Jump to content

Talked to him... Confused and shouldn't have.


Recommended Posts

My ex boyfriend and I broke up a few times the past couple of weeks. We broke up the first time because I "changed" I had become more aggressive and stressed. Which was due to moving to a new place, getting school in order, and waitressing. Since waitressing was the only job I could get and it always is stressful.


Two days later he says he made a mistake and he wants me back.


Three days after that he says he shouldn't have told me he wanted me back. That he isn't "attracted" to me anymore. That whatever spark we had left. I didn't believe him because he sure as heck still seemed attracted to me. The entire time we were "breaking up" we talked it out like civilized adults. Still talked about how we wanted to be in each others' lives and that I knew him better than anyone in his life, and how he knew me pretty well. That what he wanted was friendship.


I don't remember what happened, but I said okay. I would be his friend. Then we go out walking to find a party on campus and we were drinking before we went out. (We're still friends so we were hanging out and etc). I had to go into a bar to go use the restroom and his roommate with me, he couldn't go in because he wasn't 21 until 7 days later. So I told him to wait, but he said he was just going to the riverfront. Seeing as we were broken up, I wasn't going to stop him. His roommate and I left the bar and then we walked back to his house. I remember getting into his apartment and his roommate told me I could sleep on his bed and I was okay with that. (His roommate is like my brother pretty much. There is no romantic attraction between either us) I get a text from my ex and he said that he was pissed off that we ditched him and he fell asleep at the riverfront. I fell asleep, and I woke up to him standing over me kissing my forehead and picking me up. He took me upstairs and put me in his bed and then told me to drink some water and get some rest. (I was pretty drunk. He only had a few drinks). So I did. He texts me while I'm asleep saying I look cute when I sleep.


I guess a couple hours later he gets off the computer and asks if it's okay if he sleeps next to me. I told him it was okay. It was a little awkward at first then he just opened up and started talking to me about everything. How he was afraid of relationships right now. That he didn't know what he wanted in life. That school was confusing him and he wasn't sure what "path" to choose to get to his PhD. Then he said he was always worried if he was doing something wrong in our relationship and how we miss communicated a lot. I talked to him about it... We talked for a few hours and then we kissed. Only kissed. He goes, "It's still like the first time we kissed." I woke up that morning and had to go to work and I thought maybe he regretted what he said.. So I didn't say goodbye, just got up and left for work.


After work he asked why I didn't say goodbye and if I was going to come over to pick up my ID and debit card. I said sure. I came over and then he goes "Do you want to talk about it?" I said asked him what? I asked him if he rather ignore what happened last night and just continue on with our lives and he said, "No we need to talk about it". We talked about it, and we decided that we would start dating again but that we would give each other a little more space.


Sunday comes around and it's his 21st birthday. I'm his DD. (I'm 21 too). We go bar hoping with his rooommate. I end up getting mad at him at the very end of the night because he texts this girl that is his scuba partner in college... He had just met her, so I was a little sad. Mainly because he hid the text and then showed me the text and it said " yeah Im drunk me".... Of course it wasn't as grammatically correct as that, but you get the idea.


We get home Sunday night and he's well... He's very far gone, even after I told him he shouldn't keep drinking.. two drinks before that. So the entire night I'm taking care of him, watching over him making sure he doesn't swallow his tongue, and that he throws up sitting up and drinks water. I was up for hours. He kept apologizing and crying about how he hurt me and he didn't know what he did.


Monday morning we talked about it... He said it was purely sexual shallow attraction. That he didn't know anything about her except for she scuba dives, her first & last name and that she is hot.


He had to leave that day to go back home. So he said he wanted a "break" to think about our relationship.


That day.. I did something I should not have. I gave him an ultimatum. Told him he needed to ditch this girl that it was disrespectful to our relationship. He told me "You gave me a choice and I'm sorry but I choose my scuba partner. You can not control me. I took this course to find a scuba partner and I did. You have to trust me"


I cried.


I gave him his space. He would text me every day to see how I was. Or call me. He told his parents and they didn't believe him. He went camping and texted me how he missed me and missed cuddling and our eskimo kisses. He brought up the scuba partner again and said "She's just a , that I would never do. I was thinking with my and wrecked something great"


We had talked about possibly becoming friends with benefits because we both were sexually attracted to each other and we much rather do it with someone we trust and know rather than someone else.


He said he wanted to have a heart to heart on Sunday when he got back, maybe cook dinner and talk.


Last night comes and goes. I go over there. We talk for a little bit, the usual. How are you, how's work? You look good, blahblahblah. Then we start making out and of course that eventually leads to something else. I do not regret it, I can say that much. I don't think it messed my opinion up anymore about him. We talked afterwards... and it was a completely hot & cold conversation. He said he needed to focus more on his schooling because he's made 4C's and 1D in this past year. He's never made a D ever or even a C. That he needed to focus on his school and work towards his future goals...


