sugarfree1 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Any help here would be greatly appreciated! I met a guy at a concert a few weeks ago. I complimented his outfit and we started talking. He told me that he was a musician and asked me if my friend and I wanted to see him play a set after the concert and we said yes. After the set my friend decided to go home so he and I just hung out with his friends. We had a really great time, we talked about what seemed like everything, his friends were all nice and fun and artistic (I too am an artist) He remarked that it was "hard to find good people to talk to" in this city and he was so glad the he met me. He even said " I could definitely do this with you every day." Anyway, we stayed out talking and hanging out until the sun came up. then we parted ways. That same day at around 6PM he sent me a text that said: "Did you get home ok?" and I replied "Yes thank you!" and went on to say how great a time I had. and he sent back "Good, me too." Then I sent one saying how I looked his band up on FB (He told me to and I do not have a FB) and I LOVED his music (which I did) I noticed that a guy I know (Casually, not well at all) sometimes played in the band. He responded. "thanks and that's awesome." I thought the texts were curt and a little off considering when we were texting the night before he was making jokes and using puncuation. However, I am a classic over thinker so I let it go. Now, if he'd tried to keep the texts going the first day or even seemed interested I definitely would have contacted him but I felt sort of awkward so I didn't. 3 days go by and I don't hear from him. Then on the 4th day at 9:00 in the morning he texts. "How do you know *****?" (the guy in the band) I thought it was odd, no hello or anything. so I text back "Hello! We have a friend in common" Then he says "My friends all said you were really pretty." And while I was flattered I was also thrown by the change of subject! But I said, that's nice to hear and told him again how much fun I had and that his friends were really awesome (which they are) So he sends back "yeah, I tried to tell them otherwise but they wouldn't listen " (Obviously a joke) then I sent: "They were smart not to fall for that nonsense!" and he never texted back that day, or ever again! * * * ? Seeing as the texts were so weird I didn't know what to do, I wracked my brain trying to come up with something I could text to him that could get the convo rolling again or show him that I liked him but I couldn't! It was really weird and when we were hanging out he was texting up a storm not only to me but to other people too! (a red flag I know but I realize that this is the digital age)So I know it's not a "he doesn't like to text" thing. If history tells me anything it's that "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME." I know...but why? Where did it go wrong? Should I have texted first? Said something more charming? Why do people just disappear after a good date? Thanks for your help in advance Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Well, do you really think you went on a "date" with this guy? Maybe I am reading the story wrong, but it sounds like he is in a band and you were in the audience, and afterwards you hung out with him and his friends. Am I missing something? Link to comment
He2Him Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I'm missing some affection from your side. If I were him receiving texts you present here I wouldn't be that much into you either. He asks you if you got home safe and you reply 'yes thank you'... where's the 'and how about you?' part. People who care for others, always ask. Some don't care and ask anyway to cover it up, but that's a different story. All I know is that details matter, because in the end they get noticed. Link to comment
littlerain Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I agree with Jennymcs. You guys never went on a date, just hung out. He has your number and know where to find you. If he's interested, he would have asked you out already. Maybe he's seeing someone, not looking for anything, or not that interested. Link to comment
sugarfree1 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Sorry if I didn't make it clear it was different band NOT his band. we were both in the audience and we hung out after somewhere else. You could change "date" to hanging out I guess... Link to comment
sugarfree1 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thanks He@Him. I did say how about you and I told him that I looked up his band and everything, I just didn't think to type it all out, but I could have done more maybe! Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Sorry if I didn't make it clear it was different band NOT his band. we were both in the audience and we hung out after somewhere else. You could change "date" to hanging out I guess... Yeah, I think you guys hung out and he enjoyed talking to you- but you didn't go on a date, and like another poster said, he has your number if he wanted to ask you out or even talk. I think he probably just wasn't as into it as you were, or has a girlfriend. It sucks, sorry. Link to comment
sugarfree1 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thanks Jenny_mcs, clearly I don't get out much when I don't even know what is considered a date! sad Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 It doesn't really sound like there was much here. Just a nice hang out. I wouldn't think too much of it. Link to comment
