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It's over. For good. It hurts so much.

ILostHim

By ILostHim
in Breaking Up Advice

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ILostHim Rookie

ILostHim

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He broke up with me on May 30 and I feel too many emotions that I just don't want to decipher right now. We were together for nine months and then some. I know it's not a long time, but it was still something meaningful to me.

 

I know I should have stuck with NC so I can start healing, but I felt like I needed to reach out to him for one last time. So please don't bash me on that. We all make that mistake sometimes, don't we?

 

Here's what he wrote to me:

 

 

___________, the reason why I haven't responded to your emails yet is that I have not read them yet. I didn't feel I was ready for it, but I was definitely going to reply.

 

We are both free and we both have to move on. I understand that it's not easy, we have spent two whole semesters and Winter Break together and we had a really good time, despite all the things that happened.

 

You need to do what is best for you. I want you to be happy and successful in your life, and I believe that you will be. This break up has taught me a lot and I think you too. I don't want to regret or forget anything.

 

The future can hold a lot of great things for you and for me. We tried hard to make it work together and I think it was worth trying. We just can't force something to happen which is not meant to be.

 

For now, I hope you are making the most out of your trip with _________. Enjoy yourself and reflect on who you would like to be. I am doing the same.

 

I think we still cannot talk purely rationally. Getting emotions involved is hardly a good thing. Maybe some other time. Not now though. I will send you an email when I am ready. Now please stop spending too much time thinking about the past. You need something to look forward to rather than something to reflect upon.

 

 

He was my first love and my first real relationship so it's very difficult for me. I have no choice, but to start NC again. I really hope he doesn't e-mail me and if he does, I plan to delete it. I also know that I don't even have a chance for reconciliation at all.

 

Love is so fleeting and learning to live in the present is so hard when the past was filled with so much happiness.

 

I know I can be happy without him, I know I can live without him, and I'm so young. But is it wrong of me to think that I just wanted to spend some more time with him, just a little bit...

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mouseno4 Explorer

mouseno4

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Yes, you made a mistake. But we all do. We all want companionship. Esp. when we have recently lost it. It is human nature. We were never meant to be solitary creatures.

 

That was a very well written and thoughtful email.

 

You also know what you need to do.

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ILostHim Rookie

ILostHim

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That was a very well written and thoughtful email.

 

You also know what you need to do.

 

Yes, as much as it hurts, I know what I must do.

 

He's a very rational person so there's no doubt that he's not one to act on his emotions and he's the type to think things through.

 

For two weeks, I held on to false hopes. But reading that e-mail just validated the end of any reconciliation with him. I'll miss him a lot and I know it'll take time for me to lose all of my love for him, but I also understand where he is coming from.

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ILostHim Rookie

ILostHim

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sorry, what is "NC?"

i'm in a similar situation. it's so hard. i know that i will eventually move on, but in the meantime it's miserable.

 

No Contact... I just learned it recently as well. There's a post strictly about what it is so I'm sure you can search about it.

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Dlar Apprentice

Dlar

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Yep, the only thing you can do in these situations is go NC.

 

Contacting them can only push them further away anyway, and make you feel even worse when you don't get a reply, or get a reply you really didn't want to hear.

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ILostHim Rookie

ILostHim

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Yep, the only thing you can do in these situations is go NC.

 

Contacting them can only push them further away anyway, and make you feel even worse when you don't get a reply, or get a reply you really didn't want to hear.

 

Agreed. But in my case, I've already pushed him too far away and whether or not I get a reply, it hurts on both accounts. I know for sure he's going to e-mail me, but I just don't know whether or not I'll be able to read it. I'll most likely delete it. I really hope we don't talk at all, I'll feel like it'll just bring out emotions I do not want to deal with.

 

All I can do is go NC and stay that way for a very long time.

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Blue Skittles Experienced

Blue Skittles

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I am going through a break up too. Its hard. We were together for a year and a half. We met each others families and we were going to move in together. But I basically thought about it and thought "Ok self, I have two options here. 1) sit around and mope about it and wish I could be back with him or 2) try my hardest to be happy and move on with my life". So I chose option 2. Is it easy? No. It takes a lot of will-power, positive self-talk, and inner strength. But I try to find a happy moment in each day I live. Something to be grateful for. And if there isn't one, I make one. (I've been spending a lot of $$ on myself this week). The other thing that has really helped me is keeping busy. Visiting friends, doing my work, exercising, shopping, etc. I never let a moment go by where I am just sitting around, until I go to sleep at night. And by then I'm too exhausted to even think. I think the scariest things are the thoughts that "I will never find another man again..." but I counteract those too. I mean, look at an online dating site - there are TONS and TONS of men on there. I'm not ready to start dating again but when I am, I KNOW there will be options.

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bunny45 Apprentice

bunny45

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Yep, the only thing you can do in these situations is go NC.

 

Contacting them can only push them further away anyway, and make you feel even worse when you don't get a reply, or get a reply you really didn't want to hear.

 

Bingo! I haven't heard from my ex in 14 days, he needed no contact here on out. I've been tempted to reach out, but refrained as I would be a nervous wreck waiting to see if an email response would come back.

 

No contact for me is excrutiating.

 

The finality of it is very hard to take.

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ILostHim Rookie

ILostHim

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Bingo! I haven't heard from my ex in 14 days, he needed no contact here on out. I've been tempted to reach out, but refrained as I would be a nervous wreck waiting to see if an email response would come back.

 

No contact for me is excrutiating.

 

The finality of it is very hard to take.

 

I'm always so tempted to reach out. Always, but I know it won't do any good. And yes, the finality is the biggest blow.

 

I must move on and I'm afraid to. What I'm afraid of, I honestly don't know. There's too many emotions cooped up in me and I don't have the heart to decipher them nor do I have the strength to clarify how I really feel.

 

I miss him so much and like many others, he was my best friend. But I ruined all my chances of reconciliation and as well as being his friend. I would rather have him as a friend than not have him in my life at all. But a deep friendship when it comes to past lovers usually never happens, right?

 

I feel so lost.

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