Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Well here goes I'm married for 20 years to a lovely man who is a bit cold but good husband n father he's moody but a good guy I fell for a guy I met online I loved my husband but this guy was totally different from him younger funnier also married liked same kind of stuff as me we spent lots n lots n I mean till the early hours online we skyped we had online sex we had lots of chats n laughed lots I fell in love n I think him too he has a controlling wife n this online thing lasted eight months he stopped it cos he said his daughter heard me on voice mail I personally think he lied he lied during times online too I even waited hours online for him wen ge supposedly fell asleep now he's gone I have texted emailed everything I used to write poetry for him n stories he said he loved me too now nothing I am heartbroken n now see he is online with another woman I know he has befriended recently I am so bereft n cry all the time he has hurt me immeasurably since I offered to meet his interest in me slowly dwindled n then he completely blocked me out for someone who would never leave me or ignore me or block me he's done really well at all the above n I'm really upset n miss him although I know the guy don't deserve it I have visions of telling his wife although I know I neve would I phone him he hungs up n I can't understand wat I've done I feel empty n lonely he said his wife wud never get between us n she did he was playing I wasn't my poor husband just thinks I'm depressed n he knows nothing of anything I really need some advice please I'm also hanging on to my marriage as I'm very confused my husband doesn't deserve me but I can't hurt anyone else if I hurt it'll be fine I will hurt but I can't hurt my family please do help Link to comment
laura40 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 No offence, but this was never going to end well. You're both married and cheating on your other halves with each other. Do you honestly want to destroy your family by running off with a man you've never met in the flesh before? I would leave him alone from now on, he doesn't seem interested anymore (as you said yourself, he hangs up on you when you call him). Think about the feelings in your marriage.... Link to comment
iBroken Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Aww - you poor thing. I can only imagine how your husband feels Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 I know I totally agree with u I just need to know how to move on think about him all the time cry lots n not eating properly I just need someone to tell me how to move on I'm very confused Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I'm afraid you're not going to garner a lot of support here for your situation. You made the choice to go online and cheat on your husband. Now you're walking away hurt with your tail between your legs and having a pity party. You betrayed your husband and now you're hurt...can't say that I feel a lot of sympathy for you. Now you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out. That's what your husband is going to feel like when/if he finds out. Taste of your own medicine. I hope he finds out and leaves so he can find someone who will be faithful to him. Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thank u ibroken I am heartbroken seriously as I'm writing this crying my eyes out if he loved me he wudnt hurt me like this Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I know I totally agree with u I just need to know how to move on think about him all the time cry lots n not eating properly I just need someone to tell me how to move on I'm very confused Go to counseling and fix your marriage so you don't feel the need to be an online harlot when you're married and committed to someone else. Of course the lover would hurt you. He's married and cheating on his wife. Would you really expect fidelity from a guy like that? If they cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you. Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Harsh fudgie we all make mistakes I didn't come for sympathy just advice I'm not saying I'm right I'm saying I need help Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 It bothers me when people cheat and then don't own up to it. That's what you need to work on: you need to make amends right away with your marriage if you want to stay with the guy. Pity partying over lust lost isn't going to do you or your family any good. And yes, you do need help. You need to get yourself in counseling and tell your husband the truth. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 What on earth do you mean his wife came between you? I think you were the one in the middle don't you? If you think otherwise then I am afraid you are totally deluded. To be honest I'm not sure how you can say you think he loved you when you are aware that he lied to you, started losing interest in you the moment you suggested meeting up and moved immediately onto another woman and now refuses to have anything to do with you. I mean, c'mon, don't you think if he had ended things due to his daughter finding out he wouldn't be talking to ANY woman? Why do exactly the same thing with someone else? He may aswell have carried on with you in that case. It is obvious he lied to you because you had lost your amusement value. Do you really, honestly believe this guy loved you??? You said you don't know what you have done? I do. What you have done is served your purpose. You were nothing more than a bit of fun to him but when you tried to make it real it was game over. Now he has moved onto someone else who has he can have some fun with. Something you need to bear in mind for the future ... if you don't want to get you fingers burnt, don't play with fire. He's married, you're married, how else did you expect it to turn out? I agree wth Fudgie ... your husband deserves to be with someone who loves him and who will be faithful to him ... and that is something you need to think about seriously. How likely is it that this is going to happen again? And I think ibroken was being sarcastic ... though I could be wrong. Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 It's not happening again ever my fingers are well burnt thank you I do love my husband n yes I'm making it up big time yes I'm in the wrong n deserve it all I didn't come here for critiscm just help that's all I know I was in the wrong his wife had an affair two years ago n he knew all about it he accepted it all I was obviously his escape yes I was wrong n so was he I'm truly wrong I know but I just want help Link to comment
