Reflective Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 No offense. But I don't mind chasing guys here, but is this not a little pathetic? My scorpio friend is trying to set me up with this guy. What bothers me is although I'm not interested in this guy, I just want to give him a chance you know? What bothers me is for some reason I have to make the moves. He called and asked "did you call him?" His friend is a cancer btw, and apparently this cancer guy, has had a huge crush on me ever since he had a brief encounter with me 4 months ago. That's all fine and dandy, but what on earth is he so timid for? It's like his Scorpio friend has to talk for him etc. He tells me, "he really wants to take you out this weekend. Call him, blah blah blah. He wants to get to know you." Okay, but he isn't making any effort, I am really confused right now. Why do I have to go out of my way? Does he not have a mouth? If he continues this behavior I refuse to even acknowlege him this weekend when we all go out to a party. Help me out here. Link to comment
DoubleRainbow Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I would not go out with someone who does not have the courage to speak his mind out!!! Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Scorpio? Cancer? Wth has that got to do with dating? Link to comment
steve87 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Nothing wrong with cancer! ahem! I would tell Mr Scorpio to tell Mr Cancer to call you if he wants to go out. What his friend is doing is a bit childish to be honest. Link to comment
DoGGYtREAts Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Some guys really are just timid. I should know I was one of them. My first had to use some of the oldest tricks in the book to get me to take the bait Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I think if he is "too shy" to ask you out, then you need to forget him. Link to comment
DoGGYtREAts Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I think if he is "too shy" to ask you out, then you need to forget him. I dont think that's really a fair assessment. There's nothing wrong with the Girl making the first move If shes interested- Tho he should be expected to show some interest in return if he want to persue it any further. Link to comment
Reflective Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 I just think this is a little pathetic no offense... Like he's 19 years old... I never knew someone could be THIS shy!?!?! I'm just confused. Does he like me or not... It's borderline SAD Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I dont think that's really a fair assessment. There's nothing wrong with the Girl making the first move If shes interested- Tho he should be expected to show some interest in return if he want to persue it any further. That's not how the dating world works, though. Women attract, men pursue. And if he is putting his need to feel safe in his own little box, instead of taking the risk to ask her out, then I would say that he doesn't like her enough and that perhaps he is not ready for a relationship and dating. Link to comment
DoGGYtREAts Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 That's not how the dating world works, though. Women attract, men pursue. And if he is putting his need to feel safe in his own little box, instead of taking the risk to ask her out, then I would say that he doesn't like her enough and that perhaps he is not ready for a relationship and dating. There's always exceptions to the rule. People are odd creatures... soon as you think you know the universal rule to something someone does it backwards! If Natalie had taken the same stance you are proposing we would have both missed out on 2 1/2 years of very good times (we were quite young.. like 15? so thats not a horrible run ) If you like someone go for it... I dont care if your the Man or the woman.. go fo it.. the other just might be twidling thier thums waiting for you the make the move Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I'm sure there are exceptions... however, by not going after what he wants (if he does even want to go on a date with her) he is risking that she may never make that move and that she could think that HE is not interested. And she is confused. Link to comment
DoGGYtREAts Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I'm sure there are exceptions... however, by not going after what he wants (if he does even want to go on a date with her) he is risking that she may never make that move and that she could think that HE is not interested. And she is confused. I agree 100%, But since we cant Discuss this with the guy, My advice to the person coming here seeking advice is that if SHE wants to know rather theres anything there, she should make a move. Then she'll know, she wont be confused.. and she wont have that "what if" thing unfolding in her head. Link to comment
Reflective Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 I am confused. Why is his friend talking for him?!?? I like shy guys but this is a new level. I've had shy guys at LEAST show me SOMETHING! like once this shy guy showed all the moves, staring, walking by etc, he even went out of his way to just comment ona book I was reading, even asking to borrow a pencil. I like that kind of shyness it's real cute! Especially when they get super nervous, but this guy is just WEIRD!!!! I'm gonna think he isn't into me,I'm simply giving him a chance jUst to see what he is like. Now I feel as If I'm wasting my time Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Then move on. If this level of shyness is a turn off (and it would be for me too), then forget about him. If he wants to go on a date, he will stop acting like he is in school and he will pick up the phone and ask you himself. I would also stop passing messages along between people and say something instead like, "I don't want to pass messages along but you can give him my number and if he is interested I should hear from him soon." Link to comment
