What should I do? I'm really confused..

[anhnen5]

So me and this girl (lets call her M) met about some time in February at school. We would chat here and there and joke around with each other when we bumped into one another, but i never really thought anything of it. At first, to be honest, i found her kind of annoying because she kept trying to hook me up with one of her best friends, but she actually kinda grew on me. So after a while, we exchanged numbers and would text each other once in a while..nothing special.

 

But then about the beginning of May, the texts started to become more frequent and regular. Like almost every day to every other day. Surprisingly, she was the one who texted first most of the times and then I started here and there. I started teasing and flirting with her more. She asked me questions about prom later in the month, like what she should wear as shoes, where was it at, etc. I mean at the time I was wondering why she was asking me all of this when she could have easily just asked another friend. Then she asked me who I was going with. She also told me I better come back next year for prom and that she was would ask me. Then I was just thinking, “Oh, I guess she just needs a date for prom”. Okay, understandable. She asked me to save her a dance! I already had a friend who I promised to go to prom with already so I promised her I would save her a dance, but then drama broke out within our group and we all split off. So now I was dateless and M was too. So long story short, we saw each other at prom and I said what happened. We danced a little and we laughed and we had fun and we talked for a little bit. We didn’t spend the whole prom with each other though, I went back to what was left of my group and she just went back with a bunch of her girlfriends after we hung out for a lil bit.

So after prom, we still texted the same way. And then about the end of may, it kinda went up another level. I started liking her, but wasn’t really sure what she thought of me. I wanted to just test the waters, so I asked her if she wanted to hang out some time this weekend and I could show her some dance moves (I know a little bit of hip-hop/Bboying) that I’ve told her about in the past. She agreed, but ended up having other plans, so it didn’t happen.

 

But then about a week later (About early June), she invited me over to her house. Just me. When I went there, it was not awkward at all. We both laughed, joked with each other, and talked nonstop. I showed her some magic tricks and she loved it. I felt like we had a connection. A few days later, I invited her to go to chipotle and have some lunch. She agreed, but took like an hour to get ready and she even told me to text her an hour before I come pick her up so she can get ready haha. She looked cute. We just had some small talk about school, what she likes to do, what she wants to do when she grows up, etc...again just trying to get to know her more. Then I took her home and we texted for a little bit later that night. She showed me her favorite songs and stuff. Then a couple days later, she asks me if I wanted to hang out at the town center after school, but I was busy.

After that, we still texted and talked frequently. So then last week she told me to get on skype and I skyped with her and her bestfriend (I’ve never met her before and she was over) and we laughed and had a good time for about an hour. Her friend kept asking me questions and commented on how we danced at prom. She didn’t go, but I assumed M must’ve talked about it to her. It wasn’t awkward or anything. M left the room for a minute and me and her friend talked. But then she just blurted out “M has a crush on you”. That took me off guard so I didn’t know what to say, but then M was back in the room, and her friend didn’t say anything else.

 

So then her friend asked me who I was interested in…maybe her friend that M was trying to hook me up with before. This is where I screwed up. In a joking way, I said that I was interested in that other girl. But I’ve never talked to or met her before. So the next day, M asked me to go to the movies, and she told me that the other girl was there too. Now I felt stupid for saying what I said the other day. So I lied and told her I was busy. And I told her I needed to talk to her that night when she was done with the movies. ( I know what the rule is, don’t ever tell a girl you like her cause that’ll freak her out, but I was kinda stuck in the awkward situation where I kinda had to or else I would lose her) So she called me when the movie was over. And I told her that I wasn’t interested in the other girl and that I liked another girl. She kept asking who it was, so I just described what I felt about her while she kept asking and blurting out names. Then I said it was her. She thought I was teasing her, but I said it really was her. Then she said that I wouldn’t like her if I found out something about her. I insisted and asked what it was. She said she was raped last year. I told her it must’ve been a horrible experience and tragic, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about her. I still liked her. So then she was saying something and then her phone died in the middle of it. She texted me a while later apologizing. I asked her if she wanted to still talk on the phone. She asked me if I wanted to. I said “ya, but only if you do”. So she said yeah. Then she called and I didn’t bring up the rape thing again. I asked her if she believed that I liked her. She said no, and asked me, “why me? And not her other friend A or her other friend B”. I wasn’t really sure what to say so I just said. “I honestly don’t know..I just got to know YOU”. I asked her again if she believed me, “and she said yeahhh, kinda” and she laughed a little. **Note, this is like 1 in the morning now**. So we just started talking about stuff, and how was the movie. And then we started talking about random things like our most embarrassing moments when we were little and stuff like that. We talked for about an hour and then her phone died again. She warned me it was going to die again so I just went to sleep.

 

The next morning, she texts me apologizing again and felt stupid because she was talking to no one for like 5 minutes haha. I told her it was ok. And she replied with haha ok…good lol. So then later in the day she asks me to come over to one of her friends house to hang out. When I got there, I didn’t know that 3 of her best friends that I’ve never met before were there also. It was a teeny bit awkward at first, but eventually I got them to laugh and talk. Later that night, we played this truth and dare game. And the girls seemed to know some stuff about me already, so I’m guessing she talks about me. I picked truth and they asked me who I would be interested in. I was hesitant at first, but then I just blurted out it was M. She looked embarrassed when she looked at me, but gave like a shy smile. So in my mind…” I was like…uh oh…I shouldn’t have done that..”. The rest of the night was fine and after M left first, I stayed a lil longer with her friends. I asked them honestly if it was bad that I said that out loud like that. They all in unison said “aww”. And one asked if I liked M, and I said “honestly, I do”. They all “awed” again. Then a little bit later, M’s friend who I skyped with before called and talked to me. She was like teasing me and stuff. When I told her I liked M, she did the same thing the other girls did and said it was cute. When I had to go, she teased me and kept saying “bye hottie, bye hot stuff”.

