jazzykat Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 What happened with the other "shy guy" from your work? Link to comment
SA_Guy99 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Sure, but most women don't because they know that's not how the dating world works. And they probably think that because the shy guy isn't approaching them, then he's not interested (as demonstrated by this thread). Shy guys can take that risk, but there will always be another guy that isn't "too shy" to guy after the woman they want, so really, shy guys lose out in the end because they choose not to play the game. But if you want to wait for women to approach you, that's fine. But you're not really increasing your chances. That may be how the dating world works for you, but it's not a set rule in all of society. The whole concept that dating is a game is what holds shy guys back. We don't want to play a game, we want to meet a genuine girl who is willing to do more than just sit back and wait for the work to be done for her. This is not the caveman age. Women have no excuse to like a guy and do nothing about it, especially when they also have the nerve to complain that the guy she likes isn't making a move on her. Just a few weeks ago, I was asked out, so it's definitely not something as taboo as you suggest. It just needs to happen more often. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 That may be how the dating world works for you, but it's not a set rule in all of society. The whole concept that dating is a game is what holds shy guys back. We don't want to play a game, we want to meet a genuine girl who is willing to do more than just sit back and wait for the work to be done for her. This is not the caveman age. Women have no excuse to like a guy and do nothing about it, especially when they also have the nerve to complain that the guy she likes isn't making a move on her. Just a few weeks ago, I was asked out, so it's definitely not something as taboo as you suggest. It just needs to happen more often. Well, you can wish for it to happen, or you can play the game. To meet women you have to play the game. I don't really see why, if a guy likes a girl, can't ask for her number and call her up - if he is interested, like the the guy that the OP is talking about, then he will do so. I don't see how that is "doing all the work". When men truly want something, they won't mind doing the work to chase her. It's in our genes and the dating game now is simply a refined version of the chase. It has worked for thousands of years, and it's survival of the fittest. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I've read some of your prior threads about shy men and I'm thinking maybe you need to leave these cats alone. Have you thought about men that are a little more outgoing. Because right now it sounds like you trying to turn a poodle into a pitbull. Link to comment
SA_Guy99 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Well, you can wish for it to happen, or you can play the game. To meet women you have to play the game. I don't really see why, if a guy likes a girl, can't ask for her number and call her up - if he is interested, like the the guy that the OP is talking about, then he will do so. I don't see how that is "doing all the work". When men truly want something, they won't mind doing the work to chase her. It's in our genes and the dating game now is simply a refined version of the chase. It has worked for thousands of years, and it's survival of the fittest. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a man pursuing, but I am saying that there is nothing wrong with women doing the same thing and you are basically saying it is wrong. I don't have to wish for a woman to ask me out. I just finished telling you that it happened. We went on a date, we had a good time. Unfortunately I didn't feel anything that I wanted to keep pursuing. You're closed-minded about this, and you clearly do not understand what shyness (and for some of us, myself included, anxiety) can do to a person. Not asking a girl I like out doesn't mean I don't want her enough. It means I have a mental issue that I have trouble overcoming. It's not a switch that can be flipped on an instant. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a man pursuing, but I am saying that there is nothing wrong with women doing the same thing and you are basically saying it is wrong. I don't have to wish for a woman to ask me out. I just finished telling you that it happened. We went on a date, we had a good time. Unfortunately I didn't feel anything that I wanted to keep pursuing. You're closed-minded about this, and you clearly do not understand what shyness (and for some of us, myself included, anxiety) can do to a person. Not asking a girl I like out doesn't mean I don't want her enough. It means I have a mental issue that I have trouble overcoming. It's not a switch that can be flipped on an instant. On some level, I think that it does. If it feels "safer" for you not to take the risk to ask a woman out, then you feeling safe has been put above the potential reward of getting to know a girl that you're interested in. It's risk vs reward, and with shy people, they make the risk seem sooooo much greater than it actually is. If you are being proactive in trying to overcome your shyness so that you DO take risks and put the reward above your need to feel safe, then that's good, if you want to go on dates, that is and if being shy is a problem for you. I'm not saying it's wrong for women to ask men out. But you are not really tipping the odds in your favour if you expect it, because that is not how the dating world works most of the time. Link to comment
