replytome Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Basically, I believe that in a dumpers mind it's not really over...because they expect that they can have you anytime. We on the other hand don't see it like that. They can feel free to text us with confidence, but we are terrified of certain rejection. My ex sent that message expecting us to go together to close the joint account. I said ''I have already removed my name from it, I nolonger have anything to do with it". Plain, to the point and formal. She was obviously expecting me to say "don't worry, contact me anytime, how are you anyway?"...also, she thought we would go together. When she dumped me I said "ok, well you will never see me again, and I will make you dissappear from my life." Not in a mean way, but because I knew that she didn't actually take it 100% seriously. I meant it though! That was the last time she'll ever see me. After that moment, she doesn't deserve to see me or speak to me. She deserves me deleting her messages without replying, and going on with my day. Link to comment
replytome Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Oh yeah, I wasn't expecting an answer after I wrote back...I didn't want one. It was case closed. She wrote back "Thanks with a smiley, to look harmless so that I would write back and strike up a convo. No gracias. Delete. Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Yeah I dont think I could hate her. the way I look at her is its her loss to lose out on me. Sure for a week or two I hated her, the usual but now if she texts me I'll just reply but don't see myself being friends or anything with her. Link to comment
delboi Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 why do all of these reach-outs start with "i know you probably dont want to hear from me"? haha so true!! Its guilt... they know they've done something that hurt you, and feel bad about it, so they assume (rightly so) that we dont want to hear from them... not that it stops us replying The question is should you remove that guilt from them? should you reply? and be nice? Sounds like your doing good gerry, and tbh i think you played it pretty well. Ignoring them does show your still not completely over them, but then again i guess the same could be said for replying. Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 yeah its 50/50 really between ignoring them and texting them. my female friend said I should text back but be formal and dont say anything like I missed her either and dont ask questions. If the text was just to remove her guilt then its done and I wont hear from her again. Or else something will happen in another month or two which will make her text me again, who knows but its not going to bother me. Link to comment
No1 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I probably would of responded with "glad to hear you had a good time" and left it at that. that wasnt a fishing text, just a text. she probably did honestly miss you. from what you said she broke up with you out of nessesity and not because you or her cheated. I dont think there is anything wrong with a responce to her text, but hey, I usually buck the system. Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 so a bit of an update I suppose as its been an interesting week. She texted quite a bit more saying she misses me, NC isnt fair as we shared so much. I was in a good place so I was texting back the usual well its best for us as it will only prolong things, im moving on etc and cant wait around forever. she asked if i would give her a few weeks and then decide if we can try again. I said call me in a few weeks if you want but as i said im working on myself and moving on so i cant guarantee if i will be emotionally available then. I know this sounds a bit harsh but she dumped me at the end of the day and she shouldnt have got in contact if she didnt want to try again. Anyways i know technically I am back to day 1 of NC but it doesnt feel like that as I stayed strong and i;m feeling pretty good about myself these days. Yes I will admit it was a bit of an ego boost to hear her say some of those things as I thought she had forgotten about me as soon as we broke up. A note for people who want their ex back and are implementing NC. Its for you, not to get them back and missing you doesnt mean wanting to get back to you. Anyway i dont mind starting from day 1 again Link to comment
hausser Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Wow interesting dude. I agree on it not being about day one of NC as essentially the balance of power has now shifted. Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 yeah i was really taken aback by it to be honest. i mean when people break up they should throw themselves in to everything so they are not alone and thinking too much and living life for themselves etc. this girl was the busiest i ever met, she literally had something on every night so i presumed she didnt even think of me. just mad the way the world works sometimes. ah i wasnt completely blunt like that, i mean i of course told her i missed her too but at the end of the day i need to do this for me and her contacting me when she is confused isnt fair on me. sure we'll see if anything happens again but luckily i dont think ive been rattled too much, Link to comment
hausser Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 She probably will contact you again dude, and you being apparently not being interested may well make you seem even more desirable, the old cat and string rule. (When something pulls away, you chase it more). So are you up for recon or no? Perhap best to make a decision... Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 right now, maybe but sure I know the reasons of the break up havent gone away. She misses me which is normal, I miss her too. Personally i would like to meet up with her because I think thats when you really know what the story is rather then long wind texts, lets face it you can never get your message over in long wind texts because you are always thinking feck i cant go in to block number 3 of the text, that will make me look weird, better end it now you know! ah she might text me but she knows i miss her so maybe thats all she wanted to hear you know. sure we'll see, either way im continuing as normal. Link to comment
hausser Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Yeah true about the text thing. Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 so more interesting things happened over the weekend. got a couple of I miss you texts. decided to take the plunge and ask if she wants to try again, She said she isnt sure how about me? I said sure lets meet up and decide. Her response was I dont think meeting up is a good idea when we are trying to get over each other...... madness! not getting roped in to these texts again. next time im ignoring her, if she asks why im just going to ask her to delete my number from her phone. not worth going back Link to comment
hausser Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 WHat a headf***. You did the right thing asking her whats what. My advice is change your number, or you WILL be waiting for another text. My guess is she does want to get back, but feels basically uncomfortable about having another go as she was the one who ended it, a mixture of guilt and anxiety. She was probably waiting for you to beg a little bit which would have been the worse thing to do, really devalued yourself. I think Id be tempted to tell her one last time, ONLY contact me if you wish to try and seriously reconcile. Give her a few days chance to respond, if not change number and really move on. That way you wont have any self doubt about wether you were fair. Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 yeah complete head**** is right. ah im not bothering with her. she can text all she wants but im not going to respond. not even waiting for a text from her now these days. think last night was her way of accepting it. i think the dumpers always want to know if they could get you back, she found out she had a good chance as i said sure lets meet up and talk. im not going to text her to ask her only to text me if she wants to reconcile cause i dont even know if i would want to after the way she acted. onwards and upwards Link to comment
Glowguy Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Good for you irishgerry. I think you definitely have the right attitude about this. She was probably just looking for a quick ego boost to make sure you are still pining for her. It's pretty cruel when dumpers act that way but it's probably unavoidable that she would reach out at some point. My ex has tried calling a few times but she never left any kind of message or reason for it. I never called back and I've kept things very businesslike over text. I'm in a much better place because of it. I also got the "I miss you" texts but I doubt it meant very much, just that she missed the companionship. That's what her other friends are for. Now she's back to partying again as she pointed out to me. Such is life. All we can do is look for someone better. Good luck! Link to comment
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