He2Him Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thanks He@Him. I did say how about you and I told him that I looked up his band and everything, I just didn't think to type it all out, but I could have done more maybe! Well, in that case, there's probably someone else who he likes. And also, don't expect every guy to go head over heals for you after spending one day with you. Some might be protective, in sense, that they know that falling too fast for someone is rather unreasonable thing to do. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thanks Jenny_mcs, clearly I don't get out much when I don't even know what is considered a date! sad Oh geez, sweetie, I am sorry you feel sad about this. Believe me when I say that every person under the sun has been there before- you meet someone and feel some sort of spark, and you have *so* much in common, and then nothing comes of it. You did everything right- initiated the conversation with someone you found interesting, hung out and talked with them, showed interest (looking up his band on FB). Sometimes it just doesn't turn into anything else than a fun night and good conversation. Hang in there, keep going out and meeting people and having fun, and you'll meet someone who wakes up thinking about the awesome girl he met the night before and can't wait to see her again. Link to comment
sugarfree1 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thanks He3Him, I wasn't planning a wedding I just wondered why he didn't want to hang out again, even as friends... But on the other hand that would probably be up to me to make that happen and I'm lame so there you have it Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Well, in that case, there's probably someone else who he likes. And also, don't expect every guy to go head over heals for you after spending one day with you. Some might be protective, in sense, that they know that falling too fast for someone is rather unreasonable thing to do. You know, I really don't understand mean comments like this. She wasn't expecting a guy to fall head over heals for her. She wasn't asking him to be unreasonable. This is a girl who met a guy that she really liked and thought she had a spark with, and now she is sad and disappointed that he doesn't seem interested. He2Him, you seem really really bitter, and I haven't read any of your posts, so I don't know what you're so upset about- but please don't take your bitterness out on new members that have come here for support and advice. She did absolutely nothing wrong- she's just a bit sad. Link to comment
sugarfree1 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thank you for your response, I'll keep on keepin' on Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Texts ARE short and curt. If you like this guy, the next time you are going to a concert that is of similar interest, mention it to him. See if he bites. But that's all that I'd do. interest goes both ways. Link to comment
He2Him Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 You know, I really don't understand mean comments like this. She wasn't expecting a guy to fall head over heals for her. She wasn't asking him to be unreasonable. This is a girl who met a guy that she really liked and thought she had a spark with, and now she is sad and disappointed that he doesn't seem interested. He2Him, you seem really really bitter, and I haven't read any of your posts, so I don't know what you're so upset about- but please don't take your bitterness out on new members that have come here for support and advice. She did absolutely nothing wrong- she's just a bit sad. And I don't understand why you comment on comments which you admit you don't understand. duh? Not knowing the guy fully, not knowing the OP fully either, all I was trying to do was come to a reasonable conclusion based on information provided as to why he is not interested, which is almost like trying to predict events of the future - it's just a guess. And I believe my comments in this specific thread are without falsely hope as well as sweetness or bitterness. I'm staying neutral and steer clear of any feelings if possible. And consider another thing, that perception of your reality is more of an reflection of YOURSELF, not those around. So much for commenting on bitterness you saw in my comment. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I agree with you Jenny. I think my first reaction is - Oh girl, it wasn't a date, don't worry. But I do understand. I can relate. Sometimes you feel something and you hope for more. It is understandable. OP maybe this is the kick you need to get out more? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I say chalk it up to a really fun, spontaneous evening where you got your hopes up for something more and were disappointed -but you still had a really fun time. What I did when I was dating was to have zero expectations that a man wanted to date me unless he asked me out on a date in advance -specific time and place. I met many men I hung out with like you described - and that was basically it. The zero expectations helped a lot. I was even like that about my now-husband -when we reconnected years after breaking up it was for a friendly catch up dinner that turned into a 4-5 hour evening of hanging out, talking -definite sparks. I was pleasantly surprised when he called me 2 days later to get together again (I assumed it wasn't a date since he had mentioned a girlfriend the first time we hung out). Link to comment
sugarfree1 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I would like to take the advice of both of you ladies but I can't shale the feeling that I did something wrong. During our "time" together we started out with his friends and then he asked me to go to another pub with just the two of us where we talked for hrs. At one point we were talkig about movies and he mentioned one that he'd like to see again and instead of saying yes I LIKE AN IDIOT, said the first thing on my mind which was I'm pretty sure that's not in theaters anymore." which it isn't but that was dumb! At the end of the night(which was actually 8 the next morning) he asked me for $5 for the valet (he didn't have cash) and when I handed it to him he said: "I get drinks next time?" and I just smiled. I did this because in my head I was thinking "you don't have to pay me back!" but I just smiled instead of saying yes. And I realize this takin things to seriously/literally is a "thing" I do so I feel as if I'm partially to blame. ? Link to comment
