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Need some advice on NC/LC-- please see below:


Hi all-- been posting here on and off for the last couple weeks because I'm going through a rough breakup with my ex b/f of a year. We had a fantastic relationship... SUPER compatible... and he ended it very suddenly, citing he wasn't sure he ever wanted to remarry (he was dumped and cheated on by his ex wife) and he didn't feel right "dating me" just to "date me." He told me I deserved someone who knew for sure they wanted to marry, and he just wasn't there. He is 26, I am 25.


I went NC, and told him during the breakup I would maybe one day want to be friends, but I had such strong feelings for him that I needed time and space to heal. He obliged, and I didn't hear from him. A week went by, and he asked a friend of mine if she thought it was a good idea for him to show up at my friend "J's" concert. They are MY friends, but he wanted to go in support of the show, it was a big show to J and the band, and before we broke up he was invited. He didn't end up coming because my friend said it was a "tough call" whether I would handle it OK or not. The second week of NC I broke NC a little and was reading some online forums that I know he frequents. I was shopping for a car and was researching the new car, and came accross some posts he left about shopping for a car for a girl he knows from his second job. I never trusted her, she's married but was always VERY friendly with the ex. Long story short, I followed along with the story, hoping he was just being nice, until one day I saw that she backed into his car. I kinda chuckled at the thought of karma. I was then quickly brought down when I saw him post that "the other half" did it. I was devastated... it seemed to me like he was seeing her in less than 2 weeks from our breakup.


I found out through some Facebook research that she's divorcing her husband. There's no evidence of her wedding pics or her marriage on FB anymore. I was LIVID. This was last week. Since he has my key to my apt and some other things, I went over last Monday to get them. She was there. I told him very calmly (not desperately crying or yelling at all) that I knew what was going on and I thought it was pathetic that he couldn't tell me the truth about this girl. I told him I had seen the post on the car forum (he knows I know about the forum, we now drive the same car) and he said it was a bad choice of words... that she wasn't his girlfriend. (Later that night he "edited" the post, btw. It no longer said the comment about the other half.) I told him after what his ex put him through, he should have enough compassion for a person to come clean. He denied that they had a relationship, and said he wouldn't get into a relationship with a woman who was just like his ex. She's not his type at ALL... so that would make sense, but of course he could just be saying that. He started to tear up at one point in the conversation-- which he also did when he broke up with me. In the entire year I dated the guy, I never once saw him tear up like this. It almost did seem sincere.


I told him I wasn't quite sure I believed him, especially because she was watching us out the window. He said he had wanted to contact me but when we broke up, he assumed when I said I needed time, he shouldn't contact me because it would upset me. He told me I was his best friend and he'd tell me the truth, even if the truth would hurt me. I left, he hugged me with a "half hug" as I got into the car, and I told him I wasn't sure if I believed him or not. Never once did I cry... yell or ask for him to take me back. I just wanted closure. I didn't get it.


Two days later, last Weds, he emailed me to tell me that next time I was gonna drop by and try and "catch him" doing something, I should ask first, because he's not hiding anything. He asked me if I thought it was OK if he came to J's band's CD release party (again, my friend, not his) and then told me this girl was moving in temporarily because she had nowhere else to go. apparently her ex-husband kicked her out and took the car and everything, and she had limited, if any other options. He felt the need to tell me his parents were aware of it (they are super conservative and don't agree with him living with a romantic partner before marriage) and that they were OK with it. He was always weary of us moving in together too soon when we talked about moving in together near the 1-yr mark. I believe him when he says he wouldn't move in a girl so quickly that he was dating, for that reason. She's staying in a guest room and paying rent until she "sorts things out." He also mentioned in this email that he was missing "it" and masturbating wasn't cutting it so much. He said he told me that because he's been doing his best to exercise self control and not text me about how he misses it... but in case he does slip up and text me about it, I'm aware he's having a hard time without the sex.


I took a few days to let my thoughts come together and I put together a very close-ended reply. I sent it two days later, on Friday. I told him if he wanted to come to the concert in July, it's his choice (it IS a public place, afterall, I can't stop him) but I ask his "friend" not accompany him. I told him I thought his decision to let her move in was a poor one, but it's his choice. I left it at that. I told him again, I don't want a FWB relationship regarding his "horny" remark. I have yet to get a reply, and it's been several days.


I feel bad in a sense for breaking NC, but at least I'm not the one sending the first email, etc. He's been trying to reach out to come to things he KNOWS I'll be at, and even asked if I was going to come racing (I've been getting into racing my old mustang, and now my new camaro). I'm not ready to be full on friends, but in my heart I don't feel right going NC completely. I feel like it might give him the wrong impression if I ignore him. I surely don't go to events that he might be at (racing, etc) but if he walks into the room at the concert, I don't wanna come off as a bi*** and ignore him... especially if he really ISNT dating this girl. People have been telling me to just let HIM do the work-- if he contacts me, be cordial, but don't let him reign me into anything.


I know this board is generally NC all the way-- but is LC ok too in some situations? I feel a little better going LC, ONLY when he contacts me, than full on NC.


Also, can any men weigh in on as to WHY he didn't return my key (I had to go get it 2 weeks after BU, despite him saying he was going to drop it off under my mat), why he's trying to come out to support MY friend's endeavors, and why he's reaching out, after I pretty much told him I knew he was being shady? Is he trying to save face or does he generally care? I guess I don't get it.

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