annie24 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 If a spouse divorces you while you go on a vacation they have approved of, then they are no prize. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I look at the reviews on link removed before booking. It's pretty helpful. I looked on that site too. The hostel I had as my first choice got really high reviews on that site. But the person I know over there told me that place is full of drug addicts and crazy people. I'm so glad I have someone to ask about this stuff. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I can't get why it would bite you in the butt if he filed for divorce in the week you were gone. Nothing could take place in that time frame. Nothing. He really has some strange ideas. Glad you're taking the opportunity to grab some photos. Should be interesting. Yea, nothing could happen in that time frame... But he was also saying if my husband files for divorce he could use the trip against me in court, like I am so selfish that I took off without him, etc. But yea, he does have some strange ideas. He can be so pessimistic. He thinks everyone is out to get everyone else. Perfect example... earlier today a female acquaintance stopped by randomly. I told my friend about her stopping by. This woman just lost her husband to a heart attack. And my friend said she only came over because she's single now and she wants me. Come on! She's newly widowed. I'm sure hooking up is the last thing on her mind. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I looked on that site too. The hostel I had as my first choice got really high reviews on that site. But the person I know over there told me that place is full of drug addicts and crazy people. I'm so glad I have someone to ask about this stuff. Yeah, overall, I've had good experiences with hostels, but there was one place i went to that despite good reviews, I found a bit creepy. Luckily, a friend invited me to stay at her place and I gladly accepted! Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I've always had good experiences with link removed They have a little better standard then most 'backpackers' places. Though they also have more rules. So a balance. Worth a peek. And yes, your friend is super-duper cynical about people. That has to be very draining. Be hard not to be dragged down with his attitude. And I cannot imagine a court thinking a normal vacation is grounds for divorce or a means of 'neglect'. A bizarre concept! You're not his mom after all. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 That IS about the strangest thing I've ever heard. If my husband goes to visit his parents this year, I may divorce him and take all his money. uh huh... Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I've always had good experiences with link removed They have a little better standard then most 'backpackers' places. Though they also have more rules. So a balance. Worth a peek. And yes, your friend is super-duper cynical about people. That has to be very draining. Be hard not to be dragged down with his attitude. And I cannot imagine a court thinking a normal vacation is grounds for divorce or a means of 'neglect'. A bizarre concept! You're not his mom after all. It is draining sometimes... He hasn't always been like this though. He had something really traumatic happen back in September and he's been so negative ever since. You always hear these stories about people who have really bad things happen to them and they turn it into something positive and uplifting and all that. There are just as many people out there who turn it into something negative and let it affect their life. Unfortunately he has taken it that direction. I hope it's only temporary. My Mom is like this too... Everyone is an enemy. Everyone is out to get everyone. And people wonder why I am so untrusting. I think there's a difference though between not trusting people and just assuming the worst about everyone right off the bat. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 That IS about the strangest thing I've ever heard. If my husband goes to visit his parents this year, I may divorce him and take all his money. uh huh... Yea... The fact that he even thinks that is weird. He told me I'll probably come back and the locks will be changed and all my stuff will be sitting out on the curb. I know what he's trying to do though. He's trying to scare me into not going. So next time he brings it up I'm just going to stop it before it starts. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 It is draining sometimes... He hasn't always been like this though. He had something really traumatic happen back in September and he's been so negative ever since. You always hear these stories about people who have really bad things happen to them and they turn it into something positive and uplifting and all that. There are just as many people out there who turn it into something negative and let it affect their life. Unfortunately he has taken it that direction. I hope it's only temporary. My Mom is like this too... Everyone is an enemy. Everyone is out to get everyone. And people wonder why I am so untrusting. I think there's a difference though between not trusting people and just assuming the worst about everyone right off the bat. Something bad can happen anywhere. Did you ever hear what the insurance companies say - most accidents happen within 3 miles of your home? It's true! You never know. I've heard of stories of planes crashing on top of houses. I mean - imagine that - you are sitting at home in your recliner, watching TV, and part of a plane slams into your home. All you can do is just take precautions and try to enjoy life. I'm a very risk averse person myself - but I don't think that travel is something that is dangerous. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 His last argument when we talked about this was "I've always wanted bto go to hawaii, but you don't see me running off to there, do you?" I think his situation is a little different though. He has four kids to take care of. Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 His last argument when we talked about this was "I've always wanted bto go to hawaii, but you don't see me running off to there, do you?" I think his situation is a little different though. He has four kids to take care of. I'd be saying to him "so how much have you saved so far to go one day?" What's the point in having a dream, if you never plan to fulfill it? You're not "running off", you going on a vacation. And yes, children can be a tremendous obstacle to travel, so that's precisely WHY you should do this NOW, while you are young and free. Honestly, kudos to your husband, he sounds like he's the only one NOT giving you grief and trying to stop you from growing. It's ridiculous. I'd remind him that you will not be a bird in a cage. He has some complex issues, I think, and some serious insecurities. And I'd question how much he respects your intelligence, given some of the BS he's tried to use to convince you to stay. I'd just tell him if he can't be excited for you and wish you an amazing adventure, then there's nothing more to talk about. Talk to people who can be excited for you, and offer advice, not paranoia, regarding any of the perils of travel. I'm excited for you, as are many others here...it will be a great experience for you. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yea... I don't talk to my mom or sister about my plans for that reason. I'm tired of the negativity. It doesn't help that for a while a trend in horror movies was movies about bad things happening to tourists. (Movies like Hostel and Touristas are what I'm talking about.) My mom is absolutely convinced bad thing will happen to me in a hostel... she never even saw the movie, lol. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 They seem rather narrow minded. I kind of feel sorry for them that they are trapped by their own fear. When is your flight Cynder? Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 It is draining sometimes... He hasn't always been like this though. He had something really traumatic happen back in September and he's been so negative ever since. You always hear these stories about people who have really bad things happen to them and they turn it into something positive and uplifting and all that. There are just as many people out there who turn it into something negative and let it affect their life. Unfortunately he has taken it that direction. I hope it's only temporary. My Mom is like this too... Everyone is an enemy. Everyone is out to get everyone. And people wonder why I am so untrusting. I think there's a difference though between not trusting people and just assuming the worst about everyone right off the bat. Yeah I understand that very well. I know how easy it is to slip into a dark place after tragedy. I've been there a few times this past year. But I never took it out on others, so I don't why he went that route. I do think jealousy is part of it though. He may see his life going nowhere and to see you living a dream just puts him over the edge. He's certainly acting out like a jealous kid. It's sad because folks should be happy and supportive of a dream realized. Just don't let them drag you down. They get negative tell them to stop or go away. Don't let their issues become your issues. Did you see that thread Seymore started in the healing section? It's a good read. His last argument when we talked about this was "I've always wanted bto go to hawaii, but you don't see me running off to there, do you?" I think his situation is a little different though. He has four kids to take care of. Zowie. He really has a strange attitude. I know with kids it's more difficult to travel but not impossible. To limit yourself like that is strange. To use that to guilt you is just bad. What's his inability to travel got to do with you?! Er...nothing! Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Well... here's an update for you all... I guess my husband isn't as fine with it as he's been telling me. We just had an argument about me going. He thinks I should use the money to buy him a car. Uh... the whole reason we don't have a car is because he quit his job that he had been at 11 years and refused to look for another one. He stopped paying the car payment also, so it was repossessed. now he knows I have money saved up so he wants a car... I told him no, he can save up if he wants it that bad. Its always me who sacrifices and gives things up. I told him its my turn now to be the selfish one. Maybe that was wrong... oh well. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 honey - your husband is all around selfish. you sound like you are so caring and giving, finally you want to do something for yourself - especially go to a place that has religious meaning for you. and now he poo-poos that idea? pfft. like you said - he should have been looking for work. