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Falling apart?


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My girlfriend and I have known each other for nearly two years and have been together with one another for a little over a year. I'm sure we all know when the talking/dating/relationship first starts everything seems to be so unnaturally great you can't see yourself being any happier. Especially if the person you are involved with embodies every aspect you'd ever hoped to find in an SO. Things were great between me and her for quite a while. We would have fights and arguments occasionally, but they would be resolved quickly and we would move on from them. Nearing the end of 2010 things started to feel a little different. I thought it was just my imagination messing with my subconscious, but that gut feeling just wouldn't go away. I expect for that initial lovey phase to diminish over time, but this was something more. Her personality did a complete 180. She went from sweet and respectful to crass and demeaning. I have my own sets of issues I deal with, as well as her, and we've always been patient with one another in them. But it was getting to the point where if I asked her to clarify something with me (like, say, approaching her about that gut feeling I was getting, it was never responded to calmly, it felt more like she was playing the blame game and then demeaning my feelings on the matter) it would immediately, 90% of the time, spark an intense argument that could continue on for 2-3 days. Sometimes me simply asking her if everything is ok would spark an argument. I've gotten to the point where I'm not sure what to say anymore or how to respond to her; we went from this close relationship to me being told very consistently, but very subtly, that I "should have" said this or "could have" said something differently. Her uplifting nature eventually turned into bossiness and I couldn't shake the feeling that she was becoming very unsympathetic. Our daily phone conversations soon shifted from "just calling to say hi" and a couple-hours chat at night to the former completely disappearing and those conversations getting later and later. We then found ourselves not spending as much time together and those phone calls at night sometimes ending in 5 minutes. Sometimes they never happened at all. I'd be told the next day that she had fallen asleep. It could be very true, but I found it highly suspect. I feel that, for whatever reason, she has absolutely no respect for me anymore, and for the life of me I can't figure out why (and trust me, I've asked her). Now it's gotten to the point where I'm lucky if I hear from her once a day in any respect (phone call, instant message, text, etc...) The last time we had a decent conversation is probably approaching the five day mark which, no more than a month ago, would have been highly unlikely to happen. I've tried approaching her with the issue but it always seem to end in accusations thrown at me or simply "everything's fine" when I know deep down inside that it's not.


Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? What do you think could be going on?

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Hey majestic,


The amount of resonance I feel with you and your situation is uncanny.


I've been through the same situation recently with my own partner. You and I are the same kind of person, simply put caring, sensitive and considerate. This is what every woman says they want, but truth is it doesn't seem to work that way.


We've landed ourselves strong women and the kind nurturing behaviour eventually gets taken for granted (they probably dont realise this though, it's not malicious, it just is the way it is) and eventually gets boring. We become doormats, simply through being who we are.


You hit the nail on the head when you said she's lost respect for you. My gf and I already split up once when the situation headed down the same path and I struggle to not let it happen again. When things aren't right or I can see she's bothered by something I just want to listen and help, but it seems to be the wrong thing to do consistently. When you remove the challenge from a situation, the situation becomes stale for the other person.


I need to take my own advice here, but, take a back seat. You're there for her all the time, considerate of her needs and emotions all the time. Remove yourself from that equation. It may be hard, and it'll make you feel bad (it does me, I know that much), but fairly soon they'll come to realise what's missing in their lives and how they don't always appreciate it, it being YOU.


If she doesn't, then, to be blunt, she's giving you a way out of a situation that's difficult for you.


Learn to play the game a little. Don't always say yes, don't always respond or reply immediately, don't always offer to do something for her. You and I need to learn to keep the mystery in a relationship, because constants get boring to most people.


I definitely need to follow my own advice....

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