Truly not mean to be??

[Daisy11]

Wow, can't believe it but exactly one year ago today, my fiance` moved out and left me, taking the ring and all. And today, one year later exactly, he left again. We have been going back and forth, on and off over the past year. There has been a lot of hurtful things said, feelings hurt and promises to never speak again. But somehow our hearts always bring us back together. Usually it's him approaching me, asking for me back and for another chance. But then it's also him that usually leaves before we ever give it a real chance.

 

The big issue is that I own my own home 45 minutes away from where his life is. He can't leave his place of work (he lives on the family farm) and i can't afford to sell my home right now because of the market in decline and I also am not sure I can move so far from my family (my Mom is currently struggling with chemo associated with breast cancer) and having to drive so far for work each day. When together he and I always have a great time. We laugh, are completely comfortable together, and the sex is amazing. He is my best friend, or so it feels. However, we both avoid the topic of me moving down to the farm so we can be together since we know it always ends up in an argument. He is unwilling to compromise to move halfway and I am unable to sell my home at this time and am uneasy about the move.

 

This has been going on for a year. The ups and downs and the rollar coaster ride. I feel I do love him in my heart, but it is truly possible that it's just not meant to be? Is it true that our lives just aren't a good fit and that's the reason why we can't be together? Is there a bigger picture or issue I'm missing? All of my friends see how upset he makes me when he has left over and over again. I have spent this past year crying often and at 26 years old, I'm ready for a family and to move to the next step of my life.

 

I don't know if it's truly because I love him or because we were engaged and that meant something to me but for some reason I am unable to just let him go. Why can't I move on and consider him a part of my past? Why can't I accept that our lives will never mesh and I'll be better with someone else? I was seeing someone for about 6 weeks and was pretty happy with him, it wasn't that serious, but he treated me like gold and was very caring towards me and we had fun together. But then when the ex-fiance came crawling back asking for another chance I dropped the new BF within days and went back to my ex. Just to be let down and left alone again. So much heart and so many feelings are tied to him. How can I cut loose? If it's just not meant to be then why do I keep going back? I just want to be happy, damn it! Ha ha

[sadchick83]

Ask yourself why you would want to be with someone who sounds like they are adding to your stress when your mother is ill. What guy would play you during this difficult time? Take some time off of men and focus on your Mom. Believe me you will figure out who your real friends / boyfriends are when times get tough.

[faithful14]

Hey Daisy,

 

I agree with sadchick83. I think right now you're timing is off for a relationship. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, especially with your mom being sick and all. A boyfriend/husband should be a source of calm for you especially when you are going through a rough time. Take some time away from these men and be there for your mom. The situation with the guys will eventually work itself out. Just focus on you for now. If any of these men truly love you and want to be with you, they will wait till you're ready.

[catfeeder]

Why would BF expect you to sell your property at a loss for someone who demonstrates time and again that he's got zero stability to offer you?

 

The right man for you would never ask you to operate against your own best interests, much less add stress to your life when your Mom is sick.

 

Head high, and hold out for the right man.

[Daisy11]

Thanks for you comments everyone. I think deep down I know that you are all correct in that the right man wouldn't want anything for me than what's best for me. I just wish I knew what was holding me to him and why I'm having such a hard time letting go. Someone else had a thread about how getting back together just wasn't the same and it's almost like so much has happened over this past year with my ex that it truly doesn't feel the same when we are together but I still can't seem to let him go.

 

I don't know, maybe it just isn't supposed to work out and I know I need to focus on my Mom. I have been there for her in every way I can be and it's taking a toll on me emotionally and causing anxiety. It's so hard to see a loved one go through all of this and I just wish while she's leaning on me and I'm being strong for her I had someone to come home to and lean on to take care of me. ....... sad today.

 

So anyway, regarding the ex-BF I think I do know that deep down we aren't meant to be together but now where do I go to get past this? We broke up a year ago but every few months we have had contact and have been in each other's lives. This is so hard!

[Nick Lansing]

It's hard to let go because you have so much time and emotion invested in it. Also, you're going through a hard time with your mother's illness which makes you more vulnerable.

 

I think he could well come back, but from what you've written he seems like a flake and a terrible guy for you. Leaving you under these circumstances and in this way is heartless. We all make mistakes about people... Not your fault he turned out to be this way.

 

Work on yourself for now, but in a little while I'd shoot that 6-week guy an email if I were you

[endy]

Try reading You can heal your life by Louise Hay and the journey from abandonment to healing by Susan Anderson It's going to help you out a lot with letting go and moving on. The issue is you probably just don't want to move and neither does he. If you could reach a compromise and think more positively about it... It would probably actually come about. We need to picture the things that we want and need. We have to actually think they are going to happen then they will. Too many people under estimate the power of the mind. There's probably a much deeper reason this is all happening and you should realize it in time.