Bakaboy Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Hey, before i tell u this i think u should know I'm really 13, i didn't want people to know my age but i wanted them to know i was a teenager, but for this i think its important to know how young i am. k I've told about 10 of my closer friends I'm gay including a guy i REALLY like and i think he might be gay, but that's beside the point. I don't know how i can tell more people at my school, i know i will end up being bullied but i could deal with that i don't really care what people think but i will probably lose some friends and people will think (i know i just said i don't care what people think just work with me lol) I'm a different person just because I'm gay when really I'M STILL ME!!! But even WORSE then telling my peers is telling my family. Like 75% of my family is against gay people especially my dad. What do i do? Do i come out? How do i come out? Link to comment
elelover Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I think that you should just ask both your parents alone at first to sit down with you and you should just come right out and tell them. If your dad truly loves you, he can see past this and you will still be the same family. If telling them in person is something you can't handle, write it down in a note and personally hand it to them, and then see what they say to you after they read it. Be comfortable in your own skin. Be brave. And remember, family should always be there. Good luck. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Well you've told 10 people. That's a start. You should feel comfortable and not have to hide who you are, but at the same time its really not anyone's business right now. I didn't go around school advertising that I was heterosexual at your age and I didn't parade around in a t-shirt in high school announcing I was still a virgin. I was incredibly discreet about my personal life - I don't think it has to do with sexuality. Talking about sex with your parents at the age of 13 is just plain hard regardless of orientation. God, knows I avoided it like the plague!!! What I am saying is be comfortable with knowing your friends know. The rest will unfold with time and as you get older... I'm sure some will post on here how much harder it is to be accepted if you are not heterosexual and I'm not saying that its not. It's just that heterosexual 13yr olds don't go around making declarations so why must there be pressure on homosexuals to so at 13? It's a lot harder to be accepted for who you are when you are a junior high kid with autism that leaves you a bit socially behind your peers but that doesn't mean you have to wear a t-shirt announcing it to the whole school system... your friends will know and accept you for who you are. What I think that you really need help with acceptance is with your parents view point on homosexuality... Is anyone else in your family gay? If so I would talk to them first but you are still 13... take your time. Rather than announcing your sexuality discuss generalizations of other gay people who are out and accept who they are. Spend some time with your dad and ask why he feels the way he does... most times its out of ignorance or fear. Most parents will accept their children for who they are... but many of us will tell you we wouldn't want to wish a tougher lifestyle on our children... whether is be that they are gay, handicapped, physical flaw that makes them stand out... we want our children to be happy and have an easy life... we don't like to see our kids struggle. Give you and your dad some time. HUGS Link to comment
WastingLight Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Actually elelover's advice may be a bit offbase imho. Your dad could love you deeply, but if he is a religious bigot he might 'hate' you being gay and make you feel bad about it. Anyway, it's good enough that your close friends know about it. No need to tell the whole world right now. You're only 13, not even old enough to be seriously dating. Just enjoy the place you are at in life right now. Why make things harder on yourself ? Wait until you're older and have power/security ... Link to comment
lukeb Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Rather than asking how you should come out definitely ask yourself first why you should come out. At 13 the reasons may not be as compelling as for example 18 or older. What do you hope to gain with your parents at this time? I'm not saying don't come out but these are things to think about first before you do. You have a right to be comfortable in your own home but so do your parents and brothers and sisters. Link to comment
Bakaboy Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thanks i agree that there's no NEED to tell everyone I'm gay i cant just keep it between me and my closer friends until i am more comfortable with myself but i just feel like I'm not being myself and i really just want it off my chest. And to CatsMeeoow's question: no, nobody else in my family is gay and i don't know ANYBODY that's gay except one of my friends that is a girl is bi but her being bi not gay and being a girl just makes it hard to relate. And my dad is against people because he is religious, and i think he would still love me if he knew but it would just be awkward and are relationship would lessen. My mom wouldn't mind and neither would one of my grandmas but it would still just be uncomfortable. Link to comment
Bakaboy Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 And to Lukeb i answered why i want to come out in my last post and i plan on having a relationship with a guy sometime in the future and i don't reall wanna wait until i move out and tell my parents. Also i want to come out before i leave school because then i can get to know myself better while im young and i can live my child life being ME. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 You should feel comfortable and not have to hide who you are, but at the same time its really not anyone's business right now. I didn't go around school advertising that I was heterosexual at your age and I didn't parade around in a t-shirt in high school announcing I was still a virgin. ... I'm sure some will post on here how much harder it is to be accepted if you are not heterosexual and I'm not saying that its not. It's just that heterosexual 13yr olds don't go around making declarations so why must there be pressure on homosexuals to so at 13? Because we live in a heteronormative culture. Heterosexuality never needs to be "declared" because it is almost always presumed, unless you act stereotypically "gay" and need to declare otherwise. This is why your original line of thinking is short-sited. It's just not the same situation that heterosexuals find themseves in. They don't need to declare anything because everyone around them already assumes it to be true, so there's nothing to declare as you just seamlessly fit into the expectations of those around you. When you're gay, the declaration becomes important as you need to put an end to the onslaught of heterosexism that you will get baggered with if you don't. Parents will ask their sons if they've found any "girlfriends", etc. The only way of being open and getting everyone on the same page, so to speak, is to verbalize who you are. I'm not trying to be critical here. Just trying to explain why the whole thought process of "Why do gays need to announce their sexuality? Straights don't!" just doesn't jive. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 And to Lukeb i answered why i want to come out in my last post and i plan on having a relationship with a guy sometime in the future and i don't reall wanna wait until i move out and tell my parents. Also i want to come out before i leave school because then i can get to know myself better while im young and i can live my child life being ME. I would suggest going to Youtube and searching for "Coming out story" or viewing the testimonials found in the It Gets Better Project: You'll find many first-hand accounts, many of which are made by people your age, on how they approached the coming out process with their parents. Prior to proceeding with any plans of telling your parents I would first evaluate how you believe they will react. It's normal for many parents to react negatively. It's just a sad fact. Many parents have visions of their children leading ideal lives (marrying the opposite sex, having a child, etc) and this news shatters these expectations. Most parents get over it with time, but if you seriously believe that they would react harshly by kicking you out of the house, then I would at least make some contigency plans for that. Link to comment
Bakaboy Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Thank you FathomFear ur last 2 posts were very true and helpful. I did look at the It Gets Better videos but all of them r saying stuff like theres pretty much absolutely nothing u can do now so just live in h*ll until u leave school... I'm completely unsure HOW my parents/family would react but i think in the end its just gonna be a WHILE before i tell them Link to comment
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