What are the signs of a rebound relationship/love interest?

[curious987]

I was just curious as to what the signs of a rebound relationship actually are.

Or not even a 'relationship', just a sudden interest in someone. Maybe even a forced interest.

 

Do people actually try to tell themselves they like someone else, just to help them move on from a previous partner? And yeah are there are signs to look out for, so that you can kinda identify whether someone is infact on the 'rebound'?

 

Thoughts and opinions would be appreciated : )

[caseh]

I was just curious as to what the signs of a rebound relationship actually are.

Or not even a 'relationship', just a sudden interest in someone. Maybe even a forced interest.

 

Do people actually try to tell themselves they like someone else, just to help them move on from a previous partner? And yeah are there are signs to look out for, so that you can kinda identify whether someone is infact on the 'rebound'?

 

Thoughts and opinions would be appreciated : )

 

In my experience when i've rebounded i had actually convinced myself that I was genuinely falling for this other girl i had met. Then I realised I was just transferring the feelings I had in previous relationship onto my new relationship. Took a few weeks to realise this and explained I wasn't ready for another relationship. Ended things as best I could and kept myself single for a few months.

 

I guess the tell tale sign you are going out with someone on the rebound is that they are only just out of a recent relationship. Anyone who goes into a relationship without taking time out to recover should be avoided. Its not to say that rebound relationships don't work but anyone who may still be in touch with their ex so soon out of a relationship is a potential time bomb waiting to go off leaving you as collateral damage.

 

Have a look at this thread:

 

Rebound Relationship

This usually occurs a few weeks to a few months after a breakup. This can happen to all age group. A dumper has a hard time dealing with the breakup and jumps into a relationship without actually getting to know the new person. This person is usually someone they just met. They do this to fill a certain void that the dumpee has left, and by jumping into another relationship it helps them get over the dumpee. However, this type of relationship don't usually last (average 3 - 6 months), because the dumper usually don't have enough time to deal with the issues in the previous relationship.

[Snny]

• People who have recently left a previous relationship relationship jump into another relationship (a lot of people will find a new relationship to be in due to the "fear" of being alone).
  
• People who constantly talk about their exes.
  
• People seeking their exes right after their break up.
  
• People who are not fully engaged in a new relationship (not really head over heels).
  

[curious987]

Hmmmm, okay.

Yeah see I've been with a guy for about 2.5 years (one of those was unoffical, but we still only wanted eachother).

He broke up with me all of the sudden, 8 weeks ago. I was really shocked. He always seemed so in love with me. Always dropped everything for me.

I feel like I didn't put enough effort into our relationship, and whether he consciously realises it or not, I think I subconsiously neglected him, and pushed him away

Anyway, when he broke up with me he said he doesn't think he loves me anymore. He said, "I still have feelings for you, but I just lost enought to not 'love' you anymore".

 

Three weeks after the break up, he comes out with A) I seemed unhappy, B) I didn't seem to care when other guys were interested in me (because in my mind I was fully committed to him. He is insecure). and C) Lack of affection/intimacy.

He also said that in the last couple months of our relationship, he began texting this girl who he dated for a few weeks about three years ago. He said that he only text her once every few weeks, just casual conversation, and the texts were not ongoing. He said he never actually saw her. She is a mutual friend of both of us, as she is in our main group of friends. If he was going to transfer his feelings from me to her, wouldn't it have happened during the 2 years we were at school, when he saw her everyday and had classes with her? He had NO interest in her then. He was totally devoted to me.

 

Anyway, he said he began liking her more than me, and didn't know if he loved her or not : s Just from a few texts!

A few people I've told say that he's using her as a 'bandaid', so he isn't alone and has someone else there.

 

I think he was unhappy with how I was in our relationship, so he reached out to her (familiar ground), and he actually now believes he is in love with her. It may be a case of G.I.G.S? : s

 

 

All I want is for him to know how much I love him, and for him to give me the chance to be a better girlfriend (now that he's told me some of the reasons he lost interest in 'us'). In all due respect, he should have sat down with me, discussed with me what he was frustrated with, and given me the chance to change it. It was very selfish, and I can't believe he 'fell in love' with her so easily, and moved on from me without seeming to care!

I have this gut feeling that he still loves me, but I have also heard from a mutual friend that he though I was going to dump him. So maybe he just felt like I wanted out : s

 

I just want us to be together, work on our problems, and for him to let me be a better girlfriend, let me appreciate him like I should have, physically shown him how much I love him. I have a gut feeling that his using this other girl to try get over me. But he doesn't need to get over me. We were great together. He seemed to LOVE being with me. EVERYONE was shocked when I told them he said he didn't love me. Everyone saw how much he did : (

[caseh]

Three weeks after the break up, he comes out with A) I seemed unhappy, B) I didn't seem to care when other guys were interested in me (because in my mind I was fully committed to him. He is insecure). and C) Lack of affection/intimacy.

 

This is the kind of thing people usually talk about BEFORE breaking up. All it results in after you have broken up is making you feel guilty and from what i've read from you its worked. You're now beating yourself up over 'what if...' scenarios that you can't change, it's in the past. On the plus side I would take that as closure, trying to 'win' him back now is simply a waste of time on your part.

 

I'll keep it short and sweet from my point, he sounds childish and selfish. Two traits I personally cannot f'ing stand!

