Getting on friendly terms with ex's.

[4answers]

Question for you guys: About a year ago I sent a message to two ex's on a social network site, saying hi, how are you. Nothing in this but a friendly hi, It would be good to be on friendly terms nothing more.

 

Neither of them replied: So no answer is the answer.

 

It has always puzzled me why no reply. We ended, both on bad terms but a long long time ago, fault on both sides. But why not for the sake of what we once had not want to be on friendly terms. I mean I have every right to be pissed off with them (from my point of view) Equally I guess from theirs its the same.

 

Just seems like its best to be on friendly terms ! Am I weird in this ?

[Stay_home]

Question for you guys: About a year ago I sent a message to two ex's on a social network site, saying hi, how are you. Nothing in this but a friendly hi, It would be good to be on friendly terms nothing more.

 

Neither of them replied: So no answer is the answer.

 

It has always puzzled me why no reply. We ended, both on bad terms but a long long time ago, fault on both sides. But why not for the sake of what we once had not want to be on friendly terms. I mean I have every right to be pissed off with them (from my point of view) Equally I guess from theirs its the same.

 

Just seems like its best to be on friendly terms ! Am I weird in this ?

 

Before you get onto friendly terms you need to first ask yourself why? What really is the purpose of being friends with the exes? I have exes on my facebook friend's list. We're not friends, friends. But we're civil to each other every now and then. We don't hangout or spend time on the phone. That's as far as a friendship we really need. What's done is done and in the past. Leave it there.

[browneyedgirl36]

Well, I only have one ex on my friends list -- my most recent one -- and we see each other regularly at work and are actually attempting to be REAL friends (as opposed to "Internet/Facebook friends.") We ended on good terms though; even though I was heartbroken, he wasn't a jerk about it, and I still care deeply for him.

 

I HAVE, however, had a couple of people from my past -- not people I had dated, just people I had known from school -- who requested me on FB, and I think one of them even sent a message (she had e-mailed me a few years before AND had called me, and I had ignored both) -- and I never responded. In these cases, these were simply people I didn't care to be in contact with ever again -- a bully who made my life miserable in junior high; a former high school friend who had turned her back on me during a really bad time in my life, badmouthed me to others behind my back, and tried to turn a couple of my other friends against me (unsuccessfully, I might add); and an absolutely psycho former college roommate (who, among other things, had punched a hole in the wall of our apartment -- and that was the least of it!) All of these relationships were either always on bad terms or ended that way, and while many years (decades, even) have passed, I have no desire to be in any contact with them. I don't harbor any resentment anymore (though the memories are still a bit uncomfortable to relive, and I try to avoid doing so), but...I simply don't care to have them in my life in any way, shape or form, even on Facebook. I have tons of real friends -- people who have never betrayed me, who have my back, who have stood by me, who contribute to my life in positive ways -- so I don't see the need to include these people.

 

For me, it's just about moving on from the past. Your exes probably don't hate you or anything -- I don't hate any of the people I mentioned above -- but my connections to them were over a long time ago, and I would prefer to keep them in the past. Perhaps this is what your exes are doing -- focusing on present friends and not on past relationships that are long over.