what does this "man" want with me? SOMONE HELP!

[Lostinourdream]

I've been with the same guy for 3 years.

I'm going to make this as brief and understandable as possible.

He has promised me the world. He said when he got a job we were going to get married and have children and move out.

 

He got a job. He has yet to ask me to marry him. He hasn't changed.

 

He is honestly just doing what he wants to do.

We don't live together and he has taken on a 3rd shift job so I can only see him when I can.

 

I'm getting tired of feeling like I'm an "on call" girl.

He's so selfish with his time. He only wants to see me after he's caught up on sleep or when it's the right time for him.

 

I can't take it any longer, I've taken it for 4 years now.

 

I found out when my mom died and left me 10,000 that he stole some from my account. He betrayed me, but like a fool I took him back and forgave him.

 

Anyways, what does he want out of me now if we're not going to get married and have a relationship or anything serious?

What has this relationship come to? He's not using me for money because I am broke. So what could he possibly want out of me?

 

He says he loves me with all his heart but I'm starting to have my doubts about him. I'm 20 and he's 26.

 

HONESTY PEOPLE! I don't care if you hurt my feeling my eyes need to be opened up!!!!

 

Thanks

[FathomFear]

If you're not happy then you could leave. It's important to remind yourself that you're not a passive participant here. If the relationship isn't what you want you're completely free to pursue something else.

 

Just doing some basic math here--you were 16 or so when you met and he was 22?

[MyNinja]

From the sound of it, it sounds like he doesn't want anything. It seems he got into a routine and got too comfortable with everything that he just doesn't care. I don't think you should stay with someone who's not wanting a future with you, but who is using you for his own desires.

 

He may have said in the past that he wants all those things with you (marriage, kids, nice home, etc) but if he's not openly talking to you about it and is showing he's working towards it, then they are just empty, meaningless words. Words used to keep you waiting for something that probably will not come, and he knew that waaay before you realized it. Have you spoken to him about this at all??

[Lostinourdream]

thanks for ur opinion.

[Lostinourdream]

yeah i've talked to him about it.

he just speaks words and no actions and it hurts.

 

but yeah i think he knew it wasn't serious way before i did.

[Lostinourdream]

Then why does he keep me around for? What purpose is he keeping me around saying we date and everything what is he gaining out of this?

 

I was being faithful and good 2 him and he never appreciated me one bit

what was the point

[MyNinja]

I think he got the feeling that you were going to stick around for awhile after loading you full of emtpy promises and whatnot. This gave him "freedon" to do what he wants, when he wants and how he wants to do it without feeling that you are going to get up and leave. It's a form of indirect control. It's like he has you on stand-by whenever he wants something from you. It seems he sees you as a convenience.

 

you can test him by telling him you had enough that you feel this relationship is going nowhere fast. As soon as you threaten to leave and actually do I can almost gaurantee that he will swoon you with excuse after excuse saying things will start to happen and that it will only be for "a little longer". He'll probably say he's confused, stressed, overwhelmed, etc and he needs more "time" when he really doesn't. He just wants you around without taking it futher but can't man up and say so.

[tresqua]

Maybe you should ask him these questions rather than a bunch of well meaning folks that can do no better than a good guess.

[Day_Walker]

I think you already know that you want to leave but you need reassurance of what youre doing is correct.