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I think I've fallen for an older girl =/ (It's a long one)

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I work at this music festival every year as a stage technician/stage runner but this year my boss announced that this new girl was joining. So I met her and I didn't really get to talk to her that much cause I was busy but my other friend who was also working was "flirting" with her (If you're wondering why I put in quotation marks is because his idea of flirting is using cheesy pick-up lines and sexual innuendos) but she didn't seem to take to any of it. The only time I really talked to her was if I was making some kinda joke which she seemed to of found funny. Anyway, the only bit of information I found out about her was that she was 23!?!?!...she looks like my age which is 19 or possible 18.


A few days after we had a staff party between the company that owns the venue and that company that provides the bands, her and I are party of the company that provide the bands. We were the only two that turned up out of the band company. So we both ended up getting stupidly drunk with each other and I ended up walking (staggering) her home. When we got to her place which is like 2 minutes away from mine she gave me her number and she told me to meet her the next day at 8:45am (We both go to the same college) and we were both texting each other before we went to sleep and she's still going one about me meeting her at 8:45am. To cut a long story short, I woke up the next day with a massive hangover, on the floor and it's 10am!?!?!? so I have pretty much stood her up, but I don't know if it really counts since we were both drunk. About 15 minutes later I get a text from her saying "Are you ok?" and I text back "Yeah thanks, you?" and I never got a text back. I tell people at college about the night before and of course everyone is saying "Do you like her?" or "Awww that's soo cute, it's like a love story. Do you fancy her?" and I just deny it all. But I'm still stressing over about how she hasn't text me back. A few days later I finally confess that I like her but this 3 and a bit year gap freaks me out.


Ever since I've added her on Facebook and she's asked me if I was going to this gig and when I said yes she replied "Good But I'm still so freaked out about this age gap, I do like her but that's what's holding me back. I would really like some advice on how to approach this!


Cheers =D

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That's not a big age gap.


Why are you so nervous? Well, I know why, because I remember what it was like to be 19 and afraid of women and the rejection they brought. But, really, you like her and she probably likes you. Talk to her.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'd say that it looks promising...but imo that's not the real issue: the real problem is your fear of rejection. It makes sense; you're 19, and I don't want this to sound condescending, but when you're 19 you feel that one rejection will cripple your whole world (I was lucky I had a girl ask me out back then, because I was too terrified to ever do it). It won't. Worst that can happen is she says no thanks, and you move on with your life. I'm not saying be a d-bag and go up to every woman you meet and ask her for her number, but when you really like someone, and you suspect that she might like you too, take the risk and ask her out.

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  • 1 month later...
Pretty much spot on Banal. I think I'm probably gonna ask her out at the next festival we do. I guess I just gotta be mature about it. I'm just worried about the age thing and how it can be used against me but I really like her =/ Dunno what I can do to overcome worrying about it.


I know what you can do: ask her out. No matter what the result is, you won't have to worry about it anymore.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Right ok, I done the festival. On the first day she couldn't do it cause she was working but she came down later in the day with her friends, she didn't speak to me at first but she kept looking over like waving and smiling but eventually she waved me over and I was talking to her for age, she even introduced me to her friends! Any way, she asked if I could meet up with her the next day so we could walk to the festival together. So we did and she was telling me how nervous she was but I kinda put her in a good mood with some friendly banta.


We get to the festival where we have to set-up the stage and band area and my boss asks me to get some ice and she instantly asked if she could come along, so she did and we just kept generally chatting. We get to lunch time and she asks if I want to get lunch with her so I agreed and we went off again, she went to go take some money out of the atm but she didn't have enough in there for lunch so I offered to pay for hers and she was just saying "Ohh, I feel really bad" and "I'll pay you back, I wont leave you hanging". So we went to Tesco to get lunch and she found it funny how I knew what I wanted for my lunch and how I got all the items quite "swiftly" haha. So we get back to the backstage area of the festival, I sit down a table and she comes down and sits next to me and we were talking about this tv show we both like for ages while eating lunch together.


