How to Keep Him Interested?

[LC81]

Newbie here.

 

I've just reunited with someone I knew from High School (which was over 12 years ago). We friended each other on FB, but I hadn't actually laid eyes on him for twelve years. Goes without saying that we've both changed a bit!

 

In high school, he was certainly the kind of guy girls would have loved to have dated. Things haven't changed in that department. I've gone from being a bit of a wallflower to being more lively. I digress.

 

My birthday was about a month ago now, with his having fallen last week. He sent me a message on FB saying that we should go for a drink to celebrate my 30th. I left it a bit long, but texted him saying that I would love to. He had a party on Saturday celebrating his 30th, so I showed up to celebrate with him. He was stunned when he saw me (despite my confirming that I would be there), and we ended up kissing later on in the evening. He repeatedly told me I was beautiful and that I was sexy, which I took for what it was: A very drunk man giving me a compliment. Flattered? Indeed.

 

I actually heard from him the following day. After a brief text chat regarding the status of his liver, he said he'd like to see me again soon, and when I agreed, he asked if he could see me that day. He picked me up and we went for a casual drink around the corner from where I live. When we finished up he asked what I'd like to do next, so I suggested that we go to his place and just hang out. (My place was a wreck and my roommate was home.)

 

Soon as we get in the door he kisses me. We have a good laugh about the night before, and settle in to watch some TV. Not too much longer we start making out. It was obvious he would have liked for things to have gone further, but I put the brakes on.

 

He's out of town for a short while, but he mentioned after he dropped me off that he'd like to see me again. I said absolutely. We'll chat again once he comes back to the city.

 

My problem is that while I have high hopes for a relationship with someone, quite often, it never pans out. Quite often = Never. I've never actually had a boyfriend. All of my 'relationships' have been of the physical nature. But I am older now, and want to give it a shot. Hopefully with him. It's been a natural progression for me to be physically involved with someone in relatively short order, what I want to know is how to keep him interested until I am ready to get physical?

 

Without being conceited, I will tell you that I believe myself to be a catch: I am smart, funny with a broad sense of humor, and am easy on the eyes. I certainly have more to offer than my T&A. Most guys don't stick around long enough to find that out, or I am bailing before I get the chance to show them who I am. I'd like for this to not end the way the others have. I quite like this guy.

 

The other issue being that I am very straightforward. I usually say what I mean, and mean what I say. I don't play games, but I guess you could say I was calculating in a way. I don't want to be too aggressive or too laid back. I don't want to jump out of the cake on the dude, but at the same time, I don't want to have him lose interest because I was too cool.

 

Your thoughts are much appreciated!

[Psychgirl24]

I would say the first thing you should do is make sure your first couple dates are in a public place and that they don't end back at one of your houses. That makes it way too easy for things to get physical. Go out for dinner or do something else you both enjoy doing and get to know each other. Don't talk about sex too much the first couple times you hang out together.

 

I would also suggest not seeing him at the last minute. I find that guys lose interest easily when a girl is always ready and willing to spend time with him whenever he wants. If he asks to see you the same day, tell him you already have plans but can see him later in the week. Some people may call this game playing but I think that to keep a guy interested, a little bit of a game should be played. Play it cool a bit at the beginning but also show him that he does have a chance, he just has to prove he's worthy of being with you. Even if you're really into him, don't come out and tell him that at the beginning.

 

Hope this helps a bit, these strategies pretty much always work for me! Good Luck!

[enzarto]

A very drunk man giving me a compliment. Flattered? Indeed.

 

LOL.

 

First off : You just gotta be yourself. I like what you have to offer actually. If you're already upfront then that's great.

2nd: Being your own competent (confident) person, is REALLY attractive, the first part of this all sounds quite physical, hopefully he's in it for something more long term and meaningful too, sure the T&A are a handful of goods. If there's a bit of a challenge involved

 

3rd: here's a part that i think guys really fail at (i'm one to talk). You need to make him feel appreciated BUT at the same time, show a sign of independance, and the more you aren't faking that the more realistic and long lasting your relationships will be, not just with this hot guy, anyone, even your friendships

 

4th: here's an awesome one, don't fully be an open book, i know you don't play games, but i would say plant seeds, give a guy a piece of your cookie every bit of the way, in other words being physical too soon I think may have been a bit of a mistake, try and reverse a bit, see if he's in it for the valuable things (not that physical isn't valuable), like knowing you--its different when he known you most of your life, I mean knowing you now. so in a way keep him guessing, but not to the point where he'll never know you. obviously don't hide big things, but there's nothing sexier than a little mystery, making them DIG!

 

5th: change your mindset a little too, you should be thinking, how is he going to keep me, cuz your flippin awesome right? Exactly, you need to think like that (but not out of proportion, no one likes a stuck up chick lol)

 

bah im done. those are good for now, you already cover some key points in your description of your character

[Ariel85]

I think if you truly believed you were such a catch, you wouldn't be hopping into bed with guys immediately, and end up being 30 without ever having a relationship, and wondering how to keep a guy interested if you're not sleeping with him. The reason guys aren't sticking around to find out more about you, is that you keep giving up the prize out of the gate, so they have no need to go further.

 

And here you are, repeating your pattern again. First date, and you suggest you go back to his place, and then you're making out on the couch, and he wants more.

 

I'd advise you before going further, to try and bridge the big disconnect between what you say you want, and how you're going about it.

[dramallama]

It's not your job to keep him interested. This is a time where both of you learn about one another, and he should be enjoying the process and respecting your decision. Not counting down the days until you've talked enough so that he can get into your pants. Those are the types of guys that you need to avoid.

[BlueMilk]

Y'know, I never agreed with the idea of 'no sleeping on the first date or you'd lose the man'. Maybe its because I am a huge Savage Love fan (who has fans that became lovers/married couple after meeting via /glory hole encounter/) and believe that sexual compatibility means if you're the type of girl who sleeps on the first date then you should meet a guy who doesn't mind that and still respects you in the morning. /The/ only problem I think girls who get physical quick have is the 'weeding out' process. Basically you are in the camp of 'kissing more frogs', while others may be more snow white 'best friends with guys until the right one comes along' wagon, etc. There is no right and wrong way.

 

BUT! Considering you want to change how you deal with this guy from how you treated others...I say make phone and text conversations longer if you can and I agree on public dating - even if it means cutting an awesome date short because its late and everything is closed except for his nice warm house. Eventually after enough platonic dates (relatively speaking) I think you should talk or hint about where you want this to go, that way you can see if he is on the same page by then or not.

[enzarto]

It's not your job to keep him interested..

Sure it may not be your 'job'. But that does not mean you shouldn't carry traits that make you an interesting person. Building attraction is something you actually "have to do", it doesn't come naturally necessarily, there are techniques. So although it may not be your job, does not mean you shouldn't focus on following the techniques to create attraction. So I will partially disagree with the dramallama. In order for him to even care about learning about you, you need to create that interesting person yourself. I could project that it's often that interesting people may not be discovered simply because they don't create that interest. I don't think that Mr. Guy has been counting the days either, no where does it even say that in her post...working with what she said I think we can still say there is a possibility for potential. Since you got physical sooner than later, my question is, what do you actually like about this guy?