im_the_undead Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 what's usually the reaction? my plan is to politely break it off with the guy i've been dating recently, however, i've never been the dumper, and i think i'm more afraid and sad that i'm in this position than in the other. reasons why.. well, to cut it short, he's a nice guy, but he wants to have his cake and be able to eat it too.... (wants to act like he's in a relationship but is "afraid" to commit) and by the many things he has said, i feel like he wouldn't take care of me if something were to happen. time to move on, now..... what to say, how to get the courage to do it and how do you think he'll feel? Link to comment
lunaclara Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 he'll feel great!! (not) No one likes being dumped, but if that's the right thing to do. I guess I don't understand your question. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 i mean, do you think he'll understand? some people are completely oblivious to why you had to end something, even when you tell them exactly why............. and cuss you out or something irrational. i don't think that's in his character, but i'm afraid to find out... i'd also like to know how many people on here have been dumped and then thought about the reasons why it happened..... to realize they actually were in the wrong. But thanks for the sarcasm. get that a lot around here. Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Well, we don't know him >. It'll affect him however it does, all that really matters is that you're doing the right thing and trying to be considerate of his feelings. However he acts towards you after that is almost irrelevant and you should try and not let it affect you in turn. Best wishes Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 thank you do you think i should tell him exactly what i said on here? i'm still deliberating on whether i should be blunt or simply tell him "it's not working out, sorry...." and leave it like that. -.-" sigh darnit, i really wanted it to work! Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I would explain that you two want different things in a relationship. You are looking for commitment and something steady - while he's not ready for that. Tell him it's perfectly fine, it's okay - but it's not what you want. Hopefully he'll understand - because really, it's a perfectly understandable explanation. Link to comment
Inquirer89 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Well if you aren't seeing this working out, you need to end it. I hate being the dumper in situations because it's never fun, same as it's never fun to be the dumpee... It might seem to be next to an impossibility, but it isn't and you won't feel great about ending it immediately but if you are unhappy it's up to you to end things even if you fear it'll hurt him a lot. It's better that he hurts because you are being considerate of his feelings rather than stay in the relationship because you pity how he will feel, that's selfish to do so, just so you feel better even though you're unhappy. Just be honest with him, generally people deserve honesty when it comes to things like this but if you don't feel like going into detail, go with the least amount of details and tell him that you feel it isn't going to work out, which you won't be lying to him because of the way he behaves makes you feel it will not work out. Or you can be blunt and completely honest about exactly why. In the end it's up to you. He most likely will: 1) try to justify why things are ending, trying to get you to open up a discussion about it all. Why you feel a certain way, trying to find answers to get closure, logic or whatnot out of the situation. 2) beg, plead, cry, maybe become angry and put the blame on you, deflecting the issue at hand to something else so he will feel better 3) agree with you, or just say ok, if that's what you want You won't ever know his exact reaction, but you may have a slight knowing of a little of how he will react. Being dumped is a stressful thing to have happen and you won't always know how somebody will react to it, just have to grin and bear it. If this is what you truly want, don't drag it on forever otherwise it'll make it harder to do and that's not good for either of you. I'm sorry things are not working out for you and I wish you the best of luck with this situation and it's perfectly OK to break things off with somebody who isn't fulfilling your needs. No need for you to remain unhappy when there is somebody else out there who will, can, and want to fulfill your needs in a heartbeat Link to comment
TakingtheBlame Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 The guy obviously doesn't care how you feel about the fact that he doesn't want to commit to you (but wants to keep you around for whatever other benefits he's getting.) Why do you care how he feels when you dump him? I'd just tell him what you told us: the truth. He'll probably be upset at being dumped but if he doesn't want to commit to you, I doubt it'll be for the "right" reasons. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 I needed reasurance such as the one you just provided... it took a little of the stress away. best answer i've ever recieved on this site. thank you so much! you deserve points lol Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Why do you care how he feels when you dump him? because i care about him, a lot and i have a little doubt in my mind that ending it is the right thing... i'm ending it because i feel he's not that into me, but then he sends me mixed signals that confuse me.. such as wanting to cuddle, talk, and tells me he loves me/misses me. ect i kind of brought it up last night, and other than a little peti conversation this morning, he's been ignoring me all day... he did that the last time when made a comment about "us" not ending up together........he 'thought it was what i wanted," so i guess i may just never hear from him Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Imo don't do it too nicely. If you dump them like a friend and act like a couple through the dumping it makes it very hard for the dumpee to get grounding. What i'd do is explain to him why its not working and make it very clear that your decision is absolutely final. Appologize and thank him for your time together, but once again reiterate how final the decision is. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Also despite the fact you do care about him (as you say) don't tell him this in the dumping situation. All dumpers say that, its difficult and makes him feel there is still a connection. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 ^ good advice. he's ignoring me though, so i might not even have to dump him now... guess the tables just turned on me. lol -.- Link to comment
Dlar Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Have you tried to talk to him? Sit down and have a chat about exactly what he wants, and how you're feeling about him noot been able to "take care of you"? And also about not been able to commit? Might be the best step to take.. Link to comment
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