A few hours pass by and about 95% of the time I'm always making her laugh by making jokes about some of the drunk audience members and how I tried to hole punch my mates shirt =P and every so often she would just turn around and smile at me. So a few more hours go on (This is where the heavy stuff comes in) This big band from London comes down who she really likes, they're like a Led Zeppelin/Ac/Dc band so you instantly know the mentality of this band it's "We're gonna wear tight clothes and hit on any women" so when they notice there is a female roadie they're like dogs on heat, they were constantly hitting on her in a sexual way and I just got annoyed with it but I just hid it from her cause I didn't want her to think I'm a jealous guy or whatever. She comes up to me after saying "Please protect me from them" Then just walked to the sound desk. I followed and sat on the edge of a pool table (The festival is outside of a pub) she walked over and stood infront of me, I moved up and she sat down, we were both in silence then she started doing her hair then when she was done she turned to me and looked me in the eyes and said "Do I look ok?" and I just said "You looked fine" and smiled, then this guy turned up who we don't like (and were coming up with names for all day) and said can you look after my drink so I said yeah, he walked off, she looked at me and smiled and said "Do something to it" so we both just laughed.


So the Zeppelin wannabes came off stage and the last band went on and the whole day she was asking if I could show her how to set up an amp so I did and she seemed happy from that. We both walked off the stage and the previous band were moving their gear and she said the same thing to me again about protecting her so I walked off chatting to two off them and they just went off so I went back to her and said "That two off your back" and she just smiled at me. We both went back to the band area and grabbed some beers cause it was the last band of the night and the lead singer of the band just pretty much pushed inbetween me and her and dragged her off into the crowd (not literally but you get what I mean) he put her arm round her and she just turned round and looked at me. Then a few minutes later I noticed she wasn't with him so I thought this would be a prime opportunity to ask her out so one of my mates went looking for her, I walked into the pub where the mixing desk is and I bumped into her and she just looked into my eyes saying "I don't wanna be with him, I just want to be friends!" I just kinda calmed her and she asked if I wanted to get a drink with her and I just said I need to go to the toilet (Which was kind of a lie because I just wanted to check with my friend at the mixing desk to see what she said) and she said "I'll wait for you here" and I just said to go the band area and wait for me so she did, I ask my mate what she said and he said "Yeah she was just saying how awkward it was when he put his arm round her and she was saying she just wants to be friends with him. She was also asking where you were and that she wanted to talk to you" So i went off to the band area met her, she handed me and drink and we were just having a chat and a laugh but once again the singer came over and took her away so I turned to my friend (same one who told me every thing before hand) and said "I can't ask her out if she keeps going off with him" he just replied and said "She's not going off with him, she wants to stay and talk to you. She's being dragged off by him and every time she goes she always looks back at you, just you. Plus she just wants to be friends with him and she keeps asking after you whenever you're no where to be seen. It's almost blatant she likes you" So stunned by that I just want over and started talking her and the singer just backed off.


So the festival ended and we all started packing up but me and her are a bit tipsy from the beer and we keep making stupid jokes about each other like who's taller outta the two of us, who's drunker than who and making jokes about that guy we don't like.


I never got the chance to ask her out cause her friends came over after we packed up but our boss said that will be an after party this week so I'll ask her then. We talked on Facebook a bit today just having a laugh about the same things we were laughing about at the festival. And I told her she doesn't have to pay me back for lunch but she's adamant she'll pay me back some how haha.


So do you reckon by that she actually likes me though all that? Sorry for the essay lol. =]

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You asked her out, she says she has a boyfriend, but she still wants to meet up with you? I'd stay away, sorry. When you're in a relationship and someone expresses feelings for you, you don't continue leading them on. From all the stuff you posted, especially your 'essay', I really was getting the feeling she was into you. the fact that she has a boyfriend makes all of that not ok. Instead of clinging to you like that she should have mentioned her relationship at some point, instead of leading you on the way she was and waiting until you asked her out to come clean.


I'm sorry but she is someone I would stay away from.

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