tmtex Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 So I met this girl on a online dating site. We are in our 40's and both have kids and all that. I've been seeing her for maybe a little over a month. Turns out she is loaded, like really loaded $$$, doesnt have to work. You name it, she has it. Me average guy, busting my ass to support 2 kids So you may think , Hell yea keep this one but IDK. Anyone been in this situation. I know many women are gold diggers, but i dont want to be one. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Besides the fact that she has money which is irrelevent, how are the dates? Do you see chemistry? Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 So I met this girl on a online dating site. We are in our 40's and both have kids and all that. I've been seeing her for maybe a little over a month. Turns out she is loaded, like really loaded $$$, doesnt have to work. You name it, she has it. Me average guy, busting my ass to support 2 kids So you may think , Hell yea keep this one but IDK. Anyone been in this situation. I know many women are gold diggers, but i dont want to be one. What do you mean by you don't want to be one? Link to comment
timlondon Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I understand the feeling - I've recently been dating a woman who's a successful lawyer and clearly earns a fair whack more than me. I suppose the issue is that it's a bit of a subversion of what a "traditional" relationship would look like (though I'm not after one of those relationships at all) and the feeling that she's probably rather be dating someone richer. In addition I also had a previous girlfriend of 8 years who earned loads more than me (another lawyer) who left me for a much more boring but much more wealthy man. So after all that - You guys are old enough and have been through enough to know what you really want from life and a relationship. She seems to be into you, so I would say just enjoy it and see where it goes. (PS I'm academically more educated than both my partners mentioned above but it seems that when it comes to lawyers... $$$ talks) Link to comment
tmtex Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Yea we are good. Its seems to be all there as far as chemistry. She even started to hinted the L world and all that. But it just seems awkward as far as me. Link to comment
Sagreras Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Twice. One was a parvenu, and the other came from old money. The one with the moneyed history took me by surprise, because she was a laid-back, low-key, granola cruncher. The parvenu made every effort to prominently display her wealth. Nice enough people, on the whole, but notably lacking in some respects. In particular, they were both very developmentally stunted when it came to exercising personal responsibility; it was playtime all day, every day. They were both very immature. It gets old and stale quite quickly. I’ll take a good, ol’ fashioned, middle class gal any day of the week, as they are usually more sensible, and have a good head on their shoulders by being knocked around by life a time or two. Link to comment
Firiel Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Why doesn't she have to work? Did she take early retirement because of the hard work she put in early in her career? Or is it family money or some other type of money she's never had to work for? Link to comment
tmtex Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Family money and good investments. Link to comment
Firiel Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Ah... I dunno. I'd feel a little uncomfortable dating someone who had never really had to put in a good, hard days work. I mean, the fact that she was able to invest wisely shows that she's intelligent and capable of handling money which is excellent. However, it's possible that her own position in life could cause problems with her understanding YOUR life situation. I mean, she can drop everything and fly to Bermuda, and you can't. If she's been privileged her whole life, she may not be used to that discrepancy, and it could cause problems. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Think of it this way. You were both on a dating site for a reason...to find someone. Having money doesn't make you better, smarter, braver, or have integrity, meaning, treat her like a normal human being. I'm in the same spot as my guy. I come from money and make a butt-load more than he does. And you know what, it doesn't matter. What does matter is how a person holds their own, and yes, you should still pay for dinner (what you can do, doesn't have to be fancy). Treat her like a lady. That's it. No one poops gold. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 You're not a gold digger unless the only reason you are dating her is her money... I think you should date someone who makes you happy, whether she has money or not. I would just keep dating her and see where it goes. Her money is not an issue unless she tries to control you with the money or holds it against you that you don't have as much. But if she has money, she may consider it a non-problem, i.e., she is dating you for love and because she wants a partner. Link to comment
flaminghair81 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I have grown up with more money then my boyfriend, so I have nicer things thanks to my parents and I also have a job where I make more than him. It was hard for him to handle it at first, but we had an open discussion about it. I think he felt like he was not good enough for me because he grew up pretty much poor and he makes less than I do. For me, money is not everything. I don't care if my guy makes more or less than me, as long as he is good to me, that is what matters. For most women who have money already, they want what money cannot buy and that's love of a good man. Link to comment
RedDress Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I agree. It's very strange that money can actually be a liability for a woman in the dating world. She's a woman. She wants a man. She thinks you are cute. She wants to date you and possibly loves you. Don't make money an issue if it's not an issue. Now if it BECOMES an issue via attitude or whatever... ok... let's talk. But you are talking about writing her off because... why? Because she can afford nice things? Crazy. Link to comment
gingerlemon Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I agree. It's very strange that money can actually be a liability for a woman in the dating world.. Don't have money = gold digger. Have money = liability. No win situation No seriously: why exactly are you uncomfortable about it? Personally, I've been the bread winner in my relationship since it started, and I make significantly more than my H (but not loads and there is absolutely no way I could ever consider not working). I don't see this as a problem. I would personally be a bit skeptical towards someone who doesn't have to work. I'm not sure why, maybe it's just prejudice. I guess I just feel it's quite a different world from mine so it would make me question compatibility in terms of basic outlook on life. But if things between you have been sweet, I think you should just explore it further. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 She loves you after a month? If her money is old money, then be pretty much assured there would be a hefty pre-nup, so her money is not going to mean much to you for the long haul. I would just find it hard to be attracted to someone who doesn't work. How does she spend her time? Spending her money? lol Link to comment
tmtex Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 She loves you after a month? If her money is old money, then be pretty much assured there would be a hefty pre-nup, so her money is not going to mean much to you for the long haul. I would just find it hard to be attracted to someone who doesn't work. How does she spend her time? Spending her money? lol Running her teens around. She does own rent houses also and hasnt disclosed everything. Well ok maybe its been 2 months Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I know many women are gold diggers, but i dont want to be one. Then don't date her for her money. She's not dating you for yours... Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Why is this such a major issue? Have you guys been discussing money and what's in who's bank account? It's kind of early for that type of talk right now, anyway. I think the overall issue is that the OP is feeling a little insecure about things because he's not as "wealthy" as she is. And that perhaps in her position she may not feel as though the OP is on her "level." Unforunately, money does change people. But that doesn't have to be this woman. Take a chance. But just don't get into the habit of believing that a person with more money is literally the greener grass on the other side of the fence. Link to comment
timlondon Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Tand yes, you should still pay for dinner (what you can do, doesn't have to be fancy). I still don't understand this. Link to comment
Alezia Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 It means you shouldn't treat her differently just because she has more money than you do. You should still offer to pay some dates. Link to comment
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