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Don't let their issues become your issues. One of my favorite quotes ever is from the film Architects of Control... the exact quote is "Don't ever think it's your job to be the scaffold for those around you who are falling." That fits perfectly here. It's not my fault he never got to do the things he wanted. And it's not my job to pacify him because he can't handle me doing things I want to do. Just like it's not my job to buy my husband a car when he screwed up and lost the one he had. It does suck that practically everyone I know is against me taking this trip though. I have one friend and a bunch of strangers on the internet who are really gunning for me. I have an apointment in 20 minutes with a travel agent. I think when I get home I'm going to pop open a Guinness and watch both of the Hostel movies. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I told him its my turn now to be the selfish one. Maybe that was wrong... oh well. No, you were right! Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 OMG don't watch those! lol Guinness, yes! Crazy spooky hostel movies, no! What's funny is every time I have a long flight coming up, or a series of flights, it's suddenly scary plane crash week on the Discovery channel! Like...ugh. lol Must...turn...away. =p Good quote and very apt. Your husband made his own bed with that move. Can't have a lot of sympathy for crying about wanting a car now. It does suck those around you aren't more understanding. They should at least pretend to understand and stay quiet. Oh well. Hang out with the understanding friend! More fun. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 OMG don't watch those! lol Guinness, yes! Crazy spooky hostel movies, no! What's funny is every time I have a long flight coming up, or a series of flights, it's suddenly scary plane crash week on the Discovery channel! Like...ugh. lol Must...turn...away. =p Good quote and very apt. Your husband made his own bed with that move. Can't have a lot of sympathy for crying about wanting a car now. It does suck those around you aren't more understanding. They should at least pretend to understand and stay quiet. Oh well. Hang out with the understanding friend! More fun. Lol... I loved both the Hostel movies, creepy as they are. I thought in a lot of ways the second one was even better than the first. So, I just got back from the travel agency. Flight is going to be a little more then I thought. But that's ok because I'm saving hundreds on lodging, so it all works out. The Hostel I'm staying in also serves free breakfast. So I'm saving money on food too. My friend was texting me on my way home. I told him all this and he just stopped answering. Jeez... bitter much? Lol... Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 One of my favorite quotes ever is from the film Architects of Control... the exact quote is "Don't ever think it's your job to be the scaffold for those around you who are falling." That is a wonderful quote. And I'm sorry everyone around you is behaving like a spoilt child.(No wonder they worry you won't come back. ) You deserve to come over here and have a great time. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 lol No kidding, bitter much indeed. Does your hostel have a kitchen? I saved a ton making various lunches and dinners. I agree that the second Hostel was a lot better. Creepier, but better. I'm glad you are moving forward. Sounds like a great time. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 lol No kidding, bitter much indeed. Does your hostel have a kitchen? I saved a ton making various lunches and dinners. I agree that the second Hostel was a lot better. Creepier, but better. I'm glad you are moving forward. Sounds like a great time. Yes it does, actually. I originally wasn't going to go with this hostel because it was a little further away from downtown then I hoped for. But from what I've been told, public transportation there is awesome and cheap, so getting to downtown won't be a problem. Link to comment
prettynthecity Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I would like to quote a famous song. Haters gon' hate. Lol that's really all there is to it. Don't let anyone stop you from going. Too bad about your husband, but it's his fault. And your friend? I would get him out of my life if I were you. Surround yourself with positivity. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 Wow... I know this thread has probably warn out its welcome by now... But apparently certain people don't know what "not up for discussion" means. I guess I'm going about this with my head in the clouds and not thinking straight and need to learn to prioritize better. I saw the travel agent yesterday and afterwords had two people give me crap. I think I'm just going to plan my trip in secret from now on. I mean, people know I'm going. But I won't talk about it. I won't let anyone know what I'm doing for it. Instead of having someone I know take me to the airport I'll just take a taxi. I was thinking about getting together for dinner and drinks with a bunch of my friends the night before. But forget it... if it's just going to be negativity the whole time then I don't even want to bother. Link to comment
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