I asked him if he wanted me to wait and he said yes, and then said no. That once he graduates next year that he'll be moving and he doesn't want me to have to put my schooling on hold just to follow him around. (Keep in mind, I moved 3000 miles to be with him already). He said he knew I wasn't the girl he was going to marry and didn't see a point in continuing the relationship. That a big portion of that was because of his parents. His parents hate me... even though his mother has only met me once and that was the Monday we last broke up. He mother said that I'm controlling and brainwashing him, that I'm a distraction and I am a horrible personality for him. That she has seen many personalities and that I am no "good".


His parents said that if he stops texting me and emailing me, that they will go back to paying for his rent and helping him with finances. Because they are paying for his college. When they dropped him off Sunday his mother said, "I'm so happy to have my old son back!" She went out and bought him new clothes/shoes and a bunch of food for his apartment. They stopped paying for his rent last year when he started dating me, and he defended me against his mother and she hated that. Before him and I started dating, his mother and I were actually emailing back and forth and she said how much she loved me and how great I am and how lucky her son is blahblahblah. Then she flipped. She started reading too far into things and twisting anything I said around. Then she started flipping out on my exboyfriend... Then it just went downhill. They even threatened to stop paying for his college if he continued to date me.


I'm sorry this is long, I'm just trying to explain it all. Rather than my last post that didnt' really explain much, but was rather written/typed out on emotions and confusion.


When we talked last night I wasn't sure how to put it. He said he's never been a jealous person but that the mere thought of another guy kissing me or being with me made him angry. That he is projecting himself towards me as if we are dating. That he still has emotions towards me.


I still have all the letters he wrote me... There is one I keep with me. I always have kept with me. I told him I couldn't understand how the person who wrote that letter can all of a sudden not want this. We didn't have a bad relationship. He had mentioned a couple of times that he didn't want to be "chained" down, but then tells me he probably won't have another relationship for another 2 years. (Just like he had a relationship 2 years before me). That he needs to focus on his schooling.


He said that us being friends with benefits will probably be bad because he is still emotionally attached to me, and it isn't helping either of us. He said that what he didn't understand was, that he felt compelled to talk to me every day, that he felt compelled to text me, to email me. To have some sort of communication even though we were broken up; in fear that I would just leave him.


It almost sounds like he just wants me until he finds another girl, but I'm not sure.


Everyone is telling me to leave this state. Move out of this state, and move on. Then they tell me to do what my heart wants... and my heart wants him.


I'm a "safe" person, I never gamble on anything unless I know I will win. I'm gambling on love and I'm not sure if I'm losing or winning. I may only be 21 but everyone tells me they think I'm in my mid to late 20's because of my maturity level. I have never felt this way about someone before and to me it is worth fighting...


I told him, "Why can't you just say "take it for what it is?" ?" and he said "because it wouldn't make a difference"


I feel like I'm losing my best friend and I hate it. He still wants to be my best friend, and I his. I just don't think I can do it, emotionally.


He said that if we did the friends with benefits that he would just stop after the summer.


Then I told him I would run, and he told me not to.. That if I did he wouldn't talk to me, and would try his hardest to move on and still wouldn't talk to me until I talked to him again and even then.. he probably wouldn't.


He asked me to spend the night... and I just laid there and he wanted to cuddle and act like nothing was wrong. I couldn't. I felt relaxed at first and then it hit me... I'm not his anymore...


No idea.

Link to comment
He's very far gone, even after I told him he shouldn't keep drinking.. two drinks before that. So the entire night I'm taking care of him, watching over him making sure he doesn't swallow his tongue, and that he throws up sitting up and drinks water.


I think that's a myth that you can swallow your own tongue due to being so drunk, and I think that the two of you drink too much and even if it WAS true that you can swallow your tongue by being too drunk how would you know if he did? I mean were you sitting there watching him breathe and swallow the whole time?

Link to comment

Well the swallowing a tongue comes from someone going into a seizure, it is a myth but it still worried the heck out of me. I was just worried about him. Yes I did watch him pretty much every moment until he was asleep for at least 2 hours. So almost 7 hours of watching him and making sure he made it through the night.


You think we drink too much? It was his 21st birthday and my belated 21st birthday. I think that's a normal 21st experience. Especially on a college campus. It's not like we drink every night, or even every weekend for that matter, haha.

Link to comment

Yeah >__> Or that he threw up to begin. He kept gagging and he kept wanting to lay on his back and I kept having to prop him on his side or drag him to the bathroom and have him hug the toilet. Either way it was a scary night for me and (haha) he thanked me for 'saving' his life the day after and pretty much every day that night gets brought up from friends

Link to comment
You think we drink too much?


Well I thought so, but then I read this next part here:


Or that he threw up to begin. He kept gagging and he kept wanting to lay on his back and I kept having to prop him on his side or drag him to the bathroom and have him hug the toilet.


And then I thought "Wow if it's this much fun, then who am I to judge, maybe I should try it myself?"

Link to comment

I was the DD, so I didn't touch alcohol at all that night.


I told him to stop two or even three drinks before, but people kept buying them. I even told the bartender to stop serving him alcohol. He said he never wanted to do that again (That much drinking). It's not like this is a normal thing for him, it was his birthday, hyped with birthday shots and all that jazz. Some people get lost in it.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...