Advice wanted :) (warning long story)

[JaredEst]

Hi Guys & Girls,

 

First of really great forum, I’ve looked over a few pages to get advice but it’s not easy to find.. then I started reading some topics here – and some really good advice was given.

 

Directly my first post asking for advice so I’ll try to do something back in due time to the community.

 

This is my story, I’ll try to write it as unbiased as possible but I’m part of it, so not so sure how that will pan out.

 

When it comes to my professional live I got most of it covered, from very young I needed to get the skills to make something of it (breaking free of childhood home etc. I’ll spare you the details) so for most of my teenage years working was all I did, now I’m in my early twenties and strange as it sounds I have reached a comfortable senior business position. And this is directly where the problem originates from – I have had 0 dates, I have flirted exactly once on primary school. And ‘hooked up’ with a girl when I was 17 came to live with her and stayed with her till early this year – as you can see I absolutely have no experience at all in flirting/dating. I’m highly intelligent, considered funny (humor that not everyone gets, sarcastic and a mixture of brain teasers) I always look like I’m in a good mood (I’ll never burst/shout or raise my voice) my moral standard is very high, on personality I can get along with almost everybody and generally people tell me I’m a nice guy a tad arrogant (though that’s more a protection from me). I have no idea if I’m considered ugly or pretty have had very few remarks about it and the remarks I got were mostly biased from my (guy) friends who of course were positive.

 

How I met the girl, she is working for an advertising agency (my company only works with advertisement agencies) her company is not the best in the branch but when I got contacted by her, her immediate friendliness and positive attitude made me very happy, it’s not an easy job working all day with sales people who are only there for money and no extra, so she was very refreshing and a pleasure to work with. A bit difficult for me as her company does not have the best products available I kept finding ways to work with them– and she very actively contacting me, appreciated of course the gesture and so our professional relationship grew, and grew. Very soon (and we have a lot of contact on MSN) the relationship started to blur I started telling her my life story and she her’s – she started calling more often for nothing – things that could easily be discussed in an email or not discussed at all and inquiring more and more how I’m doing/what I’m doing. She started with compliments like you’re the best and we all love you here, and I love working with you – you’re my favorite contact person by far – I responded of course with similar but true quotes. Then she called me and said: haha I just like to call you out of the middle of nowhere for no reason and we should def. meetup and have dinner, and drink something

 

In a conversation she brought up: We really need to meet both professionally as non-professional we have a lot to talk about, luckily for us an event was coming up and the perfect meeting place – I went alone she went with a few of her co-workers we met for the professional meeting had a great talk (and she looked amazing) and at the end of the covo she said we definitely need to catch up more, I was not going to argue with that… during the course of the event we talked 3-4 more times more about personal stuff and how we felt than about business / every time a co-worker of her had to drag her away. I made some soft remarks about how great I think she was, and she kept complimenting me aswel.

 

At the end of the convention I was having a drink and she out of nowhere joined me, we started to talk again and this time she started talking about that after the event her boyfriend would be driving her home (first time I heard about a boyfriend) I was not going to make any remark about him in specific – so we just continued to talk – about really personal stuff.

 

So I for a short moment hoped that we would have a movie moment on the airport but well that was more fantasy anyway …

 

I don’t know where it exactly happened but you figured it, I got quite a big crush on her by now.

 

Back in the office, I hope that I irl was not too disappointing (again I really have no feel if I look bad/ok/good/awesome) she directly started calling again, and again not needed things but well it’s great to hear her voice optimistic happy etc. so I make up a plan to get her company even closer to my company ( business wise this was not a bad idea at all) but this decision in its principals was more personal based. This meant that we had to spend for business purposes even more time together but as always with us the conversations emails phone calls have a high personal level, remarks flirtations compliments. But they all stay within the acceptable range ( if I would be her boyfriend and read/see/hear all the conversations I probably would not be fully happy but it’s not big enough to say she’s in thought cheating at all)

 

I can’t make up if she’s really that friendly, if she has an interest but she thinks that it can either not work because of the miles between us (there is some distance between the 2 of us, No problem for me I would move in a heartbeat) or she’s committed to her relationship (of all her plans for the weekend, not living together with guy, and her really late nights at the office I highly doubt how ‘serious’ this relationship is, then again I’m not there I don’t see everything if she is open to it but I need to make a move, etc. Direct approach has it’s dangers as I’m the only one on this position for my company, they either work with me or with no-one, and as she has specifically requested to keep our company as client in her portfolio

 

Naturally if there is only something little I want it, I don’t have many crushes (see only other 1 in my life, and that wasn’t my GF) heart raises as soon as you hear her name, when I see her I can feel my pupils dialating, heartbeat raising, mouth dries, and a bit sweaty palms.

 

I do have respect for other people’s relationships, and that’s why I have made only very moderate comments to her nothing too flirty or too aggressive, but I don’t want to let the girls of my dreams (literally and figural) get away because she has a comfort boyfriend and I don’t want to do anything with it..

 

 

Sorry for the long story and thanks for anything you have, the not positive messages are welcome too

 

I’m not native English so I apologies for my EN level

 

If you need any clarification let me know!

[agatha]

summing it all up, I'd warn you that if your previous relationship ended so recently, then you are most likely looking for a rebound, consciently or not, which is not a very healthy thing.

 

otoh, she's the one seeking you, so either she just see you as an awesome friend (filling in the void of a brother or bff) or her relationship is not going as well as she'd like it to be and it makes her seek emotional support elsewhere.

 

and I'd suggest keeping your feet on the ground when mixing business and relationships. if and when hard decisions need to be made, you won't want to have any extra factor to complicate it.

 

before making any decision, I think you should evaluate the three points I listed above, and get to know more about this relationship of hers. research your potential market before trying to sell your product. you know it better than me.