No contact in 8 days and I'm acting crazy.. please help!

[lucy90]

Hi, this is my first time posting on these forums but I have been reading for almost a year.

 

I have been seeing a guy since late February. I was reluctant to become 'official' as I had just come out of a 2 year emotionally & physically abusive relationship, but he made me happy and led me to believe I could trust him. He told me he loved me early on and eventually I fell for him and felt the same.

 

Fast forward a few months and I have started to lose my sh** over him and just feel terrible. I am basically just posting this so I become accountable for how crazy I have acted this week and be told that it's time to stop trying to contact him and move on

 

He left for an interstate trip 2 Tuesdays ago to visit his family. He came to see me the day he left, we made love, he told me he'd miss me and to contact him when I wanted (he is not on a plan so doesn't always have credit to ring/text me).

 

I texted him once per day, just little messages saying I missed him etc. After a few days I rung him, on the Saturday night, he was really happy to hear from me and told me to ring again that weekend.

 

The next morning I wrote on his Facebook wall 'miss you babe' as he had a game and I didn't want to distract him. That night, I received a horribly abusive private message from a girl claiming to be his ex, saying they were back together, making love etc and to stop contacting him. She called me every expletive under the sun and threatened me repeatedly. I was extremely upset (I had been cheated on repeatedly in my last LTR) and texted him " * * * your EX just facebooked me saying use are back together in ___ ? " & " tell your little girlfriend to stop sending me abusive f*cking messages threatening to smash me and calling me a c**. If you want to be a player go and do it but don't get me involved. I wish I'd never fallen for you or trusted you " & "can you just tell me the truth " ... I also tried calling him 4 times and he didn't answer or reply. We had never had an argument before so that was the first time I had ever been angry/upset at him and I really regret speaking in that way, but I was so confused about what to believe and just sent the texts without thinking.

 

On Monday I tried ringing him in the late afternoon and sent him a text saying " I really don't know what to believe I trusted you so much.. I hope she is lying.. please just tell me what's going on x "

 

On Tuesday I spoke to a friend about the situation and she said I shouldn't have accused him without speaking to him first. I texted him without thinking - " I am sorry for being angry the other night that chick just really upset me what she was saying about you. I trust you babe. I love you " -

 

On Wednesday I saw him write a status on FB and became extremely upset. He still had not bothered contacting me and I had no idea what to believe. I tried ringing him twice and the call was cancelled (hung up?)

 

On Thursday & Friday I started to just go crazy, blaming myself and regretting sending all the texts. I tried ringing him 9 times (I know but his phone was dead so they didn't go through. I am guessing he would have seen them when he turned his phone back on though.

 

On Saturday I vowed to leave it and wait to hear from him, but I was out at a party and had a lot to drink and tried ringing him 4 times and texted him " ??? ". He didn't answer.

 

On Sunday (yesterday) I finally found some strength and didn't contact him at all. I felt a lot better. I woke up today though and saw he was on FB writing statuses etc and became upset all over again. I tried ringing him but his phone was dead, so I private messaged him " are you alive when do you come back . . I miss you ".

 

I feel so pathetic and stupid and wish I could take back everything I have sent him and at least have my dignity intact. I think I just jumped into this too soon and am still so damaged from my ex that I will put up with anything and make excuses and blame myself. Please talk some sense into me

[ForumGuy]

You can't undo what is already done, but you can get some dignity back by cutting contact with him. He obviously isn't caring about you. He probably thinks that all he has to do is pick up the phone one time and talk to you and you will forgive him. Forget that noise! You need to face the fact that you will never be able to fully trust him again and no matter how much it hurts, you need to go NC and stick to it. NC is the only way ou can salvage your self respect as well as any respect he may have left for you.

[Oneironaut]

Yes, you jumped the gun in accusing him like that...however, I find the fact that he hasn't even bothered defending himself to be highly suspicious.

 

I think you may have to let this one go, and try to learn from the experience. Yes, you are damaged from the last relationship...so it's probably a good idea to take some time to yourself, and read up on advice about getting over being cheated upon. Trust is required for a healthy relationship, and you'll have to learn to trust again to find one.

 

Good luck to you.

[Benville]

He may have been angry over being accused without a chance to defend himself, but, anger like that could last a day or two at the most, not more than a week.

 

If he was innocent, he'd have contacted you by now and explained.

 

Do yourself a favour and remove him from your life.

[faithful14]

He sounds like a shady guy, Im sorry to say.

 

If those things his ex were saying were false, he would called you up and explained himself. He hasn't though.

 

He doesn't sound like a great guy to me. It sucks but let him go and find someone better.

[lucy90]

Thank you for the kind replies. I'm just so hurt that he could care so little about me as to let things fade in this way He was sleeping at my house every few nights, eating dinner with my family, I have his clothes in my room & car still.. I gave myself to him and let him in after telling him how scared I was of getting hurt again and now this. I agree NC on my part is the best option, but he gets back on Wednesday - should I be prepared to just never hear from him again and assume it's over or do you think he will have the decency to contact me eventually? Every time I get strong I start feeling guilty about how I spoke in that text and feel like this is all just my fault, maybe if I hadn't acted so psycho things would have worked out different... Ahhhh

[faithful14]

no matter how you behave, if he really cared about you, he would have called at least to give his side of the story or in some way be defending himself so you wouldn't be upset. Don't feel guilty. What he has done is 1000x worse, I mean he didn't even have the decency to call you up or anything. Even when he comes back home on Wednesday, ignore, ignore ignore.

[lucy90]

Just updating so I don't do anything stupid... I haven't contacted him since I sent that FB message on Monday.. he gets home sometime today (Wednesday).. My head is still going crazy with thoughts - what if his ex lied about something I said? Maybe she told him I was the one who contacted her, or said something like I was cheating on him anyway and didn't care, or abused her.. I don't know I don't even necessarily want everything to go back to normal, I just want an answer and want a chance to defend myself if she lied about me, or deleted my texts before he could see them or something. AHH

[lucy90]

Just another update.. he ended up getting home yesterday (Thursday). I was on fb chat at the same time he was and waited about 15 minutes to see if he'd say anything. I eventually sent " ? ? " and then said " if you don't want to see me anymore just tell me the truth " and he replied " I just got into ___ " (our town) I replied " k " and went offline - over 24 hours have passed and I still haven't heard anything. If he wanted to end it why didn't he just say it on chat? What was he inferring?! It feels like IM in the wrong and he's angry at ME. I just want answers