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Does living a dream make me selfish?


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You know, i can understand your desire to escape based on how these people are behaving.


Your husband quit his job, won't get another one, and expects you to be his "Mom" paying for the things he wants for himself.


And your 'friend' sounds a bit nutso because he'll say just about anything to justify getting what he wants. Some of the things he says are truly ridiculous like your husband will 'use' a *vacation* in a divorce. Taking a vacation is certainly not legal grounds for divorce, and frankly, one can divorce on basically no grounds at all these days so you don't need to 'use' anything. And to suggest that a recently widowed friend is at your house to score is also delusional. He's got some major issues.


I would suggest you go on your trip, have fun, see if you don't feel better not being dragged down by these people. And when you get back, seriously examine whether you need to perhaps start standing up for yourself and not tolerating this kind of nonsense from them. Your husband is a grown man and needs to find a job and support himself and not ride your coattails, and your friend needs to stop being manipulative to hide his true agendas or you need to stop being around him.


Your strong desire to escape is a HEALTHY desire to start taking care of yourself and not letting others drag you into their problems and games. Spend some time thinking about what is right for you and your life, and start expecting better treatment and demanding it, and if they won't give it to you, then you need to probably rethink staying married to someone who is using you and being friends with someone who is manipulative and dishonest in the way he spin things to try to control you.

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Agreed 100%


I am so sorry that the people you invest your soul into, can't pay that back with some support and enthusiasm. But don't let them drag you down. Someone here once used the term "Emotional Vampires" and it's ringing in my head as I hear about how the people you love are reacting to this


I think this time away WILL give you time to reflect, without the pressures of others, on what kind of life you want to live, and what kind of people are going to add to your life, as you add to theirs. You're going to have an adventure, and experience to remember and inspire you. My first trip abroad fundamentally changed who I was, and shaped my life for the better.


So make your plans, share them here with us, and the one IRL friend who IS excited for you. It's going to be awesome.

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My husband does have a job now. He quit his old job back in 2007 and thats when he lost his car. I worked two jobs to support us while he sat at home and cheated on me with one of my friends. Yea, 2007 was an awesome year, lol.


He does have a job now though. He works at the same place I work and is in a management position, so he makes more then I do. There is nothing stopping him from saving up on his own to buy a car. I separated all my finances from his last year so I don't know where all his money goes. But I can guess he probably blows a lot of it on porn. I don't care that he watches porn, I'm not jealous, but that's part of the reason I separated my money from his. I was sick of all the money in our joint account being sapped away on porn sites and then whenever I wanted something, oh well, we can't afford it. But both our paychecks went into the account.


It really is tragic the way my friend is acting. And I mean it, it's sad. I've known him ten years and he wasn't like this before what happened last September. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses for him, but he never was this negative before. Last year at this time if I was in the same situation he would have been really happy for me, I know it. I asked him to take me to the airport because I thought knowing he will be the one to see me off might make him feel better, and it did, I think. He is happy to do that for me. I think he felt honored that I asked him.


My Mom is really trying hard to drag me down too... She's being really critical. The other night she was trying to tell me that my travel agent ripped me off and that I could have gotten a cheaper flight online... I looked at flights online. The flight I am booking through the travel agent is cheaper, actually.


I'm sure I will have plenty to think about when I get home... I think this whole experience will open a few people's eyes, not just mine.

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Cynder, honestly, your husband sounds like a jerk. you seem like a sweet person, so giving, and you are surrounded by these selfish people - husband, your 'friend.' moms always panic about stuff, that makes sense. but yeah, i would not share any more travel plans with people who are not supportive of you. Just tell us or that one friend you have in real life. I would love to see your vacation photos when you come back!!

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