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help not sure if we should be together


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well here is my story i am with my boyfriend three years , got together very quick engaged after four months, pregnant after 5 months , stupid now i know , was young and foolish, but it worked out great in end beautiful little girl has everything she ever needs, hes a great da , works hard all that, but he in the army and when he was away i found out he was textin other girls he said was out of boredom and they all do it, we fell out bla bla got back together, we live together but half the time he really just annoys me and like wise, there is no romance between us, not even as much as a kiss throughout the day, but i do love him but i just dont think i am in love with him and like wise, he is much smaller than me and this sounds so shallow but i always fancied tall big felas and lately i notice myself looking at them more and wondering , and i am not unfaithful atal i would never do anything of the sort like that . i dont even want to have sex with him, but i am thinking maybe this was just after baby it could be hormones but my baby is now one and i still feel the same, he respects me like he would never go off drinking and not coming home or anything like that, but he never seems to be happy he just sits there when home from work with a depressed face, and i feel depressed alot of the time when he is here, i am a very bubbley outgoing girl. i just dont know what to do i love his family they love mine , we all get on great, but there is no spark anymore and i am wondering should i just call it a day and maybe both of us be happier within time, please help me on this i have been thinking of it a good while now, thanks a million

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I don't think you should break it off... it sounds like you don't have any problems other than lack of a sex life and boredom. This is a problem that you will experience in ANY relationship. If you ever hope to have a long lasting relationship, you have to learn to get over this stuff...


So... how do you get over it? How do you fall in love with him again?


Plan date nights! Find someone to look after your child 1 night per week (babysitter, family member) and get out! Go for romantic dinners. Go dancing. Go to a play. Enjoy each other! Not as a Mom and a Dad - but as a man and a woman. Make a rule NOT to talk about the child on your date night. You can talk about the child before, after or any other time. That time is specifically for the two of you as a couple.


Also... get yourself a copy of the Kama Sutra. Start looking up new things that you want to do and try in bed.


Are you on any form of birth control? The birth control can be causing your hormones to go all out of whack as well.


The spark starts by YOU starting the spark! Do nice things for him. Bake him a cake. Give him a massage! It's like a spiral... right now you are going down, down, down... BUT... you have to work on making that spiral go upwards. Do something nice for him... he'll likely reciprocate... do more nice for him... the spark will come back.


That's my opinion.

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red dress thanks for that , i have been thinking sort of that way myself, our child is away one night during the week, in which we are both shattered he works, im in college, have the baby and in gym every day, then every saturday night the baby is away we just go out drinking with friends, usual get drunk go home , bed thats it, we went away as a family few wks back and i loved it it was so laid back and we were all really happy, we had sex then and just felt right, like we are only 25 and 27 , my friend ( only friend i ever spoke to about this ) said we should start going otu for meals , cinema things like this as we never do , as romantic we get is ringing a take away ha. the thing is i respect him so much he looks after house / bills well between us we both do. we both are great parents to our child, i think it was the texting other girls behind my back that took a lump out of relationship as it happened on three different times but it was always with girls from miles and miles away you know that nothing could have possible happened, but always in my head if he ran in to them would it have happened, as i said he doesnt go out pub / club with out me, he aint a big drinker so i know he is not seen anyone, he leaves his fone around and i found myself checking it for a while after i found out this, maybe its the lack 0of trust ruining what we had

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Hmmm. This is a tough one because neither one of you seem to be happy. I agree with everyone here when they say that a couple should never give up on a relationship that has been through a significant amount of years. HOWEVER, you've only been together for three, it's not like it's 20. I guess my point is this, life is short, you only live once and you have to decide how much time you're willing to put into a relationship, other wise, you might be missing out on something more stable and happy. It seems to me that HE is the one that is having the most issues....after all, he's the one that was texting inappropriately, taking off and drinking, sitting around depressed. Maybe he wants out and just doesn't want to be the one to do it....


I suggest you sit him down and have a talk. Don't start your sentences with "YOU don't seem to be happy" or "YOU seem distant". Instead tell him how you feel. Use "I" statements. "I feel", "I need", "I want". If after your talk, he seems to want to make it work, then yes, by all means try.....but if he doesn't, then you're better off letting him go, in my opinion. Some men never want to admit that they want out....they'll just live in agony day to day until something different comes along. Why would you be willing to wait for that?

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