How to keep your ''sanity'' when it comes to love.

[He2Him]

I know there are many people who become victim of love, in sense, that they lose sight of themselves, put the other person on pedestal and their lives or part of their lives get destroyed by this behavior in the end. As they grow, they learn to keep some distance and don't fall in love so easily, or better to say without consideration of other stuff. Further ahead, they will learn how to keep themselves in the center of happenings, not get overloaded with thoughts of other gal/guy only and they will keep their mental sanity, when it comes to ''falling in love''.

 

And I would like to hear from these people, who has managed to achieve such state of mind, how did you do that, and probably more importantly - How do you maintain it? How do you keep yourself in the center of your life, yet manage to recognize and appreciate the other person to the fullest without shifting axis of your life from yourself to them ?

 

I'm asking this, because I'm getting into this stage, but I'm fairly new at it and to avoid unnecessary mistakes I'd like to know how to handle it.

 

To illustrate better the case, I've been in love with many girls, always making mistake of going all out and head over heels for them. I lost control of my life and well, my life was about them. I got burned, but learned my lessons.

 

Anyway. Now, there's this girl, which is really cool, she's cute, calm, collected. She has, in my eyes, perfect smile and is overall very beautiful. I know, I could easily go crazy about her if I wasn't careful and didn't keep myself in check. Sometimes, I go visit her and talk to her (she's a receptionist), and here it gets tricky. I feel that if I went there with mindset that I want to brighten up her day and please her and be nice to her, I might slip into that ''you're my world'' trap. So I usually think of my visits as something pleasing for me, which of course has its down side, because sometimes I start talking about myself too much (oh yea I love to talk about myself lol).

 

So I wonder, how to strike that perfect balance. I know it's just a mind game. What to keep in mind and focus on. What are the thoughts you keep when talking to someone you're interested in and don't wanna fall for them just yet,but still wanna be nice and caring.

 

Yes, I admit I don't have my stuff together in life yet, but I'm working on it. I know if I had, this would come naturally, but it's too soon and the girl is now and here. What I'm hoping for is ''being able to pretend to have my life together long enough till I get there in reality'' lol. And I would greatly appreciate tips from those who already have their life fully sorted out.

 

Cheers, ;-)

[jumper11]

I had that problem with my ex, I didn't do it out of insecurity but just because giving gave me a lot, even when he did not reciprocate. But!.. I don't do this anymore.

 

To get the balance, be with them because it makes YOU happy. When you feel good enough or already went through what you are talking about, I found it came pretty easily for me to shift out of the behaviour you are talking about..

 

Date them because you like them and because it makes YOU happy. They should be doing the same, so, I'd stop worrying about being engulfed and being 'enough'. If they are still interested, you are enough. Be sure they are enough for you

 

I figure it's great to think of yourself while still caring for the other person, it's neither too selfish or too sacrificial. It's been working great for me.

 

Maintaining it? Just keep living life this way... After my past experience, I learned I have to be happy, and if the person wants to be with me they will be, I will do my part to support the relationship but I will no longer throw my life away and give and give to a person who does not give back yet wants and wants.

[jakel]

Sounds more like obsession

[He2Him]

Thanks a lot jumper11, that helped me see the connection between the dots more clearly.