Male/Female Friendship:Want Womens Perspective

[Stand Strong]

I'm curious as to how women view friendship with the opposite sex? For me, I've noticed that women seem to rather be in a relationship than have guy friends. If they had guy friends before, they seem to completely drop them from their life when they have a boyfriend/ignore them (somewhat speaking for myself here... probably). So I'm wondering if you feel that if you have one man in your life that fulfills you in the moment, does that mean all others become less relavent?

 

happened to me plenty enough times to the point where I don't even allow them back in my life because it's rude they think they can waltz back in just because their heart was broken and they just want that comfort only to repeat the cycle when they get another boyfriend (feel used). Also, some would state that the women weren't my real friends in the first place. I'd understand if that was the case and I get that people will be with their SO more, though cutting you off until the break up is just wrong.

 

I apologize for any generalizations. It's just too confusing as to why I can't have a female friend that's a true friend rather than one that obviously uses me for male attention when not taken.

[laura40]

I'm in a relationship and have male friends, however I know a few girls who have broken contact with their male friends when they have found themselves a boyfriend. I honestly don't know why, maybe their boyfriends are jealous?

[lapse]

I have a lot of guy friends. Some of my best friends have been guys. I'd say it's split about 50/50. I think people who don't believe in cross gender friendships have major gender issues... with themselves and with others.

[Seraphim]

I would not say they are less relevant. I guess for me this is a more a generational thing, but I was taught once you were married male friends were not proper to have. My husband has many female friends lots of which I did not even know he had until he talks about them. He feels no guilt about it. I do not make him feel guilty about having friends either. Over the years since I have been married my male friends have been very very few, only because of what I was taught.

[Stand Strong]

Thanks! Clears things up for me a bit. There were 2 cases where the boyfriends made them stop contacting me (which I felt wasn't cool because one for a year and the other for 2 years) so it just goes over my head that people can have that much insecurity that they make them get rid of someone they have a history with. I could understand if I was an ex though that's never the case. Even that they allow a person to have that kind of say in their life if they aren't married or engaged is just bothersome to me. I still feel that it really shouldn't be that complicated for them to just introduce me to the guys they are dating so it gets rid of any insecurity.

[Capricorn3]

I know several girls who had very good friendships with guys, but the moment they got a boyfriend, it was the boyfriend who more or less made them choose "either you choose me, or your friend", so they drop the friend. Don't take it personally - it's usually their boyfriend making demands.

[babybees]

I know several girls who had very good friendships with guys, but the moment they got a boyfriend, it was the boyfriend who more or less made them choose "either you choose me, or your friend", so they drop the friend. Don't take it personally - it's usually their boyfriend making demands.

 

It's true, some bfs are like that. But when bf said something like that,,"to choose",,, it is so selfish of that bf. He must be really insecure.

 

If it were me, I would introduce my best friend to my bf and would not hang out with my friend as much as when i was single. However, if bf would still determine to stop my friendship, then I would drop my bf.

To me, it's so hard to find a very good friend. And I have this friend longer than my bf. So he should be able to respect me when he wanted to be with me. Same as me to him and his female best friend.

 

It's a different story if between best friends, they had romantic interest in the past and still flirted here and there in their friendship, I could understand if bf asked to choose.

 

-babybees

[mistojen]

Having been a hairdresser and a theater major back in the day, most of my guy friends were homosexual, so they never seemed to pose a threat of any kind to anyone I was dating. Since I've changed careers (years ago) and been a more co-ed and, for lack of better words, heterosexual male friendly person, I found myself becoming friends with straight guys and having a lot of fun with them, though mostly in group settings. That's my own hang up, though; if I hang out with a guy friend too often one on one, I tend to develop feelings for that guy, even if we'd never be romantically compatible, which tends to make a strain on the friendship at best and a heartbreaking loss of the friendship entirely at worst.

 

That said, usually when I get into a relationship, I stop hanging out with the guy friends I made on my own and end up making friends with males in the boyfriend's circle. I don't always realize I'm doing it, but when I do realize it, I find myself wondering if I've subconsciously done so out of respect for the boyfriend or if I've done so because, even if the boyfriend doesn't say anything, I feel like his guy friends feel like less of a threat to him in that capacity. I'm interested to see where this thread goes, because I'm very curious to know if I'm alone in that feeling or if it's a social-acceptance thing or what exactly causes the decay of male/female friendships once a boyfriend enters the picture. To be fair, though, I've had my fair share of guy friends "dump" me because their girlfriends said so...even when their girlfriends were my friends, originally, as well. I wonder if it's a human condition - a territorial sort of thing?