Being on the OTHER side of the breakup

[yo11vegas]

Need advice - and please try not to be too harsh, having very difficult time lately. Just need insight from those from experience.

 

I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years he was first love, relationship, etc. I then ended it out of nowhere to be in another relationship. Of course, as many say I find myself 5 years later realizing that I let go of something great. There are many details to why we did not end back together, for one I feel he did not at all make an effort as some of the efforts I see posted on the blogs. Anyhow, I feel trapped in the current relationship - not due to abuse etc, I just now realize that I am hurting as much as he must of hurt when we split, and I cannot imagine having to hurt someone else like that. but I know this relationship is not meant for me.

 

I am literally going through all the phases of heartbreak, I realize I was extremely naive and insecure and ran from commitment which is the true reason I broke up with my ex - I have attempted to make contact hoping we can rekindle now that we are older and wiser only to find out he is married with a child. I truly feel in my deepest heart that I find it impossible to move on. ON TOP Of everything my age is now sinking in that I am 30 and now have to find someone I trust and love to start a family. I obviously have trust issues and it scares me to death that I will never allow myself to find love again

 

PLEASE - Any similar stories out there from people on the other side of the breakup, any success afterwards? In need of inspiration and understanding

[TakingtheBlame]

Yup. I broke up with my first love not to be in another relationship, but out of fear of commitment. I didn't think of it that way at the time, but that's really all it was...being young and in college and not willing to marry the first guy I ever dated. I still have nothing but great things to say about that first love; he is now engaged (to the girl he's been with since we split almost a decade ago) and happy as far as I can tell (though I know I broke his heart immeasurably back then and he begged and pleaded for me to come back.) But I am with someone now who is just as good as that first love (and quite possibly the better match for me, for many reasons.) Back then I wasn't ready to be with someone for the long haul, and now I am. Disaster would've probably ensued had I gotten married and settled down when I wasn't ready. There are so many fish in the sea...why assume somebody that you let go, and who has moved on, is the one for you? You CAN move on...leave the past where it belongs, reassure yourself you did what you needed to do at the time, and move forward with your life. There is another love of your life waiting just around the corner if you open your heart to the idea....

[jonesyjakk]

WOW.....I read this post about 10 times, I decided to reply to it, then not too, then thought for some reason I have to.

 

What taking the blame has said is spot on and I really do agree with her. The reason why I am posting is because me and my ex were together for almost 9 years, in fact it will be 9 years on the 24th of this month. anyway we broke up last december, we were engaged and have a son who will be 2 in august. the only reason I got from her about splitting up was that she was unhappy, I begged her not to throw everything away but she did, and 3 months later was with another guy.

 

She has broken my heart.....its been 7 months now and Im still gutted inside, I have so many questions that just cant be answered, and maybe they never will, but what I will say is this, you decided to choose another path, your ex was forced onto one and he walked it as have you. Just keep on walking it now, I have so many good memories of the last 8 n half years, and so many bad ones, Id give anything for us to be a family again, but i fear if ever at all she decided that she wanted that too it would be to late.

 

so the damage has been done, fair enough if the guy was single, free but hes not, hes gone, so put it down to experience, remember the good and bad, and leave it where it now is...in the passed.

 

I will say this though, never ever say never....I never saw my ex leaving...but she did, I never see her coming back....who knows.....but whatever happens is what was supposed to happen....otherwise it never would have....theres a reason behind everything, good or bad......this is pain I have to go through for now, but it will go....its pain you have to deal with too....but it will go......

 

I wish you all the happiness in the world

 

 

Jonesy

[yo11vegas]

Thank you TakingtheBlame - that's the best advice I've gotten since going through this. Glad there is hope.

[yo11vegas]

Thank you Jonsey. This means so much to me as you are the side my ex was on and yet you still have compassion. I have been trapped in guilt and shame for what I did. This however inspires me that I am a good person and it was just not my time nor written in my cards to be with him. Although it hurts like hell, possibly worse, I know now that i have to move on. It is so EASY and effortless to get stuck in the past wishing, hoping, going through all the "whys." It's funny, i find so much comfort in thinking of the past yet at the same time it's hurting me more than good. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK and you sound like such a great man and father, there is definetely someone out there for you...Best of luck from here in California.