SA_Guy99 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Trust me, if it were just a matter of will, there wouldn't be a problem with shy people. Those of us who suffer the true anxiety when it comes to pursuing women have legitimate mental illnesses. I've gone for help. I'm on anti-anxiety medication and I've gone for counselling. So far, no good, as far as it goes with me going after women I want to pursue. You can't tell me it's because I don't want a girl enough. You have no clue how much some guys suffer because of this. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Here's the crux of it. I know this has been reduced into debating the society rules of dating and why can't women ask men out, etc. This isn't about that. In this particular situation its not Boy meets Girl and they both appear interested so after playful banter, the girl or guy asks the other one out. In this case, the friend is acting as a middle man to feel the OP out to see if she would be receptive or give the green light to his shy friend. He discovered that while there is no guarantee of a relationship, she at least is receptive to giving him a fair shake. Therefore, the shy guy is almost guaranteed a date or at least a "get to know you" coffee if he calls. But even after that assurance, the guy won't call her. So therefore, the ball is totally in the guys court. Things have been made as easy as possible for him as he doesn't have to do a "cold call" or lay a line on her. So either this "scorpio friend" has lied about his shy friend's interest or the shy friend is too afraid to call - and if he won't make a move after his initial move is all put guaranteed a success unless he tells her he is a drug dealer over the phone, then I can see where the OP would want to write him off. If the situation was reversed and a female friend told a guy that her female friend wanted to ask him out, then the women in question would approach the man. Link to comment
NMF1978 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Well, you can wish for it to happen, or you can play the game. To meet women you have to play the game. I don't really see why, if a guy likes a girl, can't ask for her number and call her up - if he is interested, like the the guy that the OP is talking about, then he will do so. I don't see how that is "doing all the work". When men truly want something, they won't mind doing the work to chase her. It's in our genes and the dating game now is simply a refined version of the chase. It has worked for thousands of years, and it's survival of the fittest. how many times are you going to repeat yourself "thats how the dating-game works... bla bla bla..." first of all i have no intrest in playing a game and i see absolutely no reason things have to be like you said, hey women didn't have any rights for a long time and now they have equality, things change if a women is really intrested in a guy, open to a guy she also will make an effort or at the very least facilitate him approaching (make him feel comfortable), if she don't then she ain't intrested and she ain't worth pursiung anyway Link to comment
NMF1978 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Well, you can wish for it to happen, or you can play the game. To meet women you have to play the game. I don't really see why, if a guy likes a girl, can't ask for her number and call her up - if he is interested, like the the guy that the OP is talking about, then he will do so. I don't see how that is "doing all the work". When men truly want something, they won't mind doing the work to chase her. It's in our genes and the dating game now is simply a refined version of the chase. It has worked for thousands of years, and it's survival of the fittest. off course in a way its logical for you to repeat this because this 'datinggame' is hugely beneficial to women and gives them almost all of the power Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Actually it gives MEN the power because they are the ones that decide who THEY want to approach. Dating IS a game in that you need to participate and you need to generally play by the rules to try to increase your chances of attracting the best mate that you can. And you don't have to participate if you don't want to, but good luck getting dates. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Listen, some people are just not naturally as outgoing as others might be. Nobody likes to be rejected, not even the extrovert. I don't care how confident you might be, but rejection is something that we all struggle with. It's just that people who are more naturally outgoing may deal with it better. Actually it gives MEN the power because they are the ones that decide who THEY want to approach. Dating IS a game in that you need to participate and you need to generally play by the rules to try to increase your chances of attracting the best mate that you can. And you don't have to participate if you don't want to, but good luck getting dates. You're right. Dating is a game and that is the absolute most #1 reason why dating is so difficult to many because people lie and they play games. If it's so important in your view to participate and be a part of dating, then this theory is contradictory to what many women view dating as: Sitting back, chillin out and allowing the guy to come forward and initiate everything. No. There has to be a steady balance between both. If he's to initiate then she is to reciprocate and vice-versa. That's the only way. This is one of the main reasons why dating is the way it is because of the power struggle; one person feels as though they are more entitled than the other. Until we see a steady balance, there is always going to be a power struggle. Money for example is another evil. Which is why I'm sticking to my story that I believe on the first couple of dates, bring your own damn money and be prepared to understand the value of a dollar. Once things become a little more informal and relaxed than you can offer to pay for the other half. But in the beginning there's too much debate between some cats about who's paying what and where the date is booked at. That's really not as important as much as the actual quality of the person on the date. Maybe that's why our relationships and dating scenarios are so jammed up because we're too busy looking for the wrong things. Link to comment
NMF1978 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Actually it gives MEN the power because they are the ones that decide who THEY want to approach. Dating IS a game in that you need to participate and you need to generally play by the rules to try to increase your chances of attracting the best mate that you can. And you don't have to participate if you don't want to, but good luck getting dates. if like you say men approach and women choose/decide then women have all the power if this is true, that dating is always like this then this is massively unfair towards men Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.