Dionys Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Any help here would be greatly appreciated! that's nice to hear and told him again how much fun I had and that his friends were really awesome (which they are) So he sends back "yeah, I tried to tell them otherwise but they wouldn't listen " (Obviously a joke) then I sent: "They were smart not to fall for that nonsense!" and he never texted back that day, or ever again! * * * ? Hi. It seems that you both had a good time for sure. He sounds like quite a nice, open guy as well considering the things he said. I know you don't mean to say that you had a date, but moreso that you had a good several hours with him where there was a lot of flirting and positive interaction going on that would similarly go on during a date. Just some thoughts: 1. It is possible, as someone pointed out, that he might already have a girlfriend/someone he has feelings for, which would explain why he hasn't replied. However, I'm guessing that, unless he has a bad relationship with his girlfriend, he would not have kept texting you nor have flirted with you at the concert, e.g. he would not have said "I could do this with you every day", or whatever it was he said. SO...my guess is that he does not have a girlfriend. 2. I really don't think mentioning that you knew that guy helped because you don't know what relationship/friendship dynamic the guy you like has with the mutual guy friend. They may not get along. One might be envious of the other. The mutual guy friend might be a real player and boasts about sleeping around with lots of girls, which could make the guy you like wonder if you were one of the victims. Of course this is all far-fetched speculation but sometimes in life there are real crazy reasons and contributing factors as to why a person might not get in contact. 3. In your quote above, I really think you did not help yourself by writing: "They were smart not to fall for that nonsense!" Although the other viewers and I know in what context you wrote and meant that text, as a recipient who thinks you were a cute girl he met, he might have taken that the wrong way. For one, although you were joking and putting yourself down indirectly, that comment you wrote is quite ambiguous actually. It is like saying "What you said was a load of nonsense. Ha...glad they didn't believe you." I try to be quite direct in my texts, although I have recently experienced some weird text-related problems myself (see my thread, haha). My advice to you would be to contact him. Be practical about what you write. Don't write too much but ensure that everything you write says something and you don't end up writing more than you ought to (like my post here probably!). Write something like "Hey...how've you been? I had an awesome time with you that day. Want to hang out sometime?" I think that would be OK because it's not as though you're asking him a few days after meeting him. That would create a lot of pressure on him. It's been weeks and if he has fond memories of you and remembers you as that cute girl, he will meet up with you. If he is hesitant, and you feel that he is playing games...or is pulling back and does not want to meet you, then surely you know his intentions: that he is not into you (enough). Finally, I just read your last post, I think you should try to work on how you react around guys you like, or a guy you like. It seems that you are too afraid to show how you feel/not good at communicating interest to a guy e.g. the incident with him telling you he'll get drinks next time and you give a bad response; he suggested a movie and you say it's not showing. I recognize all these as signs of a woman subconsciously playing hard to get and wanting to be pursued. It is much better nowadays and easier on a guy's ego, to show him that you are interested. I hope that helps. D Link to comment
sugarfree1 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Thanks D. all 3 of your points crossed my mind so it is reassuring to know that people can take things differently than you intend (especially in writing as opposed to speaking!) and that can have a terrible effect in the long run. In my endless pondering I definitely thought about it being a bad idea to say that I knew his friend (after I said it of course ) and I really regretted it when his first text after no contact for 4 days was only: "How do you know ****?" and nothing else. It certainly made me feel like the only reason he sent a text was to find out the likelyhood of having to see me awkwardly again! I also thought that my text about his nonsense might have been taken the wrong way but he DID text me, albeit jokingly, that he was trying to convince his friends that I was ugly so I figured he'd know we were both playing around. We both realized fairly quickly that we had sarcasm and in common. Every time I smiled or laughed he'd say "I just don't get why you don't like me at all?" it become a running joke. and I'd say "it's definitely because...and insert something I really liked about him and we had a good laugh. and I COMPLETELY agree with your last paragraph! I try very hard to make a conscious effort NOT to react that way because I am honestly NOT playing hard to get I am just a little nuts I think! I have a near-debilitating habit of over thinking when it comes to men. I can literally deconstruct any flirtation, explain away any compliment and negate any hope that the man talking to me isn't full of crap within seconds. I'm sure it comes from my upbringing or something but I just feel like guys say all these things just to see how I'll react, not because they mean it. And I genuinely try to be open but it's hard, as soon as the conversation gets flowing I revert back to old ways before I even realize I've done it. It wasn't until I went to the restroom that I realized how ridiculous it was to say that the movie wasn't in the theatres! I answered like a consierge or something not like a person on a date! Ugh... Link to comment
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