Delusions (for once being issued from the ex instead of me...!)

[ashley2323]

I'm not so much confused by these delusions as I am amused by them to the point that I have to share.

 

So I went out with my ex on Thursday night -- we're trying to be friends, he knows I want more, I know I should probably stop talking to him period, but I'm trying the friends thing for now. It's going okay, but on some level I know I'm holding out hope and am likely setting myself up for a world of hurt.

 

So I get multiple delusional comments from him on Thursday night, each more delusional in degree. We went out to play trivia at a restaurant with a group of his coworkers, and then ended up hanging out well into the early morning hours. Throughout this time, here are three things he brought up:

 

1) His friend's wedding in early September -- "I really want you to go to this with me. I think we'd have a great time, and there's no one I'd rather go with." Okay...?

 

2) He has his 10-year high school reunion coming up in mid-August. He tells me, "No matter what happens, you know I want you to be my date to it don't you??" (What?? "No matter what happens??" Way to keep me hanging on...)

 

3) Then, it starts getting really good ... first, I mention that I need a haircut (I cut a significant amount of it off about a month after we broke up -- typical girl move). He says "But it's just starting to grow out and I like it longer!" Ummm, WHAT?! As if you get a say, whether we're together or not!!

 

Next... we go back to talking about the high school reunion and he says that, "everyone from high school is going to be like 'how did (name) end up getting a girl like that!?'" Umm...? A) We're not together. B) Why do you just want the image of being with me and not the chance of *actually* being with me again? Exactly how is he planning to introduce me to people at this reunion?!

 

FINALLY, and this really takes the cake! He suggests that I wear a FAKE ENGAGEMENT RING to the reunion. WHAT IS THAT?! I can't even comprehend. I just looked at him like he was crazy, told him he was out of his mind, and that there was no way in hell I would do something like that.

 

I will accept all insights into these comments, ridiculous as they are!! Are they mixed messages?? Do you say these things to someone who's just a friend? In any case, like I said, I'm more in the vein of simply wanting to share them with the group because they're so outrageous! ](*,)

[poloace]

oh please. he wants to keep you strung along. here's what you do. you tell him that you can't hang out with him as friends because you're worth more than that. you start doing whatever it is that you want to do. my guess is that you are extremely attractive and that your bf/ex-bf is markedly insecure. by having a beautiful girl around him, you validate him. however, he's not sure he wants to be with you. i've done this before as well. pretty girl on my side - no desire to be with her.... until she decides she doesn't want to be with me. then, all of a sudden, you become the unattainable woman you once were. guys (and girls) need a reality check sometimes. i do believe in love - i do believe in giving yourself completely to someone... but, only when things are good. when things are off... you have to stand strong. if your employer called you and said, 'hey, i want you to come to this event we're having... and, look cute - i know it'll take up all of your saturday - and, i'm not paying you... ' - would you go? yeah. right now... you might. you just might.

 

that needs to change. don't hang out with him as friends. in fact, tell him you don't know if you'll be able to attend because you 'might be out of town.. ' - or, that you may be 'meeting up with some friends.' - see how quickly his view of 'grass is greener' will change.

 

as for the ring... why the F would you even consider it? respect yourself.

[ashley2323]

as for the ring... why the F would you even consider it? respect yourself.

 

Haha, oh I am certainly not considering it!!

 

I think it is just an issue of him continuing to string me along... I feel like he really took it to a new level with those comments. Usually, I feel like I read too much into what he says. This time what he's said is just nuts.

 

Loved the employer metaphor -- so true! And I am trying my best to scale back the "friends" hangouts. For the first time (ever, I think), I turned down an invitation to go to a party with him this coming weekend. He's already trying to guilt me about it. Crazy.

[poloace]

you cannot be a slave to someone's needs and desires. they have to respect yours as well. if you're in a position where he knows that if he sprung the 'i think we should get back together' line and you'd respond, he'll continue to use you. when he asks if you want to go to the party, just tell him you have other plans. and DO NOT discuss in any more detail. he'll see that as a sign of, 'omg, i may lose you.' then... wait for him to piss his pants freaking out that someone else actually values you and isn't using you to look cool or prosper from your physical presence (let alone emotional, etc.) boys are simple. if we're still talking to you... we want you in our lives. if you're still talking to us in the capacity which we allow it... then, we'll continue to use you (generalization). shake him up a bit. make yourself less available to someone who is hurting you and more available to yourself.... and, your life will change drastically.

[Brownstone322]

So I went out with my ex on Thursday night -- we're trying to be friends, he knows I want more, I know I should probably stop talking to him period, but I'm trying the friends thing for now. It's going okay, but on some level I know I'm holding out hope and am likely setting myself up for a world of hurt.

This is a very bad idea, almost certain to fail and make your life worse. You already know it, I know it, we all know it.

 

1) His friend's wedding in early September -- "I really want you to go to this with me. I think we'd have a great time, and there's no one I'd rather go with." Okay...?

One word answer: "No."

 

2) He has his 10-year high school reunion coming up in mid-August. He tells me, "No matter what happens, you know I want you to be my date to it don't you??"

"No."

 

3) Then, it starts getting really good ... first, I mention that I need a haircut (I cut a significant amount of it off about a month after we broke up -- typical girl move). He says "But it's just starting to grow out and I like it longer!"

"So?"

 

Next... we go back to talking about the high school reunion and he says that, "everyone from high school is going to be like 'how did (name) end up getting a girl like that!?'"

He didn't end up with a girl like that.

 

FINALLY, and this really takes the cake! He suggests that I wear a FAKE ENGAGEMENT RING to the reunion. WHAT IS THAT?! I can't even comprehend.

????????

 

I will accept all insights into these comments, ridiculous as they are!! Are they mixed messages?? Do you say these things to someone who's just a friend? In any case, like I said, I'm more in the vein of simply wanting to share them with the group because they're so outrageous! ](*,)

My insight: He sounds like an immature, manipulative wadshot

[CMS]

I have same 2 word answer to all his suggestions. "Hell NO".

[Tired Tiger]

This would be like your employer telling you that they'd still like you to come in 2 days a week and clean the toilets, but they aren't going to give you a paycheck anymore.

[HeartGoesOn]

I would tell him to look elsewhere for a "trophy."

 

You're basically stooping to his level, by trying to be friends with a person of this mentality.

[nattpanter]

Im happy for the OP as she has such a clean-cut case! Keep walking...