 

So then I texted M before I went to bed that night if she could call me in the morning because I felt like I might’ve screwed things up (I didn’t say that, but I just told her to call me). So she calls and I talk to her. I am completely straight forward with her. I say “First off, I’m sorry about last night..i shouldn’t have said that I liked you in front of your friends like that without knowing how YOU felt about it…that was extremely MY bad.” She replies with “Nononono, don’t be sorry, you don’t have to apologize at all. I’m just a really awkward person haha” And I kept insisting and she kept saying that line. Then I said “Honestly, M, I like you. But If you don’t feel the same way. Just say so. I mean I don’t want to put you in an awkward or uncomfortable situation or anything like that. She told me “no it’s fine, don’t worry” and then I asked her “how do you feel about this?” she said “Can I have some time to think about it?”. I told her “Yeah, that’s perfectly fine”. We then chatted about what we were going to do that day and she laughed a little. Then she said, “ok, I’ll talk to you later”

Then the next day she texts me first and I text back saying I’m at cheesecake factory with my dad. She says she’s shopping with her dad! And we text back and forth for about an hour. I still tease her and poke fun at her and she still responds back positively. Then today, she texted me again.

 

Now I’m just at a point where I’m ridiculously confused on how she feels about me. She hasn’t said anything yet. I’m getting mixed messages. I don’t want to mention it again to her because I don’t want to be annoying about it. It’s still really early, but 3 days have passed and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. I know I won’t know for sure, unless it comes from her mouth, but I just want other peoples’ opinions.

 

1. Usually if a girl likes you ONLY as a friend and you tell her that option is ok, she would just say that straight up right?

2. What should I do right now? Just relax and wait? I don’t want to ask her to hang out or something because I’m afraid I might seem too pushy with her.

3. Usually if a girl feels the same way about a guy, it shouldn’t take long right? So I’m just assuming she doesn’t really feel the same way if she says she has to think about it.

Anyways, all opinions are welcome! I know this is a very long story, but I wanted to put in as much detail as possible to help me find my answer. Thanks!

[TiredOfGames]

Everything up until her needing time to "think about it" screamed that she certainly likes you. It's almost like you've been dating her a little given everything you've done and do together, just the two of you. Is she a little shy when it comes right down to it? Perhaps the rape thing has her keeping you at arms length? It might also just require you to nudge her a little more, be bold and confident and ask her out on a more serious date. Have you or do you flirt with her physically? And her with you? I guess I should also ask, how old are you both (a rough range will do; you don't need to put your actual real age here)?

[anhnen5]

Hmm, i've never thought about it that way. Yeah i guess you're right, i guess we've been sorta "dating" a little haha. I just graduated from high school and she is going to be a junior in high school. I would say she's normally very upbeat and hyper and crazy around her friends. But when she's around me, she calms down a little, but smiles and laughs a lot even at the stupidest things. But when we combine the 2 together, she's a lot more quiet than usual. Sorta i guess, i mean we would playfully nudge each other here and there, and she wasn't afraid to run up to me and give me a hug at prom when i saw her. I agree also, i'm guessing it probably has to do with the rape thing.

[TiredOfGames]

You've both been playing it fairly cool so far. Her past experience could certainly be a part of it. How large or small is unknown, and I like how you approached things when she brought up her experience initially. It's up to her if she ever wants to share any more about that, so while it may play a part with the two of you, it's not something to ask about (but I think you know that already; you seem pretty level headed). I'm assuming you'll be hanging out together again, just the two of you? It sounds like that's a given! The relationship has grown over a length of time too. She sounds a little tentative for sure, and maybe that's just some shyness around you. It's actually quite cute. That shyness could also be why she answered the way she did. It took you some convincing earlier in the relationship for her to accept that you liked her. I think she knows you well enough by now that your feelings are genuine. Have you ever tried to kiss her? With some physical flirtation already going on, perhaps try leaning in for a kiss the next time you go out, at the end of the evening? Or try for her hand if you go to the cinema, and see if she is accepting of that before trying for a kiss? Her rape experience would certainly affect how she would feel about physical interactions with someone, at least the closeness involved with kissing, holding, etc., that go beyond mere touches. Still, she has been accepting of that from you, and reciprocated in kind too.

 

I'm hoping, given this experience that she had (and only a year ago too, plus at a pretty young age), that someone with some knowledge or expertise in this area would be able to provide some useful feedback here. I don't want to suggest that you try for more serious (GF/BF) physical interactions in the event that this could be harmful in any way, perhaps at least without asking her first. Would you be comfortable asking her, say at the end of a 'date', if it would be okay to kiss her?

[anhnen5]

Haha thanks, i've gotten that before. I guess i'm just naturally level-headed. Ya, she texted me today asking for her sister's phone number (idk why she asked me that out of all people, i mean she could've asked her mom or her other mutual friends with her sister) and i asked her if she wanted to hang out some time tomorrow. She said she was busy tomorrow and suggested definitely some time this week, so she was just going to hit me up when she was free. So i would guess, yes we're still hanging out together.

 

Ya, i don't wanna try anything too physical with her, given her experiences and circumstances. I'll continue the playful flirting and MAYBE..i'll try holding hands, but i don't think she's ready at all for anything more than that.