Reflective Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 I asked my friend what this whole point is, like I still do not really understand any of it, he says "He wants to get to know you, he thinks you're pretty and nice" Okay why can't HE tell me THIS himself? Broken telephone much? Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Because he doesn't want to be with you enough. How do you even know he really likes you? Or it could be your friend that likes you. Point is, you wouldn't know the difference. The next time your friend tries to pass along a message, say that you are not doing that anymore, but you look forward to hearing from him on the phone since he has your number. End of story. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I don't think its a problem when one person matchmakes and insists to one of them that one has to make the phone call. If the friend told you the guy was interested, it might be seen as an invasion of privacy or tacky for him to just give out your number. By giving you the guy's number, he is giving you control over the situation rather than "my friend is going to call you." Honestly, I would skip the call and ask the friend to set up something like a double date and if you don't click, forget about him. Link to comment
NMF1978 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 That's not how the dating world works, though. Women attract, men pursue. there's absolutely no reason it has to be that way, i don't mind making an effort for a women but if i knew thats how she sees dating she can get lost women who expect a man to do all or most of the work are best avoided! Link to comment
NMF1978 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Because he doesn't want to be with you enough. how do you know, maybe he's just really shy and needs to get to know her to open up Link to comment
NMF1978 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 how do you know, maybe he's just really shy and needs to get to know her to open up i'll add to that, if a women really likes you, wants to be with you she will also make an effort and certainly give you the necessary time to feel comfortable around her which is very important for a shy guy, if a women doesn't do that then she's either not intrested or not intrested enough, she might be playing the field, in other words no great loss from a mans perspective Link to comment
Zetsubouda Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 That's not how the dating world works, though. Women attract, men pursue. Yes, heaven forbid that men might ever be considered attractive, or that women be assertive enough to pursue what they want rather than waiting meekly hoping that it will come to them. Seriously, who would want to live in a world like that? I am really confused right now... Does he not have a mouth? A mouth can be quite a dangerous thing sometimes. You never know when someone will dislike or ridicule you for something you say. They say after all, that it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. I never knew someone could be THIS shy!?!?! Honestly, this Mr. Cancer you're describing sounds to be somewhere around a medium (middling or moderate) on an absolute scale of shyness. If he was only a little bit shy, yeah he might be able to hesitantly, nervously express his interest in you directly. But if he were actually severely shy? You would not even know about his feelings. His best friend would not know about his feelings. His strongest feelings would be his most closely guarded secret from the entire rest of the world because they are his greatest vulnerability! I am speaking from some experience here. I asked my friend what this whole point is, like I still do not really understand any of it, he says "He wants to get to know you, he thinks you're pretty and nice" Okay why can't HE tell me THIS himself? Broken telephone much? Do you not understand the sub-forum you are in? Perhaps you don't really believe that shyness actually exists, and that people who claim to be shy and act shy are just pretending to have these anxieties? Or perhaps you just don't understand that social anxiety is quite capable of being a more powerful motivation for behavior than even infatuation and lust. I don't mean the following as a diagnosis (I don't know nearly enough about Mr. Cancer to go that far), but reading the Wikipedia entry on Avoidant Personality Disorder may help you to understand what's going on in some shy people's heads, as well as help you realize just how severe shyness can be sometimes. link removed I think at some point you also asked about Mr. Scorpio's motivation for his role in all this. This is just speculative, but perhaps he sees his friend Mr. Cancer aching for something and is just trying to help. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I agree that shyness can be hidnering to dating, but that's just the way things are because that is what has worked for thousands of years - women have to be more selective about you they mate with because they have to carry a baby for 9 months and their child-bearing years are limited, so it's the women's job to attract (and select), and the man's job to pursue those that they find attractive. You can complain about it all you want, or you can work on your shyness problem so that you can join in the game. It's just a freaking date. If a guy can't ask out a girl and call her up, then perhaps he isn't ready to be in a relationship. Link to comment
SA_Guy99 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 It's just a freaking date. If a guy can't ask out a girl and call her up, then perhaps he isn't ready to be in a relationship. You can say the same thing for women. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Sure, but most women don't because they know that's not how the dating world works. And they probably think that because the shy guy isn't approaching them, then he's not interested (as demonstrated by this thread). Shy guys can take that risk, but there will always be another guy that isn't "too shy" to guy after the woman they want, so really, shy guys lose out in the end because they choose not to play the game. But if you want to wait for women to approach you, that's fine. But you're not really increasing your chances. Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.2d93ce2472f26b01a1e185382ba0b64e.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.78735a344a3340a866dda54f465baebb.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.