misestopieces Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I just broke up with my girlfriend. I am so sorry. She was so in love with me, but I didn't love her the same. And now my career is taking off, but it is still uncertain and I'm going to have to be on the road a lot. I thought this was as good a reason as any to end our 4-month relationship. I've already been gone a few weeks and the stress of trying to maintain things was getting to me. I'm so sorry and I feel awful. I want the best for her and I never want to put anyone through this again. I really don't think I'm relationship material, even though I seem like it because I'm a "nice guy." I can't maintain interest or really fall in love. Maybe I'm damaged goods (my adolescence and young adulthood were really bad in terms of being able to attract anyone). I just feel so bad. I wish I could make my ex feel better, but I know the best thing is to give her space and not get her hopes up. Thanks for reading. Link to comment
Cadence44 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 If your heart isn't in it, you've done her a big favor in the long run by letting her go. She can now be free after she heals to find someone who will love her for her. She will be okay. What you're feeling is the normal questioning and regret that dumpers feel. It's hard to know that you've hurt someone's feelings, but it would be wrong for you to hold back and stay with her out of guilt. You are not an awful person. Link to comment
KittyBoo Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 You sound like a very compassionate person to be giving so much thought towards your ex's feelings. It is never easy to hurt someone you care about but I believe that you did the right thing not to string her along knowing how you feel. And you may find that once you meet the right person that you will become relationship material. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 You done the right thing man. Believe it or not the hardest thing you can do is tell her the tough reality. Stop with the "I really care about you", "I still love you but" it all makes it 100 times worse. You need to be strong and for her sake allow yourself to be the bad guy. She will hate you for it but it will make it 100x easier. What will make it harder for her is staying in contact, humming and harring, saying you need space etc. Go no contact with her and stick by it, regardless of what she does. Link to comment
LaceWing Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Sounds a bit like you have some fears regarding relationships also...and maybe this girl brought up some of these fears as well. Four months is not that long a time....so yes if she was falling for you she is going to hurt for a while....just leave her be and she will meet someone new. At the same time though, maybe you could look at whatever doubts/concerns you have concerning relationships as well. Link to comment
misestopieces Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Thanks, everyone. I'm feeling better about it, but this guilt is immense. So many "should haves". Shouldn't have let it go on this long, shouldn't have done the little things to make her thing that I felt as strongly. But I was trying to make myself into a good boyfriend. She was so good to me. I was trying to make myself feel more for her. I wish we'd never met so I wouldn't have caused her this pain. I will never forget the hurt in her voice. I know the best thing I can do is just leave her alone for now, though I want to reach out and comfort her. But I'm the one person in her life who shouldn't contact her right now. I resolve never to do this to anyone again. I'll be more careful about whom I see and about setting the brakes on the speed at which things get intense. Link to comment
confuseddotcom Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Is this the same girl from this thread....? Link to comment
Dlar Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 When I split with my other ex, I broke her heart. I tried to split with her the first time, and the worst thing I could have said ti her was "I really care about you" "I do love you, but i just dont see us going anywhere" as this just made things worse, she then had loads of questions of "if you love me why are you leaving me? lets give it one more try, I'll change" etc etc. The second and last time we split, I simple just ended it, told her I did not have the same feelings and things are only going to get worse. I then ignored her texts, calls etc. It sounds harsh, but it was for the best, If I kept replying it would only make her feel worse and take longer for her to get over me. Just leave her, don't talk to her and let her get over you. It really is an awful thing to do, it hurts you just as much as it hurts them, but if it's not working out for you, why should you carry on giving them false hope? It will only make things worse in the long run and hurt her even more. Link to comment
endy Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 You don't need to feel guilty about it. Please just let that guilt though it will cause you issues later if you don't. Take the time to let go the right way, you don't and shouldn't contact her you are correct. Remember every relationship has a birth, a life, and a death. Every single relationship you ever have will end some day. We always need to put yourself first. You didn't cheat or do anything morally wrong so stop feeling so bad about it. Focus on work and excel in it, then when you're ready get back into dating etc. Don't beat yourself up over any of this. You may want to see if there's a reason you have commitment issues if you believe you do. You can't say you will never do this again, because simply put the majority of people we date aren't the right ones for us. It's not always clean cut who is and who isn't until we get to know someone either. Just take it easy on yourself and try to release that guilt. Link to comment
misestopieces Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Is this the same girl from this thread....? ] No, not the same girl. And thanks for the other replies. She sent me a very nice and short email this morning. She wants to talk later today. I was hoping I wouldn't have to face this so soon. I wasn't going to contact her, but it's hard to ignore requests for contact. Link to comment
confuseddotcom Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 No, not the same girl. And thanks for the other replies. She sent me a very nice and short email this morning. She wants to talk later today. I was hoping I wouldn't have to face this so soon. I wasn't going to contact her, but it's hard to ignore requests for contact. Ah, I may be way off base here but I'd say she was a rebound from the girl in the other thread then. Even though you didn't meet, it sounds like you still have the other girl on your mind and have unresolved feelings there. It doesn't make you an awful person, just human! ;-) If I'm wrong, my advice is still the same - leave her alone. As you said yourself, you're the last person she needs to hear from just now. Link to comment
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