How do you know when you're ready to see your ex again?

[ashley001]

I'm 20 years old and I broke up with my ex-boyfriend 4 months ago. We were high school sweethearts--together for 3 years. I have moved on completely, and we've had no contact at all for 4 months. He took the break-up pretty hard, but we had both established that we would for sure be friends for life, in the future of course.

 

I've been kind of wondering about him, just how he's been, what he's up to. I was interested in getting coffee with him sometime this week. What do you guys think? How do you know when it's okay to be friends with your ex?

[ForumGuy]

You can be friends with your ex when you are completely OK wth seeing them with someone else. It also has to be mutual....are you sure he is ready to be friends with you?

[dramallama]

So you are the one that dumped him? I think unless you want to get back together, you should leave him alone. If you are the dumper then it's all well and good if you are healed, because you got a headstart in healing, but if you truly care for him you will leave him alone so that he can heal.

[ForumGuy]

I was going to edit my above post to add what Dramallama said. You said he took your breaking up with him pretty hard and you should probably leave him alone if you really care about him.

[DylanNotorious]

You really want to be friends with an ex, like as in a friend? or a step in the direction of wondering if he would like to get back together.

 

I think you still like him, and using the friend thing as an excuse.

[ashley001]

Definitely as a friend, I have a new boyfriend now.

[dramallama]

Then leave him alone and give a thought to his feelings.

[ferna3069]

yeah this will crush him if u try been friends with him having a bf

[hello678]

If you dumped him than not for at least a year.

 

I would go as far as saying the dumper never has a right to ask for anything.

[Good Arms]

Totally agree.

 

As an unwilling dumpee, I took it VERY hard, yet at the time said I was glad we were still friends (via text). But I soon wised up and realised we couldn't be at all. It was just me trying to hold on to any last vestige of the relationship.

 

I soon learned about her liking/seeing other people, and I was crushed to find that out (not through talking, but because I work with her and hear and see things).

 

I know it happens, but I can't fathom how exes can possibly be friends, unless BOTH have moved on and have found someone else. That, or they have a VERY strong constitution.

 

Imagine yourself in his shoes, could you handle an ex who dumped you being a 'friend' and telling you all about what they've been up to with their new lover?

 

No. Leave him alone.

[hello678]

Totally agree.

 

As an unwilling dumpee, I took it VERY hard, yet at the time said I was glad we were still friends (via text). But I soon wised up and realised we couldn't be at all. It was just me trying to hold on to any last vestige of the relationship.

 

I soon learned about her liking/seeing other people, and I was crushed to find that out (not through talking, but because I work with her and hear and see things).

 

I know it happens, but I can't fathom how exes can possibly be friends, unless BOTH have moved on and have found someone else. That, or they have a VERY strong constitution.

 

Imagine yourself in his shoes, could you handle an ex who dumped you being a 'friend' and telling you all about what they've been up to with their new lover?

 

No. Leave him alone.

 

Its never a good idea. Because even if they don't tell you directly about their new partners you would wonder.

 

I have plenty of friends, why do you want to be friends with someone who hurt you?

 

Since the person making this thread is the dumper I would honestly say do the right thing and never contact him again. It sucks I know but you made the decision and he is probably still hurting.

[hausser]

Agreed. IMO you are missing him despite dumping him, and just want to test the waters.

[ForumGuy]

Now knowing that you have a boyfriend, it would be selfish of you to contact him.

[TSandullo]

Hi Ashley,

 

Breaking up after being highschool sweethearts can really take its toll on a person, particularly when one party takes it harder than the other.

 

Even though you have both promised to be friends in future, I think it is better you leave him be for a good while longer.

 

Knowing myself and others who have effectively been 'dumped', out of the blue contact after 4 months of not being in contact might get him thinking things like 'does she want to get back together with me?'

 

Perhaps he needs his space to heal and that is what you might need to give to him.

 

A coffee meeting with a revelation of you being with another can be a real stinger to him.

 

I think it is best that you leave him alone and then perhaps when he is healed and really does want to be friends, he can contact you.

 

Right now, let the water pass under the bridge.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Hi again Ashley, I just had a read through your previous posts, late 2010 through to recent.

 

I think based on what I have read, leave him alone for now. 7 years knowing him and dating for 3 is a long time. And perhaps to get over you will take a long time.

 

TS

[thekid55]

When you don't think about whether you should see them again or not. When you have a 'take it or leave it' attitude with them, you're ready.

 

Anything else and it'll fail.