Heidi90 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Hey, I have a question! I know I shouldn't be concerned with what my ex does with his life etc. but I am genuinely surprised at this and I wonder if there is something behind it that people do to cope with things. If anybody could shed some light on it from personal experiences or whatever that would be great Basically, my ex and I broke up about 3 and a half months ago. Too much arguing and stress stemming from our individual lives. We met up about two months in to talk because he didn't give me the chance to say my piece when we broke up. In this meet up he said he wanted to stay friends and still go out etc (we'd been in 'NC' for that two months and I think he was starting to miss having me around), but he didn't want a relationship. I don't know exactly what he was thinking or feeling but I'd say that even if he did want me back, he wouldn't say so and would rather have tried to go down the friends route and let it happen naturally. I wasn't willing to take that risk, though, and he cried when I said I didn't want to stay in touch. Anyway, a couple of weeks later I heard from friends that he was starting to feel down, so I figured maybe the break up had finally hit him because all he did was party at first. So..to the point... I just found out that he started seeing a new girl a few weeks ago. He's known her for a while and I know they kept in touch while we were together but I thought she was kind of like a big sister to him (she's his sister's best friend). The thing is, this girl is totally not his type. He's in his early 20s and she's in her late 20s with a kid which was probably the biggest shock to me. Her personality and looks are nothing like what he'd usually go for either. I thought that when the time came that he moved on I'd be devastated, because I still care about him a lot and miss what we had, but I really don't feel that bad about it which is weird! I don't know if too much time has passed between our relationship and this one for this to be a 'rebound', but I guess if the break up didn't hit him until later then it may still be the case. Any thoughts on this? But the main thing I wonder is why he has gone for the total opposite of me. We really couldn't be more different if we tried, it's so strange! Any ideas? Sorry this has become so long! Link to comment
Eocsor Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Really, who knows. No one knows his mind but him. And really, at this stage it shouldn't matter. It's over. Work on your life and getting better. Link to comment
Heidi90 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 I am fine. Still, thanks for your response Link to comment
Eocsor Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 If you say so. But no one comes here and asks those kind of questions when they are fine. Link to comment
Heidi90 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 I did say in my OP that I thought I'd feel worse than I do. He was my first love and to find out that he's moved on would obviously hurt. But, I don't feel anywhere near as bad as I would have a couple of months ago. I was expecting a reply like the one you gave so it's fine, but give me a break, I'm just curious. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 If you say so. But seriously, no one can know. Maybe she's a better match for him, maybe she's kind and sweet, maybe she has a great personality, maybe she treats him great. It could be anything. Link to comment
Heidi90 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Yeah I guess! I just find it a bit strange but he must be happy which I'm pleased about! Thanks again for your reply Link to comment
Jiminey Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I think that it could be re-bound for him. He's lonely, and down, and if she is a friend who maybe liked him more then he's probably more than willing to have the comfort of someone's arms if it's not you. Why don't you meet him for coffee and see how his relationship is going? It sounds to me like you're over the worst though and do you really want to re-open a wound if it's nearly healed? I don't think people always have types, it comes down to other things, circumstances, what that person is like, what they can offer (in his case maybe solace)? It's good that you're feeling better than you thought about things though, hopefully the right thing will happen, but maybe you can stay friends at least. Link to comment
Heidi90 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 I think that it could be re-bound for him. He's lonely, and down, and if she is a friend who maybe liked him more then he's probably more than willing to have the comfort of someone's arms if it's not you. Why don't you meet him for coffee and see how his relationship is going? It sounds to me like you're over the worst though and do you really want to re-open a wound if it's nearly healed? I don't think people always have types, it comes down to other things, circumstances, what that person is like, what they can offer (in his case maybe solace)? It's good that you're feeling better than you thought about things though, hopefully the right thing will happen, but maybe you can stay friends at least. Hey, thanks so much for this response. Appreciate you taking the time to reply! I don't think I'm ready to meet up with him yet. I know he'd be willing if I wanted to but I just have a feeling it would be a bad idea for me. And I think hearing from the horse's mouth so to speak that he's with this girl or whatever would probably make me emotional. To be honest, I had been thinking of sending him a text to see how he's doing for a couple of weeks now but I think just to be sure I'm ready I'll wait a while longer. I agree that people don't have types per se, but seriously I can't see him settling down with this girl, and why get into a relationship if it's not with the intention of being in it for the long haul? I'd think that perhaps he's just looking for a bit of fun, seeing as he's young and she's naturally going to be more experienced..but who knows! He never seemed to be that kind of guy to me mind, but I guess people can change! Link to comment
Eocsor Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 He's with someone else right now so how about leaving him alone. You're just looking for a way back in and anything you do now would be angled towards that. If he misses you he'll contact you. You've made it clear friends isn't an option(which is a smart thing in my opinion) so just leave him be with the new girl. Link to comment
Heidi90 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 He's with someone else right now so how about leaving him alone. You're just looking for a way back in and anything you do now would be angled towards that. If he misses you he'll contact you. You've made it clear friends isn't an option(which is a smart thing in my opinion) so just leave him be with the new girl. Excuse me, I think it's pretty rude of you to assume that I'm 'just looking for a way back in'. I'm moving to the states next month from Europe so there is not a cat in hells chance that a relationship would work even if we wanted it to. I spent what I feel was a significant part of my life with him and I don't see what the harm is in being civil towards eachother. He said he wouldn't contact me out of respect because I wasn't ready for that. Now, I feel that I almost am. Nobody knows me better than I do so please don't make assumptions on how I think or feel based on what may be your own personal experiences or otherwise. The original post had nothing to do with me contacting my ex and, in fact, I didn't say I was going to. I said I'd thought about it. I'd appreciate just staying on topic. Thanks. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I stand by my advice. Leave the poor guy alone. You'll only confuse the situation. Link to comment
RecentlyAlone Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I stand by my advice. Leave the poor guy alone. You'll only confuse the situation. I think you are being a little harsh with all your responses. She was simply asking for people to possibly shed some light on her situation and provide some insight on what her ex may be thinking or going through. Link to comment
endy Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I think he's just kinda pointing out that it would be a bad idea to reinitiate contact for him and you right now since he is in a relationship. Which I do agree with, but like you said it's your life. The best thing to do is move on and try to let go completely and not dwell on him hun. You're going to find someone better. There is no harm in being civil, but to tell you the truth are you really going to actually be real friends with him? I mean genuine friends? If you haven't moved on completely then I suggest you just keep working on yourself and growing a bit as a person. Did you examine the relationship at all and why it failed? What could you do better? Are there things about yourself that you dislike etc? It could be a rebound, and it could not be a rebound. It doesn't really matter because he has moved on. The best thing for you is to probably do the same when you are ready Link to comment
Heidi90 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Thanks for your reply endy No I really don't intend to stay friends with him, wouldn't be much point when I'll be 3000 miles away! But I don't want us to be on bad terms or for him to feel that I'm bitter or still upset because I'm not. I said that I'd been thinking about contacting him for a couple of weeks but obviously if he's with somebody new that changes things a lot, but I only just found that out. To be honest, the way he's behaved since the break up makes me realise that I'm better off without the drama. I'm about to embark on an exciting career whilst he's taking drugs and potentially bringing up another guy's kid. Still, I wish him luck. I know what I did to contribute to the relationship ending and I've been out on dates but I am by no means ready for another relationship because I'm still learning a lot about myself. Luckily, though, I've stopped beating myself up about it because I've realised I'm a pretty decent person and it wasn't just my fault that the relationship failed. Anyways I'm going off topic. The thread really wasn't about me contacting him but I still appreciate all feedback Link to comment
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