This pain is so hard to deal with...

[soru]

I'm so sick of the ups and downs. This horrible pain in my chest just won't go away. This feeling of loss. I've done so much to try to get my mind off of things, but this periodic grief still hits me, and it hits hard...I just wanna cry and scream, but I can't. It's like building up for me to just erupt into even more sorrow. Her treating me like I'm the plague is the most horrible feeling ever. Especially when I was the one who once made her the happiest? I can't deal with this anymore...I'm so tired of this agony. It seemingly never goes away.

 

I just want someone to comfort me. It's been a month since the break up and at this point, my friends and family are tired of being the confidants, so I'm trying to cope with it on my own, but this depression and this feeling of loneliness is eating me alive. I'm not even safe in my sleep anymore as I often dream about her. And they aren't happy ones either. Intellectually I know I need to move on and be strong and to do as much as I can to distract myself, but my heart and emotions are bleeding out and screaming out. I'm putting on this front that I'm feeling better, but I'm not. This is so damn difficult. I just need so much comfort right now...I can't even express my distress in words. Somone please give me a shoulder to lean on...

[IrishGrl]

I am feeling the same! Its been two months since we broke up, I rang him to day, asked does he ever think we will get back together he said "NO!", I have just pestered him so much he will never take me back, I should have just left him alone! I am hurting really bad and feel like I can barely take care of myself, I know I would want to snap out of it, it is really hard to. Have you talked to her much about it?

[soru]

Yeah, us dumpees go through hell...I'm sorry he was so harsh about it.

 

The first three weeks, yeah I tried to persuade her, and failed miserably. She would text me often during that time period, but I told her it was hard for me since she was giving me false hope as she was texting me in a "friend" kind of way, as if nothing even happened. It was like she was trying soooo hard to friend zone me, and it was insulting to my emotions so I told her to stop. She called me a few times asking if I was home, so she could take me to get coffee, but it was purely out of guilt as she texted me to ask if I thought she was a * * * * ty person and if she could help me move on? She handled this so poorly, I don't think we can ever reconcile, because I kept on pursuing, and she kept on denying me.

 

Last week was her birthday even, and I went got her a card. it seemed like she was just accepting it out of pity and was just trying to be nice rather than was actually appreciative of the thought. I then see that she blocked me on fb and I left her a voicemail that day asking her how could she just exile me like that. It wasnt out of anger, but out of sadness and hurt.

[IrishGrl]

Sounds like almost exactly what happened to me, just kept trying and begging, crying. I think all he feels for me now is a bit of pitty. I am not going to contact him anymore as of today. The whole thing has really upset me so much. I am living in this city because I moved here to be with him, I know no one here still, my family lives in the US so I might go back there, if I stay here it will be only in the hopes that we would get back together and he said its not going to happen even though its still what I want. Its so stupid but I keep wishing I could go back in time to fix it. I dont know what to do about fb because he is my friend on it but I dont want to see him flirting with other girls and going out with people.

I dont know why people are like this, I would never hurt someone like this.

[soru]

What's incredible is how much shes changed...She's no longer the same girl I fell in love with. She turned into the same kind of girl that she used to hate. She's definitely having a transformation, and it looks destructive and indecisive. She's keen on throwing away others (now including me) to replace them with new. She's the most lost person I've ever come to know, because I witnessed this happen right before my very eyes. I want to help her, but it's out of my hands. She doesnt even want me in her life anyway.

[boyblue]

Know how you feel, how can they just turn from being so into you to properly hating you? I'll never understand some people I think my EX has some mind problems or something, of which I picked up a hint of from what her family said about her and all that. She is so self-centred and could do no wrong even if it was all her fault. Everything was my fault and I was left feeling the guilt and anger while she just probably laughed her way out of it. The more and more I go on the more and more I kind of get angry - not directly at her but the problems she has that makes her this way, she had so much going for her and we could have been great but these problems and things she lets manifest in her head got the better of her.

 

BB

[soru]

Dude, same here. I dont hate her, but its this misguided and foolish outlook she has on things thats such a shame. Everyone that knew both me AND her but who also arent incredibly biased like her closer friends, all agree that she is in a state of confusion and is being difficult. All of them basically told me to move on for now and let her initiate if she ever does.

 

It seems like theres a lot of people, more than I thought who allow their insecurities and self centered ways get the best of them to the point, that they feel they need to just thoughtlessly act completely different. I know now not to try to be the hero of some damsel in distress, because in the end, all I did was reassure her to the point to where she thought she was better than me, and wasn't satisfied with my presence anymore. She went from the sweet modest girl with some insecurities to someone who wanted to be accepted and impress everyone, overconfident and more insecurities. Hell, her insecurities are the source of why she was acting this way, and I tried my best to try to help her, but she just took my advice and words as me criticizing her.

[IrishGrl]

That sucks she is acting like that. I think I let my insecurities and self centered ways destroy the relationship I had. I was mainly just down and stressed and went to him to comfort me and help fix it that drove him away. I thought if I change for the better he would take me back; like maybe if your ex could change back to how she was before it would be better. But I am a dreamer and maybe I am deluding myself.

[soru]

maybe if your ex could change back to how she was before it would be better. But I am a dreamer and maybe I am deluding myself.

 

People cant really change "back" i don't think. They go through stages in their lives, whether its bad or not. Yeah, she can bring back most of her old properties back to an extent, but she still wouldnt exactly be the same. That was a different part of her life, and now shes on to the next one. I feel like she looked at me, and it just reminded her of the old her. She lost sight of why she was even with me. Yeah, I was loving, and i was giving, and we didn't really argue. She just up and left because she wants to do things her own. It felt selfish. Why? Because I was strung along. She didn't communicate with me at all. I did however know just by her actions she wasn't into me as much, and I tried to rekindle it, since she'd always would just blame her uninterested attitude on school work and stress. I felt like I was giving and giving and giving, and she was just taking and taking and taking, and not even really appreciating it the way she used to. I felt like a servant who could never please his master, and I HATED that. I told her so many times that she didn't appreciate me, but she would just always tell me she did, but I still didn't believe her. Her words and her actions were completely different.

 

It hurt so bad to see my lover sit next to me, and would rather look around at her surroundings instead of looking me in the eyes with love. Its crazy because I have video proof of her "then" and more recent or "now" of us eating at a restaurant. The older video showed her smiling and gazing into the camera with love and compassion. So much warmth. Then the newer video showed her just looking around, and being adrift like she was bored. I even said "give me your hand" and held out my hand for her to hold it, and she just looked blankly at it like it was foreign object. I had to beckon for her to hold onto it. I hate this kind of breakup. It's so * * * * ing harsh. Witnessing someone's feelings for you turn to ash when they could have just told you the truth...That they weren't into you anymore. But no, she just strung me along, saying she was stressed and was busy...Picking her friends over me all the time....Yet saying she appreciated me. I hate it. I can't take this pain. It's going to take so damn long to get over her because of the way she handled this.