starting to question my course of action

[mb1]

so the ex with whom i lived for almost 2 years tells me a month ago she needs to figure herself out, needs her own space and tells me she's moving out. when i asked her what that means for our relationship i didnt get a straight answer but something along the lines of she could see herself with me or she could not... So i told her ok, sounds like its over, do what you need to do, but I cant stay in contact with you through this. she was upset but not enough to change her mind. after 2 weeks of LC, her moving out, we have been NC for 2 weeks now. The more time goes by and the more I realize I will most likely never talk to her again the more I wonder whether I should have and still should attempt to fight for our relationship. I basically made very little attempt to sway her, and I feel like not being a very emotionally expressive person, combined with not acting on her decision to leave, I am losing the love of my life possibly only to my own stubbornness. Are these thoughts a manifestation of my feelings of rejection and loneliness or perhaps they are something I should act on?

 

I know a lot will advise to think of the bad times, forget her, and look forward to future relationships. Except that we were in love from day 1 to the end. We never had a fight or any bad times, and had serious talks of marriage to the point where i had a ring and date picked. It's killing me inside loosing all this because of absolutely nothing. She did attempt at one point during LC to meet and talk about things, but I told her the only reason I would want to talk is if she's reconsidering doing what she planned. This obviously didn't happen. So I sacrificed possible closure for the chance of reconciliation. So again, I feel like I'm letting everything slip through my fingers due to my inaction.

[siktomystomach]

Maybe she just needs a little space for a minute...if I were you and you know she's the one.........Freakin go for it man!!! Get her back!!!!!

And guess what...if it doesnt work out, and hopefully it does for you, you will never regret not trying.....

[NJD HockeyFan]

Based on experience, you are doing exactly the right thing. NC works wonders, but at the same time it's hard as hell. You are obviously going to be getting all those thoughts running through your head (I did), but you have to give her her space. That's what she needs right now. You have to respect that. And most of all you have to give her time to miss you. If you had a great relationship (didn't cheat, lie or abuse) and had great times together there is a good chance she'll contact you again and want to come back. She was feeling something amiss with the relationship, and therefore you have to wait until she regains those feelings towards you. Get out there, get busy, go to the gym, all that stuff, its a cliche but it works. The more she doesn't know about you during this time, the better. If she knows that you're always there waiting for her, she'll continue looking for something else, knowing she has a backup plan. But if there's a level of mystery about your new life, she'll be interested, and she'll make contact.

 

I wouldn't advise shutting out all contact initiated by her, just make it short and sweet. Don't be cold or hostile towards her, but don't make it seem like your beggin for reconciliation either. Just be yourself. You attracted her in the first place, you can do it again. She just needs time.

[arrakis77]

...you will never regret not trying.....

 

This... and don't jump out of NC expecting to head right into reconciliation talk. If that's all you can think about, then your not ready to talk with her yet. It sounds clear that she knows you'd like things to continue, so you have to let her come to that on her own. Likely, anything you do to try and persuade her mind will result in closure.

[mb1]

thank you for this reply. it touched all the points on which i was hesitant. Deep down I know this is the right path, but being a person of action it's so hard having "do nothing" as the best option.

[mb1]

This... and don't jump out of NC expecting to head right into reconciliation talk. If that's all you can think about, then your not ready to talk with her yet. It sounds clear that she knows you'd like things to continue, so you have to let her come to that on her own. Likely, anything you do to try and persuade her mind will result in closure.

 

things like this make sense when i hear them, but my brain does not want to think like this.