i need to get him back!!! please help

[sad amy]

so me and my ex met 2 years ago but started seeing/ sleeping with each other a little over a year ago. we got pregnant the first week!! our whole relationship up until i had our son was amazing. i lost my dad 12 days after i found out i was pregnant and he was there 100% for me. our families get along great and we want the same things in life. i think we r perfect for each other. well after i had my son i started drinking and we started fighting. i guess i grew balls!! then he started getting more distant. sex pretty much went out the window.he claims that he wanted me on birth control then we could get busy. but when i got on birth control he said it was cause i asked for sex too much. then he started getting mad when i asked him for a kiss. so of course i started getting hurt nd crying myself to sleep every night. i didnt know he knew i was crying but he told me later on that he knew. i tried to be an adult about it and talk to him to tell him i wasnt happy but it pushed him further away. on days we were supposed to have a day to our selves he would sleep all day. when it came to hanging out with his friends, he would wake up really early and come home late. in time for me to make dinner and him be glued to the TV then we went to bed. no cuddling, no kissing, no affection! just rolling over and passing out. well one day he "had to go to his friends house" so he woke up early, i asked him to stay and cuddle for 10 mins. he said he had to go...... so i flipped out. he took the baby. and we fought the rest of the day. i told him i wanted the baby back and we met in a parking lot. i sat in the door of his car trying to " make things right" between us and i only made it worse. so he broke up with me! for good! so i begged and pleaded and cried and tried to get him back but nothing has worked. now he acts like we are common enemies. he gets really rude to me. so i freaked out some more!! i told him i was gonna get him for child support and take our son away from him. we are at an agreement about the baby. and he still gives me hugs when we pass the baby off so i know he doesnt totally hate me but i need to get him back and i dont know how!!! please help me!

[DylanNotorious]

You have a baby to think about now, so you need to be more of an adult. You seem to have this mind-set of hugs/and kisses when really you should be focused on your baby.

 

If you guys are meant to be together, then pull yourself together and stop begging him to take you back. Focus on the baby, and let him see you are being a good mother.

[lavenderdove]

You were thrown into being a couple by the early pregnancy, and perhaps he just feels he doesn't want to be tied down to the responsibilities of a relationship and parenting due to an accidental pregnancy. He may have to be a father (and pay child support) whether he likes it or not, but continuing in a relationship with you when he's not feeling like it is something you can't force.

 

All you can do is treat him with respect when it comes to co-parenting over your child together, and perhaps if there is no drama, he may eventually decide to come back, but then he might not. So you need to focus on your child and getting your life together in terms of jobs, careers, and keep the drama and emotion to a minimum or that will just drive him away. And eventually dating someone new if he refuses to come around and date you again. You can't make him be a partner just because you had a child together... sadly that is just one of the hazards of accidentally getting pregnant with someone who may not have wanted to experience family life so soon.

[sad amy]

You have a baby to think about now, so you need to be more of an adult. You seem to have this mind-set of hugs/and kisses when really you should be focused on your baby.

 

If you guys are meant to be together, then pull yourself together and stop begging him to take you back. Focus on the baby, and let him see you are being a good mother.

 

 

 

its not all about hugs/kisses but i am a girl that loves affection. i did stop talking to him about our relationship. all i talk to him about now is our son. and i am very focused on my baby he gets every thing first. but at the same time my son probably feels all of my emotion from loosing the man that i love. its hard to think you have a family started and then u loose it so quickly. he left me because of the fighting. but we fought because at first i tried to go to him and tell him that i was having issues but he never liked to talk to me about them. so my problems were never resolved. them i started getting mad because he didnt care that i was having problems!! then he left cuz i was mad and we fought! and he knows i am a good mother.

[sad amy]

You have a baby to think about now, so you need to be more of an adult. You seem to have this mind-set of hugs/and kisses when really you should be focused on your baby.

 

If you guys are meant to be together, then pull yourself together and stop begging him to take you back. Focus on the baby, and let him see you are being a good mother.

 

 

 

its not all about hugs/kisses but i am a girl that loves affection. i did stop talking to him about our relationship. all i talk to him about now is our son. and i am very focused on my baby he gets every thing first. but at the same time my son probably feels all of my emotion from loosing the man that i love. its hard to think you have a family started and then u loose it so quickly. he left me because of the fighting. but we fought because at first i tried to go to him and tell him that i was having issues but he never liked to talk to me about them. so my problems were never resolved. them i started getting mad because he didnt care that i was having problems!! then he left cuz i was mad and we fought! and he knows i am a good mother.

[lavenderdove]

>>its hard to think you have a family started and then u loose it so quickly.

 

But honey I think that is the problem! You got pregnant with a man you hadn't known a week and that forces a person to be in a family that he wouldn't necessarily have chosen for himself and he was just trying to do the 'right thing' by sticking around for the sake of the baby. So you can try to play at being a family, but just because a child is born is doesn't mean you're a family or he's committed to that family. If there had been no baby involved, he might have stopped dating you after a couple weeks if he decided you weren't right for him.

 

His intention was just to date you, and he ended up in an insta-family and probably deeply resented that. Most of the time when an accidental pregnancy happens right off the bat, trying to force yourselves into being a family just because of the baby doesn't usually work for long. He may try for a while, but eventually his desire to be free will overcome the guilt of breaking up with you. I've seen this happen quite a few times and sadly the women often hopes that just because she got pregnant early on she will have a lifetime of happiness and commitment from the guy, but more often than not, the guy just feels trapped and resentful because he just wanted to date the woman and had no desire to settle down at the time the baby was conceived.

 

So yes, it is sad and hard emotionally, but the circumstances are such that perhaps you weren't all the great for each other (or he only stuck around becuase he felt he owed it to the baby to try for a little while), and now he has decided he gave it a shot and just doesn't feel like staying in a family situation with you. People who aren't that invested to begin with won't try for very long for very hard. If he'd been really invested in you as a person when you got pregnant (i.e., you'd dated a couple years and he already knew he wanted to marry you eventually), it might have had a different ending. But you were strangers when you got pregnant, and that doesn't mean you'll succeed as a family because it was a relationship forced due to an early pregnancy rather than a natural one where you had time to get to know each other and to decide whether you were really right for each other or not.

[sad amy]

i know him for 9 months before we got pregnant.. i got pregnant in the first week we hooked up