To those who can provide me with an answer: I will be eternally greatful.

[Koie]

This is a Long Post, but please i request you to read it, this is my situation & it is very detailed as to leave no room for assumptions. Please help me out by giving me suggestions on how to make it work. Thanks to you all, in advance!! This will make someone truly happy n never get hurt again. I promise you that.

 

I liked this girl a Lot. No i loved her..i understand her better than everyone else...on par with her bff of 3 yrs, & she knows it too. i know her from 5 months... i am close to this person...she had a bad relationship, her first one. i helped her get through it all. but she now is scared of one. i understand it perfeclty & i told her myself that. she also trusts me blindly n cares for me. because she knows that i never lie to her & would never hurt her. she acknowledged it too.

 

She was just another person when i met her. I began to develop feelings for her as i began to understand her nature, her needs. she was a beautiful person & i fell in love with her out of respect for her ways. we both always play around saying "I hate you, i will kill you"...it was always playful. but we both did like each other, coz i have reasons to believe it & so do my friends who know about this.

 

we were very comfortable getting physical. she used to mimic my stances when i changed. we used to text each other late into the night till we fell asleep, Everyday!..she texted me the most, even than her bff, she used to say to me.

 

It was too early, 2months after her relationship, I knew. But bad luck, she got to know that i liked her & then we had a long chat thru text on it. it got nowhere. but the next day, after a couple of weird minutes..it got back to normal..she invited me to her place & insisted that I stay with her till the eve with her other friends (mutual)..& she invited me next to her on the couch & was even getting physical at times: hitting me playfully. we had a great day.

 

a couple of days later, we met her at her place again & then we talked about it while taking a walk. I also mentioned to her tat i didn have feelings for her when we met...

she told me what all went wrong with her prev relationship & that i knew it too...& i explained why i was better than that. We had the talk..It was promising. i felt great after that... & during it, i clearly, not wishful thinking, saw her blushing whenever i was explaining my respect & love for her. she did again when i told her: "i like you just for the way you are." she was blushing.. but i didn tell her everything i wanted to. & even still...any girl with a bad relationship in the immediate past, would have said a direct "NO" in my face. & she is the sort of person who doesnt like to drag things along & says thing as they are in their faces, even if they are close.

 

But when i asked her out, & told her that i understood the fact that she wasnt ready for a relationship...she didnt, tell me a no. rather she was blushing earlier and for that question: she said "right now?" i told her to take her time n give me an answer when she could. she said it was fine by her.

 

we just graduated out of coll & she just got into a job..she believes work is gonna take up her most time & its all there is right now. i know how she felt. the timing was all messed up.

we met that day & then i gifted her a Pendant of Amethyst..it was her birth & zodiac stone...she loved it & thanked me for it..said 'twas beautiful!

The night before she was to go away for a period of 3 weeks, on her training, to another place: she said she wanted to talk to me on the phone, in the night. i called her up & sensed that she was still having her doubts..her voice was fidgety & was unsure..This is the actual convo that ocured:

 

Me: hey, what's up. tell me. all packed right?

She: yeah man, all done. I wanted to talk to you abt stn.

M: tell me.

S: Sam, do you have anything you want to tell me? anything else you wish to talk to me about? i know we talked that day..but still.

M didnt tell her anything, for a reason* No. i have told you everything that i wanted to, that day. you want to verify stn?

S: No no nothing lik that. You sure?

M

S *brief pause* i will say stn. i told you that day that i was not ready for a relation AS OF NOW. right?

M: yes.

S: I dont want anyone to wait for Me..i dont like it man. *making some1 wait, she HATES It*

M: ..dont worry, i told you hw i felt that day n then i moved on.

S: you sure??

M: yeah..

S: are you feeling all right?

M feeling just fine *I MADE IT LOOK SO CASUAL & WAS SO CALM.. LIKE IT MEANT NOTHING TO ME & THAT I WASNT SERIOUS ABT ASKING HER OUT: BIG MISTAKE*

 

& then i started to joke abt some other topic...& disguised the convo..& my emotions.

 

I had a LOT of things to tell her & i knew that if i did i could allay her fears of relations...she was in doubt still...coz she just says her decisions without asking for the other person to elaborate more...she always does that only if she was still unsure.... & i knew that! but i also knew that telling her anything now may cloud her mind more & she would think about it again.

& I didn't want her to go to her first Job, the next day with even more deep thoughts. I wanted the best for her. even if it hurt me. I did it out of love for her & concern for her future..

