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My wife-to-be was raped. I want to be better. HELP


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Man, I don't even know where to begin. I guess... I have been with someone closing in on two years. I know I will be with her forever. Both in mid-20's. She is an amazing person- smart,funny,athletic, on fire for the Lord, etc. I have known that she was abused for quite some time now. I am her biggest fan of how she endured that and conquered it through therapy and extensive work with me and others over the past 3 years. Like many other men who are dating someone who has been abused(i hope this is encouragement for you as well) I went through all the same questions like how do I support her? Or how do I look at her the same? Those are resolved with time, you realize she is and always will be the same person you fell in love with, trust ME. But I am seeking help in how do completely overcome my feelings about it. See, my girlfriend's situation was a bit more rare because this happened non-stop for two years. For many many many reasons she felt unable to get out of the abuse, he would manipulate her and force her, he would threaten to tell the world and she explains it by feeling like the world was over. These emotions I hope all the readers please do not question. I do not struggle there with believing the basic truth. But what I have noticed is when I read other forums or seek professional counsel, men who are deeply involved with a victim begin to experience some extravagent side effects as well. This is completely normal and almost warranted. I am advised if anything, it means we care. But I want to be better. This is where I need desperate help from someone. A man who has beaten this or a woman dating a man who struggles. I DON'T want to sit here and wonder anymore. I don't want to be haunted by the twisted curiosity. I love her SO much. My rage over what happened is coupled with my sadness, which then is combined with unforgiving. How do I handle this? I find myself being randomly insecure about if she liked any of it when it DOESN'T MATTER IN THE LEAST and I know that... i'm better than that. I'm too the point on my healing where I no longer picture it, but still it lingers over me. I can't pin point it, but its there. I need this off me. Please, any advice whatsoever or words of honesty, encouragement, etc would be amazing. To all the victims out there, I envy your strength. Although you may not realize it, but your survival and eventual defeat of that crime is the greatest feat of courage and will change someone's life.Hold on to that.

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