TakingtheBlame Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thank u ibroken I am heartbroken seriously as I'm writing this crying my eyes out if he loved me he wudnt hurt me like this I'm confused...what exactly were you hoping was going to happen with this guy? Did you think he was going to leave his wife for you? You didn't even know him, so you didn't really love him. You can't love someone you don't know, and there's really no arguing that. So accept that this guy was a stranger who was having some online fun to escape the tedium of his family life, and try to figure out why you felt the need to betray your husband, who you say is a "lovely man." Go to counseling if you must. But don't think for a second that an online affair means anything...it's easy to type a few mushy words every now and then and it doesn't mean a thing. Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 So hold on wat about the hours we spent online that we only just chatted nothing more days n weeks of just chatting no online sex or anything he said he had no one else he said I was the only one I truly believed it so I was been stupid? Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Obviously he was taking the piss n I was deluded so I meant nothing? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thank u ibroken I am heartbroken seriously as I'm writing this crying my eyes out if he loved me he wudnt hurt me like this Well the same could be said for your husband, if you loved him you wouldn't hurt him. Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 I truly believed I meant more to him Link to comment
Tanzi Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Obviously he was taking the piss n I was deluded so I meant nothing? I believe so. All those hours spent online, just chatting, was all part of the fun for him. He was luring you in. Actions speak louder than words and his actions have proved that he never had any intention of making it real, therefore he had no real feelings for you. If he had meant ANY of what he said it wouldn't have ended so abruptly when you suggested meeting up. I think you know this deep down but because you are hurting you are looking for ways to numb that pain and knowing you meant something to him helps .... but, based on what you have told us, I really don't think you ever did. Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 it ended up not immediately after I suggested that it took a few months we chatted every night then lots less cos his wife was suspicious then a few minutes a night till that night he was awful to mr that night n I retaliated by phoning him n leaving a message he said she had heard it inthink not it didn't end immediately it tapered of by him all him n then he said he'd email n stuff I mailed him phoned him no contact he is ignoring me Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I would ignore you too, honestly. Both of you were caught in an online affair and now it's over. Are you that worried about a man you never met when you have a husband at home, who doesn't deserve this from you? Time for you to get your priorities straight. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 He wasn't real, the relationship wasn't real. What you have at home is real, a husband that likely adores you and doesn't deserve a wife that care more about some unknown stranger feeling's than her own husbands. Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 you wud ignore me lol why wat do u know if u haven't been here? Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Ignore me yes but whilst the going was good n he was getting his hard in n his sexy chat n pics it was okay yes I'm wrong yes it was a lie but why lie to me about it if it was fun it was fun why lie? Just rope me in cos I was stupid I'd always much have known thr truth so much more Link to comment
Tanzi Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 he was awful to mr that night n I retaliated by phoning him n leaving a message he said she had heard it inthink not n then he said he'd email n stuff I mailed him phoned him no contact he is ignoring me Well, regardless of how long it took to end, you seem pretty aware from your original post at what point it started tapering off and the above should tell you all you need to know. Forget this guy. He used you and now he is using someone else. Focus on your marriage and what has gone wrong ... because obviously something has for this to be able to happen. Is it fixable? How would feel if you came close to losing your husband? This should be your focus. Link to comment
Spicey66 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 He was never gonna leave her or me my husband but in his words I cannot not have u in my life n then two weeks later nothing forgive me for answering rudely bac to you I have not asked for rudeness just help I know it was wrong I'm not completely stupid it just hurts to be used Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Are you really that hurt that he lied to you? You are lying to your husband, so perhaps the punishment in this case fits the crime. Don't lie to your husband and then you can expect the same from others. Link to comment
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