Broke nc but could no longer be the loser

[whatsthedeal]

Last Friday I was at a cottage my friends and I were drinking n talking about life and I missed my ex baddd called him... He didn't want to talk to me.. I made no sense but anyways.. He just told me that wen it's over it's over and we can't be friends blabla and he didn't ever want me to call him again. He doesn't know that I know what a lying scum bag he is so I emailed something to him. I felt like I'm tired of being the one that's in the wrong and that he he has been caught u don't think he will care but at this point that's it that's all.. He now knows what my thoughts are and that I'm not sitting and cryin in love with him anymore ..

 

Here is what I wrote.. Thoughts?

 

Ya sorry for the call, i had things to say but couldnt bring myself to do it. Now that I have my head on straight I'd like to share why.. I know about all the lies.. all ur friends thought that you had cheated on me n that u acted single half the time when we together, makes sense now why you didn't want me to go anywhere with you.. the * * * * that I knew about that u promised weren't true, well were, u left for the chick u r * * * * ing!!!! the list could go on and on. thanks for the favor and so no I will NEVER be calling again * WHAT A * * * * ING JOKE

[blackhawks1287]

Just know...you gave him the power all over again. Now he has this shred of evidence in written format to do as he pleases. You were better off shunning him over the phone...but that is besides the point.

 

You show a lot of emotion that reflects solely on you, not him. People will just read that and think you are crazy, unless they know what he had been doing the entire time.

[tresqua]

My thought is he's going to read it and see "blah blah blah she just can't get over me and now she's almost like a stalker".

 

That's it.

[nattpanter]

Well everyone is talking about keeping quiet and silence speaks volumes and such... I see nothing wrong in letting someone know you don`t accept the way they treated you. This is not a power-struggle it`s more about stepping up for yourself. If it made you feel better and it`s now easier to move on for you...well, Im behind you whatsthedeal! Good luck and please, keep walking from here. Im shure the future holds something special for you, like everyone who had their hearts broken...

[delboi]

yeah i would have tried to avoid showing any strong emotions as they will get power from it as blackhawk said.

 

However at least you got some stress off your chest, I wouldnt say things like that to anyone again even if i did want to get back at them.

Im not trying to make you feel bad and it seems you want us to justify your words, which they are justified if he cheated on you... all im saying is its not the best route of action...

 

For me, if i cheated on a girl, and she found out, and she just said to me something nice like "i actually loved you, i hope you have great life" and vanished... that would really get to me... if she said what you did, then i wouldnt feel anywhere as bad, and think thank god im free... No offence, just my view should this happen again, it might be useful

 

also the best sign of someone cheating, is if you suspet they are, if you get that feeling your gut, then they probably are doing something behind your back.

[whatsthedeal]

How would that make me sound crazy he did do all these things!

I feel like such and idiot for calling him at drunk at 2 am I wanted him to be embarrassed no?!

I want him to know what a loser I think he is! Look what he's done.. I don't know why I can't see this.. How does this make me look bad?

 

If u were me, what would u have done or said?

[tresqua]

How would that make me sound crazy he did do all these things!

I feel like such and idiot for calling him at drunk at 2 am I wanted him to be embarrassed no?!

I want him to know what a loser I think he is! Look what he's done.. I don't know why I can't see this.. How does this make me look bad?

 

You said it right there... you feel like an idiot for calling him while drunk at 2 am.

 

It does't MATTER that he supposedly did all those things. He doesn't care!

 

He's not going to think he's a loser, he's going to think YOU are because you can't get over him.

 

It really is that simple.

 

If u were me, what would u have done or said

 

Nothing.

 

I've been the dumper in the last couple of long term relationships. The last one that ended by her choice was a shorter, 2 month fling. She said it was over, we are two disimilar types, that's why we argued so much, and I took it in stride and never attempted to contact her after the break up call. It's called "walking away with dignity".

[whatsthedeal]

Man I am the loser. Why is it that he was unfaithful, he was a liar, he was twofaced. And me because I loved him so much it's hard to let him go.. Why am I in the wrong. Why am I feeling this stupid pain.

It's not fair.

[tresqua]

Man I am the loser. Why is it that he was unfaithful, he was a liar, he was twofaced. And me because I loved him so much it's hard to let him go.. Why am I in the wrong. Why am I feeling this stupid pain.

It's not fair.

 

It's not a matter of right or wrong. To him, the way he treated you is perfectly acceptable and assuming he broke no laws, there's no one that can tell him otherwise.

 

Some women stay with guys that verbally and physically abuse them. Are they "wrong"? Is he "wrong"?

 

The answer is no. The answer is it's a matter of what a person is willing to tolerate and what a persons moral, ethical standards are, and how much they care or don't care for another human being in a relationship. Look on the bright side, you got out of a bad situation even though it wasn't your choice. And he'll tend to meet people that put up with his BS, and they're not going to be quality individuals.

 

As far as it not being "fair". That's irrelevant. Life isn't fair. Some people are killed in natural disasters, others get fatal diseases, others struggle with poverty their entire lives. Others win 100 million in a lottery or are born to rich parents and never have to work a day in their lives.

 

That's just how it goes. Most of us fall some where in the middle between bad luck such as losing a limb, and winning the Powerball lottery. But you can stack the deck in your favor by losing the "its not fair", victim mentality, and go out there and make things happen for yourself. Here's a tip to get you started: Stop drinking. Completely.

[philanx]

I dont see anything wrong with sending that type of email because I have received a nasty email or two and, believe me, it didnt inflate my ego because I felt like I reigned supreme with power. Since the guy was cheating on you, he probably is worried you'll tell other people and mess up "his game". Just my two cents.

[blackhawks1287]

Man I am the loser. Why is it that he was unfaithful, he was a liar, he was twofaced. And me because I loved him so much it's hard to let him go.. Why am I in the wrong. Why am I feeling this stupid pain.

It's not fair.

 

You didn't do anything wrong, and we are not saying you did. But your message will not have any affect on him whether you know about his actions or not. I know your hurting, my ex did the same thing and we knew of each other for 12+ years. I haven't spoken to her in over three months, and I haven't exchanged any form of communication since the third week of march. I found about her deceitfulness and lack of commitment via facebook about the third week post BU. When I encountered her memorial weekend I didn't say a word to her, and tried harder to avoid me.

 

Silence speaks volumes trust me, especially after this. End it with that and never talk to him again. Wait until you are with the new guy and he comes sniffing around, it will empower you and even then...don't respond.

[ChellyV]

Well everyone is talking about keeping quiet and silence speaks volumes and such... I see nothing wrong in letting someone know you don`t accept the way they treated you. This is not a power-struggle it`s more about stepping up for yourself. If it made you feel better and it`s now easier to move on for you...well, Im behind you whatsthedeal! Good luck and please, keep walking from here. Im shure the future holds something special for you, like everyone who had their hearts broken...

 

Correct. But after that please release all the anger and pain and move on. Easier said than done but will happen! Just will for it to!

Keep your head up.