Appologising

[chips90]

Recently I've had a bit of a fall out with a really good friend of mine. I grew to really like her and thought she shared the same feelings too. But as it turns out she didn't.

 

We've since had an argument about it now she's not talking to me. I really do want to remain friends with her but right now she is understandably pretty angry with me. I've tried apologising a few times but she doesn't seem willing to accept it.

 

Anyway, I've written a letter which I've yet to send. Basically just apologising, I've deliberately avoided trying to explain myself and just accepted that I've no excuse. I'm willing to take all the blame on this one.

 

The advice I'm looking for really is on weather or not I should send flowers too as a token of apology. She's always said she want's to receive flowers for her birthday but as far as I know nobody ever does. So I thought sending flowers as an apology might be a nice gesture.

 

What's concerning me though is that she will just see it as though I'm trying to buy her friendship back. That's not what I'm trying to do at all.

 

So my question really is just that. Would you send flowers or not?

[misssmithviii]

First, welcome to ENA; I'm curious what was the argument about?

From the context of your post, it sounds: "I grew to really like her and thought she shared the same feelings... we've since had an argument about it" - so you two argued about her not liking you?

 

As for flowers - I see no problem in that. IMO that sounds sweet and thoughtful. She shared with you at one point in time that she loves flowers and has always wanted to receive them but hasn't ever (to your knowledge) and it would be sweet.

[chips90]

Thanks for the welcome,

 

Well after realising we didn't both share the same feelings I knew I needed a bit of a break from her to get over them. I've told her that but she's seen it that I was ignoring her. In her words she thinks all the time I've been her friend I've just been trying to get close to her. And when I found out she didn't like me the same way I wasn't interested in being friends any more. It's not true we we're great friends but I then started to develop more feelings for her. At the minute though I think she's still a bit upset over the whole deal so she's refusing to see it like that.

 

In the heat of the argument I tried to explain I was really upset because I thought she shared the same feelings. Perhaps it was just the way I worded it but she took it to mean I was trying to blame her.

[misssmithviii]

She sounds ridiculous honestly - I went through kind of the same thing with my best friend since middle (junior high) school. Except we were two girls who were best friends.

 

We were sitting down together and she turned to me to say, "I love you"

I lightheartedly replied, "I love you too!"

 

And she turned serious and told me that she really, loved me in a romantic way.

I gave her a hug and told her that I was sorry but I didn't share the same feelings. It hurt her even more because I was open to romance with both sexes. She took the time and space she needed to get over me and I understood, as a truly caring friend would.

 

Now, nearly a decade later we're still best friends. We love each other so much - but not romantically.

 

Anyway - for your friend, if I were in your position I wouldn't be attracted to being someone's friend who's unwilling to be understanding of my feelings.

[misssmithviii]

I've also had many situations where a guy friend of mine developed more feelings for me. Not once did I ever argue or alienate them for it. I gave them the space they needed, and resumed friendship after the feelings passed. If the feelings never passed, we parted ways.

 

I used to have a friend growing up - a very close guy friend who fell deeply in love with me. We had a short relationship once to try it out, but I couldn't LOVE him the way he loved me. He was/is (as far as I know) quite the ladies' man and that's not very attractive to me. He's just not my type, I don't feel that romantic attraction to him. Years passed and I always kept him as a friend - he never took the time to get over me, and so when I found a serious relationship in my man now, I had to tell him we were done. He couldn't get over me, and it wasn't exactly respectful to keep around a friend who was in love with me whilst in a relationship.

 

Things happen between lovers' and friends' relationships - and I'm sorry she's not as understanding.