Conflicted About the Dynamics of Our Relationship

[DoGGYtREAts]

My first time Postig here, Please excuse me if this Is excessively Long.

 

So, Back when I was 19 I met this Amazing Girl on Myspace (yes I know >.>) Any ways, Every time I talked to her I just fell for her all over again. She was Like.. Everything I had ever admired in a Girl, and then some. Strong, driven, confident, And endlessly willful to boot. A little more then Most guys would want to handle, but I really admire a Girl who Think and lives for her self and doesnt constantly need the approval of all her peers (espicially common around that age)

 

After about 4 months of talking Online, and having exchanged Phone numbers, and Video chatting etc. We finally Arranged to go out. I couldn't help but be Imediately swept away by her. Absolutely georgious, Amazing figure, Stunning eyes, the most amazing flowing Hair.. all the typical assets of that Girl you dream about in your youth- And at the same time she carried herself Very confidently and didnt dress "Cheap" again as many attention-seeking females around this age. After a wonderful evening at the Bar & grill and a nice walk down the beach she went on her way and it became imediately obvious to me this was someone that was not going to just some kind of fling.

 

By the time I turned 20 we were seeing eachother On a very regular basis. Spenging weekends At eachothers Apartments, the whole nine yards. And by this time it had Become abundently clear to me who Would me playing the lead role in this relationship (That being her.) I really Didn't have a Problem with it. Much Like the Girl I admire I was quite comfrtable with myself and didn't feel at all insecure about being with a Willful girl who made most of our plans. I've always been more on the timid side and was quite happy to follow her lead

 

Fast forward about 6 Months, And we Had Gotten a small place together. Everythings going great, every time we go out it's like the first time All over again (always a good sign right?). So here we are 22, Engaged, and living quite comfortably. Now heres where I'm having a bit of conflict- I absolutely Love the same things that kind of drive me crazy at times. She's Pretty much in control of everything. It's pretty much my Life's work to make her happy. Don't get me wrong here- i have No desire to trade places with her. It's endlessly attractive to me being with somone who, for lack of a better way to describe it, Can have anything she likes with me, any time she wants... It impresses the H*** out of me . It's just now that We have more Bills and responsibilities, Im working long hours in a rough job.. And well... It all gets quite tiring at times.

 

On one hand.. Im tired when I get home.. And i really don't feel like being dragged out to the bars or being Mr. "Yes Man". On the other hand.. I do feel in a way like i owe it to her all things considered she has been quite wonderful to me, Even if she is rather Demanding. Lord knows Tanya could really Take advantage of the situation if she had ever wanted to- Not to mention.. come the end of a long week she really Makes all my trouble worth it *wink wink*. I just feel at odds here. I'm not even completely sure I want anything to change? if that makes sense? Maybe it't the sudden realization of a Lifetime Comitment thats got me doubting? I'm kinda lost here