 

He has this new girl to break his fall; the void you would have left if you had broken up and both been single...you on the other hand are left picking up the pieces of what you felt was a great relationship. You can either stick about trying to pick the pieces up, over analysing every little piece of information you can recall or you can just leave the pieces behind and move on.

 

I understand its not that simple, you're hurting pretty bad I can tell that just from what you've written. Have a look around the forums, theres some good advice on going No Contact (NC) and you would be amazed by how many other people have been in your situation.

[Chicklet]

Hmmm. I dunno. My guy had only been apart from his g/f of 5 years (off and on) for about 6 months when he and I hooked up. I had been out of my previous relationship about the same amount of time. We hooked up without ever dating anyone else in between. So, I suppose we were both in a "rebound relationship"....however, we're going on 7 years now, so it worked for us

[caseh]

Hmmm. I dunno. My guy had only been apart from his g/f of 5 years (off and on) for about 6 months when he and I hooked up. I had been out of my previous relationship about the same amount of time. We hooked up without ever dating anyone else in between. So, I suppose we were both in a "rebound relationship"....however, we're going on 7 years now, so it worked for us

 

I wouldn't really say 6 months out of a relationship is rebounding to be honest.

[Lucidity]

I was just curious as to what the signs of a rebound relationship actually are.

Or not even a 'relationship', just a sudden interest in someone. Maybe even a forced interest.

 

Do people actually try to tell themselves they like someone else, just to help them move on from a previous partner? And yeah are there are signs to look out for, so that you can kinda identify whether someone is infact on the 'rebound'?

 

Thoughts and opinions would be appreciated : )

 

To be blunt, and to answer your question: I think the main sign of rebounding is denial. Dating and casual encounters are different, but a true and committed love interest/relationship that lasts for any length of time will require a certain amount of time to get over and heal from. If I date someone who tells me that they are just a few days or weeks out of a long term and committed relationship, and they try to pass off that they are ready to move into a new relationship, then the red flags definitely go up for me. Denial tends to manifest itself as hidden pain, pain that is subtley displayed as topics of a particular conversation get suddenly shifted to change the conversation path. Or, conversely, if a date is detailing a recent bad breakup, and they accept nor indicate that they had a single hand in anything that went wrong, then that sends up even more red flags for me. Also, how they talk about their ex's is critical to understanding where they are in their own headspace. It's one thing to say something like "we werent compatible", but it's much different if they say something like "he/she was a jerk/bit*h. Hopefully you get the picture. If there is hurt, denial, or a judgemental position being held by a person, then these are signs that you might be a rebound target and need to proceed with caution, for your own hearts sake.

[supercat]

My ex and I broke up -she started dating a new guy within a week (been 2 months now) -she has met me for lunch and drops "breadcrumbs" -but my issue is she seems to spend everynight with this guy (she did that with me when we first met) -he is sleeping at her house (I drove by a few times -I have stopped bad on my part) they go to starbucks in the morning ( I introduced to that ) I have not seen him but he has out of state plates on his car ? Anyway I am keeping NC -I did send a few emails early on saying I was sorry for what happened -just hoping this ends and she will take me back- very hard waiting it out and I am trying to just let it go and continue my life- just still hoping

[NeverGoingBack]

Or, conversely, if a date is detailing a recent bad breakup, and they accept nor indicate that they had a single hand in anything that went wrong, then that sends up even more red flags for me. Also, how they talk about their ex's is critical to understanding where they are in their own headspace. It's one thing to say something like "we werent compatible", but it's much different if they say something like "he/she was a jerk/bit*h.

 

Can you elaborate on this please? I think I'm going through/went through exactly that. My ex gf seems to be in denial completely, and is in a rebound relationship straight out of a ten year relationship with me. She is portraying me to her close friends as a nut who can't accept that we're broken up. It takes real effort for a person to block out everything that she did. Me trying to get a conversation with her after she asked for a "break" is apparently too much for her to handle, and it means I'm going waaaay too far.

[ks1986]

My ex broke up with me and started dating someone 10 Days after we broke up when we were still trying to work things out and possibly reconcile. The relationship went really fast, sex on the first date. He hid it from me for 3 weeks before they became official, giving me false hope here and there. Flat out lied to me, changed his Facebook privacy settings for all of our mutual friends. He even hid it from his friends, I assume because he was embarrassed that they would judge him. When I found out he cried saying he didn't want me to be angry and stop talking to him. He wanted to keep in contact with me and see me and be friends, but I couldn't do it anymore. When I stopped contact with him, he was still clearly in love with me, talked to me and saw me behind his new partner's back, he kept things around that reminded him of me. So frustrating because it's so clearly a rebound and I'm just sitting here having to watch it play out. So far it's been 2 months since they met. This was literally the first person he met and this person is almost the complete opposite of me. Clearly he wanted a new partner that didn't remind him of me.

[Tita11]

Hello ks1986

Hope you're fine. I am going thruogh the same situation, I would like to know how it went for you, though it was years ago.

Thanks

[Darrowz]

I've actually been in three relationships where I was the rebound.

 

I've learnt my lesson now but the signs are obvious. A lot of it is just displaced feelings, they throw everything at you.. all their problems, emotions and sadness. It's very easy to get comfortable and close to someone rebounding because they are so open emotionally.

 

Eventually the initial lust fades or like what happened in one of my rebound relationships... they get over the breakup and don't need you as a comfort anymore and then they desire to be single and alone.

 

It sucks putting effort into someone like that, but I have no one to blame but myself.