FarthestEdge Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 . If you want to go, go. BUT travelling around Europe alone as a female is very dangerous. I'm not traveling around, I'm only going to one city. I've considered the dangers of being a woman all alone in a strange city... I just don't let things like that scare me. But really, something bad could happen here just as easily. I live in kind of a bad neighborhood. I see a few drug raids a year and there have been a few shootings on my street since I've lived here. Where I'm going is probably safer then where I am. Exactly. I think it's bollocks. Stupidity is dangerous, travel is not. As long as you use common sense you'll be fine. I have never felt 'unsafe' in any of the major European cities I have travelled, even when I was younger and arguably more attractive. It's all in how you approach it. I know a woman who went to Saudi Arabia by herself as a sort of post-divorce emancipation...An attractive, petite blonde...One would think that would be far more dangerous. She had a lovely time. I'll take my chances and LIVE life, not hide away in fear. I'll risk what MIGHT happen to experience what could be. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 And... this trip is a pilgrimage in a sense... The place I'm visiting is an important place to people who share my religious views. He doesn't share them. All the more reason for you to go and to not let anyone hold you back from going. It is a shame your husband won't go but if he has declined and it is something that is still important to you then dont let ANYONE else stop you. Cynder, just go! Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Exactly. I think it's bollocks. Stupidity is dangerous, travel is not. As long as you use common sense you'll be fine. I have never felt 'unsafe' in any of the major European cities I have travelled, even when I was younger and arguably more attractive. It's all in how you approach it. I know a woman who went to Saudi Arabia by herself as a sort of post-divorce emancipation...An attractive, petite blonde...One would think that would be far more dangerous. She had a lovely time. I'll take my chances and LIVE life, not hide away in fear. I'll risk what MIGHT happen to experience what could be. I agree 100%. If I don't go then I am always going to wonder what if. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 There are a few reasons he's not going... The city I'm going to isn't a place he has any desire to visit, for one. And... this trip is a pilgrimage in a sense... The place I'm visiting is an important place to people who share my religious views. He doesn't share them. He was invited. He declined. I wish he was going though. We have been married for 7 years and we never had a honeymoon. The only trip we've taken together was a weekend in Chicago a few years ago. So no support..... Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 So no support..... Idk- that's a bit of a leap. I have places that I really want to go, but DH has no interest. He'd never stop me from going, but we both agree it would be a tremendous waste of money for him to spend on something he isn't interested in. So those trips I will either take alone (and enjoy my solitude) or with someone else who shares my interest in that locale. There's no rule that says you have to do everything together to be supportive. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 A week? From your OP I figured it must be a few months at least! I think you should totally go. All the reasons your friends gave are ridiculous. And your lover/friend is simply jealous and being childish. 'If I can't go neither will you!' /pout Ignore that stuff. Europe is not dangerous per se. It has dangers, yes - just like everywhere else in the world, but nothing worth not going. Be smart, aware, and you'll be fine. Don't live regretting not going. Send us a postcard! hehe Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Idk- that's a bit of a leap. I have places that I really want to go, but DH has no interest. He'd never stop me from going, but we both agree it would be a tremendous waste of money for him to spend on something he isn't interested in. So those trips I will either take alone (and enjoy my solitude) or with someone else who shares my interest in that locale. There's no rule that says you have to do everything together to be supportive. Exactly, you cannot force enthusiasm. If your partner has zero interest then they should have the ability to say that and everything be fine. A good relationship can stand having different interests and the good will of the each partner be okay if the other wants to do them. Alone if that's what it comes to. Nothing wrong with that. It's a healthy dynamic. Cynders hubby seems fine with the trip which is all that counts if you ask me. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I have no clue why anyone would carry on about you taking a one week vacation anywhere... that's a very NORMAL thing to do, and people go on vacations alone all the time. You have more risk in some parts of NY or LA or Miami than you would in many cities in Europe. So i think you should just go and have fun. And if anyone tries to harangue on it, just cut them off and say, i'm going, and it's not open for discussion! That 'best friend' of yours really is very manipulative and controlling. He constantly spins things in all kinds of odd ways to try to get his own way... this kind of thing pops up in many of your threads where you discuss him. I think he's quite selfish and wants his own way and seems to do lots of things that stir up trouble. You might want to re-think how close you want to let him into your life if he can't be normal or supportive about something as simple and normal as a one week vacation, without turning it into a big drama. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I totally agree. The way people are freaking out, you would think you are going to Antarctica for 6 months or trekking accross the Sahara. Going to Europe for a week is totally normal, millions of people will be doing it the same time you are. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 The one part I can't figure out is you saying you may never come home. That's a LOT different than just going on a 1 week trip. It sounds as if you are seriously considering running away from home, Cynder. Did you tell your husband you may never see him again? Or am I misunderstanding what you said? Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 If I was surrounded by people who kicked off this much drama over a week in Europe, I'd consider not coming home too. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Yea... he really is trying hard with this one... And it really is that he's afraid I won't come back, I know that's all it is. I even asked him that during our conversation last night. I said "I want you to be honest with me, are you only saying these things because your afraid of me going away?" His response was "No, I'm telling you this because this trip could come back to bite you in the ass if he files for divorce." But a few weeks ago him and I were talking about it and I asked if he was scared of me going, and he told me he was "terrified." That's the actual word he used. He said he is afraid of losing me in some way, be it that the plane crashes, or that something happens to me while I'm there, or that I will just disappear and not come home. So yea... I think the next time it comes up I will just tell him it is not open for discussion. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 The one part I can't figure out is you saying you may never come home. That's a LOT different than just going on a 1 week trip. It sounds as if you are seriously considering running away from home, Cynder. Did you tell your husband you may never see him again? Or am I misunderstanding what you said? I do think about this all the time, yes, I admit it. I had a whole thread up about this last week, in fact. The closer it comes to my trip,, the more I think about disappearing over there and never returning. I think about trading in my round trip ticket for a one way and using the money I save to get started there. (I know it wouldn't be much, but it's something.) I would get a job somewhere tending bar or something... sleep in a hostel until I could find a place to live. Then A few of my closest friends here in the states would get a postcard from me with maybe one or two words written on it, something they would know was from me, and lets them know I'm ok. I think about changing my name... everything. But, would I actually do this... probably not. I always thought of this as kind of a nuclear option. If everything I hold dear was gone, this is what I would do. But everything I hold dear isn't gone. I haven't lived a very happy life. I think these thought patterns are common amongst people like myself. People who have bad luck and have bad things happen to them are usually planning their own escape. I think this is also why I don't fear death. No, my husband has no idea I'm thinking this way. I've told very few people. My friend knows by instinct I guess. I never told him, but somehow he knows. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 If your husband does divorce you while you are gone, I have a feeling whatever you would lose monetarily wouldn't concern you too much. Hope you take a camera and post while you're there. Are you visiting HF? Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 If your husband does divorce you while you are gone, I have a feeling whatever you would lose monetarily wouldn't concern you too much. Hope you take a camera and post while you're there. Are you visiting HF? I'll be taking hundred of pics while I'm there... I plan on having an exhibition when I get back. I haven't had one since 2005, I've been itching to have another one. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I'm not sure which European country you are thinking of, but it's not that easy to build a life there without having proper visa status etc. So just disappearing there is not a very easy thing to accomplish! Link to comment
gingerlemon Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Well, rather than disappearing, you could explore it for purposes of relocation. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 I'm not sure which European country you are thinking of, but it's not that easy to build a life there without having proper visa status etc. So just disappearing there is not a very easy thing to accomplish! Yea... I know. Like I said, I don't see myself actually doing it. I could see myself living abroad if I really had nothing left here in the US. But I would go about it the legal way. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I wish he was going though. We have been married for 7 years and we never had a honeymoon. The only trip we've taken together was a weekend in Chicago a few years ago. Disturbing. Link to comment
Cynder Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Disturbing. How is that disturbing? We couldn't afford to take a trip when we got married. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 How is that disturbing? We couldn't afford to take a trip when we got married. You didn't say that at first.. But you've guys have been together for seven years and have only taken one trip together?? Now comes an opportunity of a lifetime to travel to Europe, experience another culture, another world so to speak and to finally get away and see something different (something that you couldn't afford on your honeymoon) and he's passing that up? I just don't understand that. It's only a week. You're not asking him to live over there, but just one trip as a family and he turned it down. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yea... I looked into quite a few hostels. Some of them are almost as nice as hotels... You just don't have the privacy you do in a hotel. I have someone in the city I am visiting who told me he would check out any hostels for me before I book one, just to make sure they aren't shady. I look at the reviews on link removed before booking. It's pretty helpful. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I'm not sure why your husband would file for divorce because you are going away for one week?? that is just illogical thinking. How many other people go on business trips, or other personal trips without their spouse? totally normal, IMHO. your friend, IMHO, is not normal. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I can't get why it would bite you in the butt if he filed for divorce in the week you were gone. Nothing could take place in that time frame. Nothing. He really has some strange ideas. Glad you're taking the opportunity to grab some photos. Should be interesting. Link to comment
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