havent gone 1 day without thinking of her in 7 months...man ive had enough now

[jonesyjakk]

How do I feel???

 

Man I still feel a little numb, 7 months out of an 8 n half year r/s with a kid who will be 2 in august.

 

The wonder kills me....the wonder. I decided I wanted nothing to do with her and thats where I am at I guess. I still love her so much, Im still quite angry I guess, but Im ok. Im getting on with my life. I was talking to a guy I met in work who said he was with his ex for 4 years and its taken him 2 years to get over her. I wreckon it will probably take me something simular.

 

Im nowhere near being over her, and what is being over someone, I dont wanna say IM OVER HER, what I wanna be able to say is, I accept, and that im happy either way, if you came back into my life I would think about being with you, and if you didnt come back into my life, well, im happy with what ive got.

 

Ive got a plan, ive got a plan to do this course in a few weeks, ive got a plan to stay with my parents till next summer and save money, then i will look for a job in her city and get a little flat there.

 

thats where i have to be if i want a good r/s with my son when he goes to school. it still hurts so much, i wonder about her alot, i know its not healthy but i do, not half as much as i used to, but i hope shes happy, i wonder if shes happy, i wonder why she never texts me and then i realise i told her not to, and that i want nothing to do with her, fact is, i only want nothing to do with her if she doesnt wanna be with me and she doesnt...so viscious corcle i guess.

 

im so much better than i was 7 months back, so much, im back to me, buying nice things for myself, just being me, got my mind back and everythings getting better, except for the fact we're not a family.

 

Fathers day i had a card from her off my son, in her bday card and her mums day card i did not write in it, my son scribbled with crayons in it....she did the same for me in my bday card in may, she didnt write in it, it was just my sons scribble.

 

I guess I feel a little low today...my fathers day card had his scribble in it, but she also wrote, TO DADDY, LOVE YOU, (SONS NAME) and there was a t-shirt for my son which said MY DADDY'S MR HAPPY.

 

Ha, I had to laugh, if only she knew....I shoulda text to say thanks, but I didn't, I left it, because I really dont want anything to do with her, I shoulda been the bigger man, but I didnt want her sweet reply...oh its ok no problem, glad you like it....im just not ready for that, texting me while shes probably laying in his arms, no thanks.....after what you did im not saying thank you you can f.... right off. i know i shoulda been the better man, but i cant. next year im sure will be alot different.

 

so thats where i am at at the moment, miss her and 7 months is nothing when you consider 8 n half years of memories in my head...i still have alot of questions in my mind, things id love to say to her, i feel like writing her a letter sometimes but then what use would it be, i feel like saying look i still love you, and thats why i want nothing to do with you, but the door is always open for a talk if you ever change your mind ok....otherwise please know that im not being mean, it all just hurts alot still, when i hug our son, all the memories of him being born, growing, all the learning to be parents we did together, but whats the point? there is none.

 

oh well, it still hurts, shes moved on, life goes on, i know where i wanna be without out her in my life....

 

 

 

 

 

 

jonesy

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Jonesy,

Well you know I was married once and had a son. When my son was 6, his father and I separated. There was a lot of hurt there, and then, well I suppose I always knew that for my son's happiness and stability, I needed to have a civil relationship with his father. When I saw my son become unhappy, I knew what I wanted more than anything was for my son to be happy. I know you are a good father and love your son with all of your heart, and that you would do anything for him. At first, I had to really try hard to bite my tongue with things his father said and did. It got easier though. As my son grew up, he even used to say he was proud of us - that we got along better than most of his friends parents who were married. There have been times when I've been so glad I did this. Like when my son graduated from uni and his father and I were both able to be with him fully that day and then all go out together for lunch. His father and I aren't close friends or anything, but you know there have been times his father has been very kind to me. This is good for me to be telling you this because it reminds me that time heals. Right now with my most recent ex, it feels like I'll never heal because I love him so much and we had so much happiness together, and I haven't gotten to where you are now with my most recent BU. It's so good to hear that for your son's sake you will be living in the same city as her. I believe this is a very good choice. Sending you warmest wishes Jonesy. Hugs.

[Eocsor]

After a relationship ofthat length of time it will take about 18 months to two years before you are totally out the other side. At least thats been my experience as well as my two divorced friends. It sucks but the time does start to pass more quickly the farther you get from the event. Hang in there and you'll get back to normal eventually