Don't want to break hearts

[anom779]

The problem I'm having is with the hearts that I've broken.

 

I'm not an extremely promiscuous man, I've had only 6 sexual partners throughout my life, 3 of those being long term relationships (7+months). But the dissolution of each of those relationships has wreaked havoc on the lives of these women. These endings have not even been particularly angry...

 

Perhaps I should give a few details. I'm not very attractive in a conventional sense (most people would say I look like catholic Jesus). I'm often complimented on how smart I am but that's entirely relative to who you spend your time around. I'm 25 years old and am not in any sort of advanced education nor do I have ambitions for it. I survive off as little as $15,000 a year in a job that allows me a lot of freedom, I make absolutely certain that I'm not a (financial) leach in these relationships. I do my part to help whenever I can, trying to have a generally positive effect on the lives of those around me. I have no trouble at all maintaining a relationship, I'm completely honest in all but my most deep thoughts. I put a great deal of effort into establishing healthy communication, talking things out to realize that we were only upset about a mutual misunderstanding but knowing when to drop it if we'd just be arguing over a difference of opinion; I try not to sweat the small stuff. Maybe I shouldn't say but I've never disappointed in bed either, I basically can't get an erection without a feeling of love and connection and I don't find it that difficult to last long enough for her to finish first, every time. The nature of my life style allows me to be wholly committed to loving when in a relationship, I have the freedom to mould my life around her schedule or go where she's going (this might be part of the problem). I feel like loving someone is a decision that anyone can make to love anyone else. I hate to characterize my emotions like a switch, able to be turned on or off at will, but more like a broken faucet able to turn on at will and free flowing in perpetuity; I never seem to run out of love. Knowing that time highlights the positive and erases the negative I don't see any reason not to love someone who wants to love me, no matter how short or long

it lasts. All love eventually ends in heartbreak (or worse, just fizzling out) even a couple that is together for 60 years will see one partner leave in death before the other.

 

My concept of love is nice in theory and it seems to inspire starry eyed thoughts in the women I woo but it never seems to work out in practice. When I leave, I'm leaving a relationship that has every reason to continue on forever, overcoming our obstacles together and getting to know and love each other better every day. I leave because our lives are going in different directions; I decide to go to Hong Kong for a few months; my sister is moving to Austin and I'd like to go with her; and most recently I can't help but indulge in her every desire and my own but I need to be buckling down, saving money, and improving my fitness. It's always been my decisions that cause the split and for my partners they seem to come out of the blue and are over with in a flash.

 

These women have told me that they'll love me forever. A recent interaction with one of my exs leads me to believe that I could have her back at any moment and yet she's also the girl that bears the most resentment for how I changed her life. This is what is heartbreaking for me as well, I empathize, I still love her and I'd like to be able to make her happy (as she's convinced she can only be with me) but our lives are so vastly different that I would have to give up all my hopes and dreams for my future to do so or vice versa.

 

Should I not be loving like this? She says that she doesn't want to see me hurt anyone like this and (recognizing the monstrosity of her statement) can't foresee any other solution other than for me to not be involved with anyone, ever, maybe that is how it must be. At the same time, I want to love and be loved and I can't find that fulfillment in casual trists or friends with benefits.

 

Am I being horrible by trying to be a good lover?

[DoGGYtREAts]

If Im taking this right you seem to be a free spirit and Have trouble being Buckeled into a certain path indefinately And your desire to change direction causes the problem?

[anom779]

I am pretty free spirited and I want to travel the world, these are the reasons I leave and there's no confusion about that.

I try and be up front about this and anyone who knows me seems to be able to tell instantly that I'm a nomad at heart.

 

To put it another way, :

Am I being a douche by encouraging healthy relationships when I know we're not going to be together forever?

[DoGGYtREAts]

No so long as you upfront with them about the fact that you're never going to "settle in"

[anom779]

Thanks, I suppose I just really needed to get this all out in a coherent way to help me understand it better.

I feel like I won't be able to escape hurting people.

[DoGGYtREAts]

Thanks, I suppose I just really needed to get this all out in a coherent way to help me understand it better.

I feel like I won't be able to escape hurting people.

Not true Mate- Supprisingly enough not all women want to "nest". Just gotta find someone whose willing to Live the way you do And ofc, make sure its clear early on that you are this way and she cannot expect you to "settle down".