Starting NC (Healing, Moving On, Looking Forward to the Future)

[ILostHim]

I feel quite emotional about my situation right now. Thoughts of him still flash back and forth in my mind, but the pain isn't as hurtful as before. They're simply just thoughts. I try to push them away since it's all in my mind, but maybe right now, I don't want him to leave just yet. I'll let this threshold of feelings wash over me as it should.

 

I did a really stupid thing early this morning though and I'm wishing I could take it back because it just felt so wrong. I met up with an old fling due to my self-respect being down in the gutter and I've just really lost respect for myself even moreso at this stage.

 

But I've come to the realization that I need to be stronger than this, I need to lead a life that is healthy for me, for my mind, body, and soul.

 

So this will be my journal for whenever I get the urge to contact him, for venting, for being emotionally disturbed... I will choose to let it out here.

 

And when I'm finally done and feel like I've finally moved on. I will close this chapter of my life and start a new beginning for me.

 

Here's to healing and being a better me.

[hausser]

Hear, hear. If you don't already consider posting in the "contact here instead of your ex" thread. I think it's in the "getting back together" sub forum. Very helpful.

 

Nothing wrong with grieving. Keep busy, get some understanding people close to you.

[ILostHim]

Hear, hear. If you don't already consider posting in the "contact here instead of your ex" thread. I think it's in the "getting back together" sub forum. Very helpful.

 

Nothing wrong with grieving. Keep busy, get some understanding people close to you.

 

I will definitely do that. Thanks for helping me out here since I'm a newbie and all, it's been a while since I've been on a forum and frankly, it feels really good letting it out here.

 

I'm getting busy and getting out there. I've got amazing friends who have been there for me through thick and thin, especially my best-friend. I literally cried on her for hours.

[hausser]

Yeah no worries I am only on day 19 of NC myself (who's counting lol) but it's amazing the turnaround in emotions you get. When I first started NC I would grab my phone the second I woke to see if there were any messages, any call I would hope and pray it would be her, same with FB. I would sit up till daybreak analysing what went wrong and blaming myself for doing this or that etc. Then, one day around ten days ago the reality hit me that I wasn't going to act like a victim anymore, she was the one who bailed not me. Day by day then that feeling got a little stronger. I did unblock her on FB as a last peace offering to no avail, which has made my resolve stronger. That has been my only wobble in NC.

 

My ex walked out on me and left me with a dog, no car job or real close friends. She kept in LC for a while but it was obvious she had checked out of the relationship some time before. I used to wait for her to knock the door every day, and it never came. If it does ever come I will have to think very very carefully whether to allow her a chance to do it again. You will get to this point I promise you.

 

Who knows your ex may come back, it's a hell of a lot easier to assume they are not, at least for the time being.

[ILostHim]

I'm sure there will come a day when you'll stop counting and I hope to see that day come for you. I did all the analyzing the past two weeks and now I'm just trying to let go and read as many feel-good articles about positivity. I'm sure your resolve does get stronger every day, but are there any setbacks at all, like highs and lows in the nineteen days you have done NC?

 

How long were you two together? I may not know your whole story, but I'm sure they break up with us for purely selfish reasons even though they knew it was going to hurt us. I know for sure he did what was the best decision for him and he even felt so bad about it.

 

As for me, he gave me a lot of signs and a lot of chances. I was just too immature and really, the one at fault is me. I've gone through the analyze everything stage and I can truly say that the reason for my break up was based on me not changing for the better.

[hausser]

3.5 years. Lot of breakups and get togethers but both longest relationship. She is 21, me 28. Age played a big part in ending.

 

Yeah many highs and lows. Week one was ok, as angry. Week 2 was TOUGH as that was longest she'd never been in touch which was hard to accept. Halfway through week 3 now and I am approaching apathy towards her, though must admit am still curious as to what she "feels" like about it.

 

To give you a reason why you will start improving fast, if I can anyone can. Why?

 

My ex ALWAYS came to me first in the past, not this time which was an extremley tough pill to swallow. Also, I am unemployed and spend 90% of my time in my two bed apartment with my dog. I have no car and my "best friend" is a selfish anti social liar. All my other friends have moved away (bad area) and my rents are in that early retirement phase when they want no much to do with their kids if it involves problems lol.

 

My ex left me with a dog who I love but is extremley demanding, a dog I begged her not to get.

 

Now, If I can feel better with that amount of great opportunties going for me (lol) then I'm sure you can!

