I feel so sad but we broke up over a month ago

[Jiminey]

We only went out for two months, and yet we were in love from the start, we talked a lot about the future, living together, kids, hell we had even chosen baby names, we talked for hours, we saw each other every other day, we got on so well it felt right from the start. He then went away for a few days, in strange circumstances, a holiday he had forgotten he had booked, and when he came back we argued, he distanced himself, he would never want to meet up, but maintained he still loved me, that I was the one, that we were an item and that I could trust him 100%. We arranged to meet, but then he cancelled a few times, he said he was ill, and I believed him, but then he was still ill almost three weeks later. I felt that something was up, he said there was nothing up, he was ill, but he would never talk about the future anymore, even the immediate future, seeing me or us doing something. He went from the love of my life to someone whose actions no longer mirrored his words. I felt like I had no other option but to finish it as I just couldn't imagine seeing him again. This was over a month ago. I am not getting over him, every time I text him, he texts straight back, same with e-mails, he says he hasn't moved on, that he doesn't know how he feels but he is sad and misses me, that's it's hard for him. After two weeks he called me to say he missed me and he keeps saying how he's sorry how things worked out. We spoke and I asked to see him, he said yeah, but then never contacted me to arrange when. I told him that thought it was better if we didn't speak from now on as I wasn't able to move on, he agreed and said "love you xx". I am so confused, after such intensity how can he just throw such a good thing away? He says he doesn't blame me at all for anything but we just kept on going over the same things (i.e. why didn't we see each other)? He said that there was no rush and that things should happen naturally, but my point was it was two months that we still hadn't seen each other so I couldn't just wait for eternity. Is he over me? Is there a chance we could get back together - how do I get him out of my mind and heart???? I am just heart-broken and believe we should be together.

[Danny77]

There is a possibility that this was a rebound relationship?

 

Usually they are full of intensity and move very very fast.

The thing is that they lack real thought and the whole thing is based on intense feelings which we all know can change very suddenly.

 

I am truly sorry for the way you're feeling right now but just want to let you know that if you step away and give it time then you will be able to see it for what it is. This may take anothe month or two but when that happens you will be more suitable to make a choice on what you really want to do.

 

Please don't pursue as this will drive them away.

Relax, step away, and see how you feel in a month or two.

 

This will happen a bunch of times in your life so don't feel like this was the one.

It was however an example of intense love.

This is a great feeling to have felt but it just may have been in the wrong circumstance.

 

Stay strong and keep some distance.

 

[whysoalone]

Welcome to ENA, and I'm incredibly sorry for your pain

 

It's a tough situation, but it might be the typical "Back-up situation". He might be playing the field, but keeping you close just in-case. I'd approach it with caution and just go for NC. You need to move on from this situation, it's not something you want to be tied up in. If he wanted to be with you right now, he would be. distance yourself from this, give yourself time to heal. Apply your mind to something else, as hard as it sounds, you just need to keep yourself busy and your mind on other things at this difficult time.

 

Some things just weren't meant to be, and we're all here for you! It's going to be a difficult time, but with the support of people that care and love you, not to mention, everyone on this site is or has been going through the same thing as you are.

[Jiminey]

Thank you! I really appreciate your words of support! I did wonder if there was someone else, but he states categorically that there never has been. He was in a 9 year relationship up till 2 years ago, so I know that he's not some commitment-phobe. Do guys sometimes need more time to realise what they've lost would you say? Do you know any guys who loved a girl, went cold and then realised what they'd thrown away? We got on so well, never argued, loved all the same things - it felt like it was just meant to be so it's difficult to know what changed for him apart from me asking to see him "too many times". I don't want to cling to false hope but that's the only thing I have right now.

[Danny77]

Don't think of scenarios where they realize their mistakes and come back to you.

This is false hope and won't help you at all.

Try to be honest and ground your thoughts.

You didn't come on too strong, but you may never know why they quit on you.

[Jiminey]

I know, I know, it's just so hard, I go through everything that happened, and I wonder if I hadn't asked to see him quite so much (not in a pushy way, just asking when we could meet up), and cooled it a bit, would he have been ok. He seemed to think that I was just impatient wanting to see him, and that we went over the same old ground (i.e. that we never made plans - he said he had explained to me so many times that he was upset, ill, busy with work, family etc etc), but he changed from calling me all the time, coming over to mine all the time (he lives with his parents to I can't go to his easily), talking about our future, to just texting me all these lovely things but not talking about meeting or any future plans. I was so hurt, he sympathised and we would talk about it for ages, me explaining my feelings, him explaining his. He said he ran out of patience, I explained that for me it was the same. He says he doesn't blame me for anything - when I asked him if he loved me still or had he moved on, he said he loves me and hasn't moved on. What is going on in his mind? We've never blamed each other, or said anything nasty, called each other names or anything destructive, it's just been a series of conversations. He maintained he loved me all the time, I finished with him and maybe that's why he's not coming back to me (not that I have asked directly), that he is hurt and is being stubborn? I don't know, if anyone can help with any of their own experiences that seem similar, otherwise, I am just going crazy going round in mental circles. I know he misses me, he says so, no-one cheated, there was no big argument or bad treatment, it's just sad, and I'm just very confused as to how he can let me go when he feels all these things. This really hurts.