I really need some advice please

[reticentness]

Hello, My ex and I were in a 2 and a half year relationship when I decided to break it off because I didn't think it would last. To make it worse, I did it a week after a friend of ours had past away so he was already upset. I regretted it the next day and got back with him but he broke up with me two weeks later. He said he didn't want me in his life and it took a while for it to really sink in but it did and I ended up dating this guy that had liked me for a long time and I slept with him, to make things even worse. Now I'm kinda stuck in a relationship with this rebound guy because he makes me think he's going to hurt himself if I break it off with him right now. He's a pretty good guy actually but we don't agree very much. Anyway, after all this I still can't forget about my ex and I don't think I'll ever stop regretting what I did to him. I really want to be with him again. I didn't think I was the kind of person to cause such drama or whatever but one bad choice led to another. I don't really trust my own feelings anymore and I would really appreciate some advice on any of this. This all happened over a month. I feel like I stuck my head in a blender or something, I don't know what to do about any of it anymore.

[Celtic Saint]

This is just my take on what appears to be happening and what I would do in your situation. I would get out of the relationship that you are currently in as you are with someone who is blackmailing you. You wanted to break up with your original bf because you couldn't see the relationship going anywhere, and it wasn't going to last. However, I really cannot see the one you're in now lasting, unless you want to be blackmailed at every given turn.

 

It's only natural to begin to doubt yourself when a relationship ends and life takes on a route that you didn't expect. You are going to begin to say to yourself "Did I do the right thing". "OMG what have I done!" etc etc etc. However, you did what you did based upon your feelings at the time and those feelings were legitimate then, and are therefore legitimate now. Don't ever doubt yourself. Your ex will get over this and he will become a stronger person for it. In years to come he may well even think back to you splitting with him and actually thank you for doing it. You're just suffering from guilt and remorse. But that's no reason to stay with someone. I know this, as I have returned to a person twice because I felt so ashamed that I had hurt them so much. I bitterly regretted returning to them after. And the relationship only became harder and harder.

 

I think you could do with a year finding out who you are and investing some time in yourself. You'll also become a much more attractive person to a member of the opposite sex if you exude an air of confident self reliance.

 

Good luck.

CS

[He2Him]

Get your priorities sorted out and figure out what it is you want. Seems like you don't know what you want at all, bouncing like a ball off the walls with no purpose, nor destination.