 

What I do have going for me however are this site (which has been a huge help) and a lot of self respect/pride which no one can take away from me.

 

When you say "the one at fault is me", it's cool that you acnkowledge you have some areas to work on (don't we all) but I will bet good money that it's way more balanced than that.

 

We had a mutal breakup. I then began missing her and did the whole needy thing, which drove her away. With the great benefit of hinsight she probably only wanted a break from living with me but there it goes, no point crying over spilt milk now. I know for a fact now she is doing the whole 21 single girl thing and only a matter or time before she dates someone else.

[bunny45]

Good for you to declare a very positive statement: (Healing, Moving On, Looking Forward to the Future)

 

I'm one month of break up and 2 weeks of no contact.

 

I haven't slept or ate in days.

 

I feel foolish for allowing myself to wallow in this grief.

 

I keep hearing it gets better over time.

 

I still have that 'hopeful' feeling that he may contact me, not reconcile, just email me.

 

I'm letting myself down each time I check email.

 

He won't reach out, it's over and done with.

 

Now, I have to accept it.

[hausser]

Week 2 was hardest for me bunny. We all get the checking email thing, it's soul destroying though you start forgetting about it soon.

[ILostHim]

 

Now, If I can feel better with that amount of great opportunties going for me (lol) then I'm sure you can!

 

What I do have going for me however are this site (which has been a huge help) and a lot of self respect/pride which no one can take away from me.

 

When you say "the one at fault is me", it's cool that you acnkowledge you have some areas to work on (don't we all) but I will bet good money that it's way more balanced than that.

 

 

For me, we were each other's first love/first real relationship but he was so mature, so understanding of everything, while I on the other hand balanced that with immaturity.

 

I'm dealing with not being in contact with him because even if I have reached out, there are rarely any replies because at this point, he isn't ready.

 

Is it hard looking for a job where you are? But then again, you have your dog to take care of because having a pet certainly is demanding.

 

I'm relearning to have confidence and self-worth because I even had the courage to make this thread.

 

I did the whole she-bang of classic mistakes as well. I really ruined my chances at reconciliation.

 

And if she finds someone new, you will too. We all will. It'll just take time.

[ILostHim]

Good for you to declare a very positive statement: (Healing, Moving On, Looking Forward to the Future)

 

I'm one month of break up and 2 weeks of no contact.

 

I haven't slept or ate in days.

 

I feel foolish for allowing myself to wallow in this grief.

 

I keep hearing it gets better over time.

 

I still have that 'hopeful' feeling that he may contact me, not reconcile, just email me.

 

I'm letting myself down each time I check email.

 

He won't reach out, it's over and done with.

 

Now, I have to accept it.

 

At the moment, I am doing some self-discovery.

 

First and foremost: Positivity is key.

Secondly: Things happen for a reason.

Thirdly: Some things fall apart so better things can fall together.

 

Do I have false hopes of getting back with the man I took for granted? Of course I do, but what I must do now is face my mistakes and make certain changes within myself before I even think of talking to him because really, the hurt and the pain we'll inflict on each other is not worth it at this moment because I have not changed yet in the way I want to. It will take me months, but it's the best for the both of us: to heal and move on.

 

I know it's hard. The first week the break up dawned on me, I rarely ate and sleeping was a nightmare since I dreamed of him and only him. But it will get better in time, it really will, and you have every right to wallow in your grief, but don't let it take over you. You must do so instead of hiding it and holding it in. Let yourself go through those emotions and you'll see why it gets better in time.

 

I know for sure he will e-mail me because he has told me so, but only when he is ready. I hope, by that time, I am ready as well. If not, I will not read his e-mail. I will read it when I am ready and reply when I am able to withstand any of the circumstances it will bring.

 

It's not a bad thing to be hopeful, but you must not let it take over you either.

 

You had a life before him, remember that? You were happy without him. You can do so again, but only if you start believing in yourself that true healing will begin. I'm not saying you should stop checking your e-mail, but don't hold on to expectations that he will e-mail you. One day, he will, but not right now. And if he never does, then at least you would have healed and moved on from that.

[ILostHim]

Week 2 was hardest for me bunny. We all get the checking email thing, it's soul destroying though you start forgetting about it soon.

 

It's only the start of Week 1 for me and I'm feeling good. Although I'm sure, there will be ups and downs, I'm sure I can count on you to hold me up.

[ILostHim]

Threads like "Getting back together really does happen..." make me sad. Why? Because I've no hope for reconciliation at all.