Someone else's past abuse

[brew]

I've been dating the most amazing person for a few months now, we've known each other for several years, but just recently started dating. I really think she's perfect. She somewhat hesitantly told me of some childhood sexual abuse she suffered. She didn't get into great detail but what she did say is horrible. Words like "passed around" were used and honestly I don't know if I really want to hear more details because I'd have to hurt someone very badly.

 

After telling me what she felt like she needed to, she said we weren't going to talk of it again. She said she's worked this whole ordeal out and I trust that she has. She seems pretty well adjusted, well, as well adjusted as someone can be given the set of circumstances she has been put through.

 

I'm going to respect her and not bring it up again, but I do feel like there is something I need to do. Not really sure what that is, but sure seems like some kind of an education is in order for me. I don't want to "fix" anything. I don't want to be any kind of therapist for her, I just feel like I need to be . . . I don't know, more prepared?

 

Anyway, any suggestions or thoughts would be helpful.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Someone who's gone through such trauma in their lives will no doubt have some lingering issues. People can walk away from sexual abuse in different directions. Counseling is a key to processing the event(s), and many find a way to put it behind them. Even still, some can have a difficult time, especially regarding sex, for many years afterward. If she seems to have recovered from it well, maybe try reading up on post traumatic stress disorder. That should give you an idea of her journey. Also, it may help you understand when some seemingly innocuous thing hits a button for her in the future.

[AllForGod]

ive been with my swet heart for close to two years. she went through this as a high schooler. You can't compare situations, but what you can compare is our reactions as boyfriends. I promise you, if you truly care about her, its going to be the hardest thing youve done in your life. your going to want to fix her, be therapist, go back in time and hurt ppl, etc etc. but for now, sit on your hands. as the previous post suggested, i wish I had learned more about ptsd. you dont need to be an expert to show you care. just listen, and keep your emotions aside as shes talking. but I am the first to say, what she tells you will hurt for many reasons. I am in the same boat as you my friend. hearing someone you care about hurt that bad is so damaging. Ill give you advice I wish I had when i first found out... get help early if it hurts! It may not hurt right away. Thats good. I didn't talk to ANYONE bc I always felt it wasn't my business to be in pain or discuss... WRONG. Get help ( even vaguely.. leave out details) and talk about how it affects you, don't be ashamed. if you don't, they may pile up and be menacing if this relationship lasts. I wish you the best of luck. Be her rock, don't force, and just love her. Victims of this subject are the strongest on the plantet.

[brew]

Thanks. This is helpful and certainly eye opening. I very much appreciate this.