 

She left for her training...i saw her off to the airport...i was Hurting like never ever before, but not even for once, showed it to her or any1...we both avoided each other's eyes...but then when she was going awy..she hugged every1 n also me n told me "Sam, please take care..you have promised me. remember.."..that was when we actually talked...she said she'd find a way to stay in touch with me.

 

Another mutual friend who knew abt this was riding along with me. she messaged her to "please, take care of him."

 

this friend told me that i should hv told her everything sday & that she would have accepted me if i had. but told me that the fact that i sabotaged it for her good & for her career in mind, told her how much i cared about her & i Loved her. so she asked me to talk with her one last time when she returns after a month & told me to cut all contact with her till then. No mail, txt, NO calls!...So did my elder sister, who told me a while back that this girl likes you too...but its too early for her...so you do have another chance...cut all contact from her for a month..stay busy.

she did text me frm there..i made excuses..she believed. Its hard for us to stay away w/o contacting each other.

 

they both said that she did like me too, but her decision was going to be tough because it was too early to trust again & that she just got into a job & believes that pro life will take all her time...she will realize otherwise very soon..

 

They told me that any other girl in that situation: 2 months outta a bad relation with a bad breakup..resolved not to enter any relation AT ALL:

-would certainly hav refused me, outright & not aksed "right now?" n accepted for more time ...

-that she certainly wouldnt have been giving it a thought about it for a few days.

- she wouldnt have called you and asked you to tell her more about your feelings.

- If you had had told her everything about how you felt about her. she would have accepted it.

 

they both told me that feelings die hard..so give it a space for a month & then talk to her Face-To-Face & tell her EVERYTHING & about why you treated it to casually that day, out of concern for her. That if she did think about it, then she did like you & such feelings are hard to come over. atleast not in a month. so this is your last shot & tell her how serious you are then, tell her you love. Its A HUGE chance still. Do it.

 

I care for her in ways, that nobody ever has...true care...even if the decsion hurts me...

Please advice me on how to make this work, please.

 

[oldenoughtoknow]

I'm afraid I can't give you a definitive answer. I don't think anyone can. It sounds like the two of you have grown to be very close, and for the reasons you mentioned, I do think she really cares for you, and not only in a "friendship" way.

 

It sounds like you've gotten some really good advice. The time here is terrible. Give her some time to get settled in her new job, and talk to her when she comes back in a month.

 

Some things you might think about: what is your job and living situation? How far away is her new job? Would you consider relocating? LDR's are difficult in the best of situations, and you guys are just getting started.

[1sttimer]

she is going to be back after a month...so a LDR is out of question..

[Koie]

as 1sttimer said..she is going to be back after a month...& her job is not going to be a prob either..its not far..so we can keep in touch without any much effort. i am focusing on my life in the 1 month of space we get.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Got it. I misunderstood that her job was a distance away and she was coming back in a month just to visit. So, it's just her job training that is a distance away.

 

Well then, from what you've described, I think you've got a great shot. I agree you should lay low for the next month. Respond if she contacts you, but don't pester her at all. Give her some time to think...and miss you.

 

Good luck.

[Koie]

But the fact is she txts me everyday...i m finding it harder n harder each day to avoid her. i think she already thinks that i am avoiding her...& its just been 3 days...tdy, she was txtng my mutual frnd but not me....so my frnd forced me to msg her asking how the new place was treating her...she replied back with enthusiasm...but she asked me if my mood was fine for now...i told her that i was busy frm the past few days & that my mood Was just fine...she replied "ok fine. keep urself busy. i then said i was tired & then bid good night. she did too..

 

what do i do? avoid her completely or just respond when she does? coz if i respond...she wont stop texting back & ..may get me in the frnd zone..but she texted everyone today but didn txt me once...does this mean stn or am i overeading??

[oldenoughtoknow]

I would think it's okay to respond, but not right away and not every time. And keep it light and casual - no relationship talk. Also, I actually think not contacting her at all would be detrimental. Without at least some contact, you don't have enough of a bond to maintain her interest - she doesn't have any romantic memories to hold on to - all she has is your continued friendship. I know this sounds like games, and I hate games. But I also think you're right - your budding relationship is in a precarious position. She's moved temporarily to a new city for training and probably doesn't know anybody. She's probably bored and lonely, so she's texting you. If you had more of an established relationship, you could contact her all you want. But since you only broached the relationship subject right before she left, you need to do what you can to maintain her interest while she's away.