Is feeling good a bad thing?

[hello678]

I'm not sure if this is the clouds retracting or what, but for the past couple of days i've actually started to feel good again. I'm aware that the pain is there but i'm starting to get in control of myself. I control the temptation to check facebook (she's blocked but i have no desire to unblock her). I'm starting to feel motivated in myself and come to terms with the fact that she done this to me and I can do better.

 

Its been a month from the breakup and about 4 days since I learnt she was seeing someone else. My mind still constantly comes up with things to say to her, but I can clearly say I don't want her back anymore and if she came begging i'd say no.

 

I'm actually not sure if my longing for her was legitimate care or just fear of being alone and loneliness/boredom.

 

Its actually starting to get easier believe it or not.

[BrianH46]

Feeling good is never a bad thing, I wish I'm at your point, I'm only at two days since BU and NC about when does it get easier? And when will I stop wanting to contact her?

[hello678]

Feeling good is never a bad thing, I wish I'm at your point, I'm only at two days since BU and NC about when does it get easier? And when will I stop wanting to contact her?

 

My story went like this.

 

We broke up, I was incredibly weak, contacting her every day or second day for Week 1. We met up, she changed her mind than flipped right back. It left me feeling like death. My life felt like it was over.

 

Week 2 - We had some contact but much less, she was starting to get noticeably angry with me. She was no longer the same person I used to love. She sent a few texts looking for attention. I was starting to grapple with it here. We gave eachother about 6 days of No Contact and I called her on the Saturday. She said she had being going out alot with 'friends' and was loving her life.

 

Week 3 - I learnt she was seeing another guy. Full on relationship stuff not just hooking up. This sent me into a spin and I was incredibly angry. But it painted her in a very negative view in my mind for a few days and i more or less hated her.

 

Week 4 - This is were im at now. Alot of the positive feelings have returned although im starting to see the relationships for both the pros and cons. Ive got alot of my self confidence back and are starting to get back involved in my life. I still think about the breakup constantly but I have no desire to call her anymore. I'm also certain she'll never contact me. It has set in the only way forward is for me to move on.

 

 

 

The only problem I forsee now is if i see them in person again or something it may send me into a spin. I live in a very small town so this is likely. I think i'll try and avoid for as many weeks possible.

[hello678]

Brian, as hard as it is I urge you to take closure from the relationship and keep NC going to show respect for yourself. Don't beg and plead like I did, it makes you seem pathetic and you will regret it.

[Silverbirch]

Hey, that's good Mtom. I think I'm getting to the same space. It's been around 10 weeks since the b/u for me, and a while of NC. I know what you mean about running into her/them. I'm trying to prepare myself that if I do run into him, he likely will be with somebody else. I don't for sure, but there are some strong suggestions that would be the case. I am hoping though that if that should happen, I'm feeling great, my life is better and I look fantastic!

 

I can definitely feel that the attachment has changed. I'm a bit scared to say it has completely gone, just in case it rears its ugly head again. I too have lost my respect for him, and am seeing him in a very different light. If it was his true colors he showed at the b/u, definitely wouldn't be difficult to find somebody better. My friends think he had nothing going for him, and I've really been questioning what it was I ever saw in him too. I still can't really think about being in another relationship, but I'd like to start dating soon.

[Silverbirch]

sorry double posting

[hello678]

That was more the point of this thread actually, its disappearing gradually but I'm really afraid something will happen that will make it relapse.

 

As for dating, theres no one in my life i'm currently remotely interested in. I really love the down to earth, kind girls. I don't care if they are of average looks, I just like the care and decency factor.

 

They are pretty hard to find these days

[BrianH46]

I deleted her on FB, deleted her number, broke all forms of contact to make sure that I dont break NC. Even then I'm desperately looking for some way to get in contact, pathetic I know. Thanks for your words Tom GL in recovering Ill keep ya in my thoughts

[mistojen]

I think it's awesome that you're starting to feel good! I am, too. It's the greatest feeling! And why wouldn't it be a good thing? She's moved on and she's feeling good...why on Earth would it be bad if you did the same? Congrats on hitting the point at which it stops hurting and starts working for you

 

Silverbirch - I know the feeling. I don't think I'm ready to dive into another relationship but I'd like to start dating again, if for no other reason than to get out and enjoy myself instead of being stuck at home all the time because all my friends are in the ex's camp. But, like mtom, I'm not interested in anybody. I hope that you'd like to start dating because you're interested in going out and having fun rather than because you feel like it's the next logical step in your healing process (if the latter is true, I have a feeling you're going to disappoint yourself and potentially hurt someone else in the process, so I would steer clear of that for a little longer if that's the case).

 

Brian - For the first couple of days after my breakup, all I could think about was trying to figure out a reason to stay in contact with him. It was for all the wrong reasons and after the fact not only did I realize that I looked pathetic...bit I felt pathetic, too. If it helps, remind yourself however pathetic you think you'll come off to her if you contact her without a reason, you're going to feel twice as pathetic on the inside and why would you want to do that to yourself? It is a REALLY gross feeling. Trust me lol It'll get easier. Focus on you for a while. What do you want in life? Do you eventually want to buy a house? Work in a different field? Have kids? Focus on moving toward those goals and it's easier to deal with the loss of her. I promise

[hausser]

Good thing matey, I am getting it more and more everyday. Keep busy, stay NC and you will be dating again in no time.

[Silverbirch]

 

Silverbirch - I know the feeling. I don't think I'm ready to dive into another relationship but I'd like to start dating again, if for no other reason than to get out and enjoy myself instead of being stuck at home all the time because all my friends are in the ex's camp. But, like mtom, I'm not interested in anybody. I hope that you'd like to start dating because you're interested in going out and having fun rather than because you feel like it's the next logical step in your healing process (if the latter is true, I have a feeling you're going to disappoint yourself and potentially hurt someone else in the process, so I would steer clear of that for a little longer if that's the case).

 

 

Hi Mistogen,

No I don't want a relationship. Just want to go out. I have some really nice female friends, but unfortunately they are all either stay-at-homes or spend their entire lives in paddocks playing with horses. I'd like to be going out to resturants and live music, but no enough female friends around to do that with just atm.

[mistojen]

I feel you on that, too. Most of my friends were either his friends first or they live in different states (I moved around a lot in my early twenties). For example, I'm in New York, but my closest friends are in Texas, New Jersey, Indiana, and California, respectively so...I know how sucky it is not to have anyone around available to go out and have fun. Maybe ask those female friends who can't go out if they know anyone that would be interested? Doesn't have to be a male, but maybe they have a friend or a cousin or sister who is also really interested in live music and would like to go to a concert or to a bar where a band is playing with you just for something to do. Who knows, you could make a new friend out of it at best and at worst, hey, you got to go out and see X band playing, right?