Please help me understand...or gain some understanding of some kind?!!!

[loveiz]

Hey guys if you could offer any advice i would be so gratefull. Here is link to my previous post if you would like a lil background

 

 

 

But in brief ...this is just a gist of it to get a better idea you would have to read my previous post!

So i cooled it with a guy who i was seeing for about two months..i know not long.

He was VERY VERY into me i was more laid back enjoying it develping. He made it clear i was what he wanted..i at this time was taking it slow.

 

I then felt him pull back, questioned him and he said he asnt 100% sure etc had 'issues' with me which he never ever commuinicated with me about so i had to cool us off, i felt if i overlooked this i would been walking on eggshells the rest of the time.

 

So anyway, I have reached out friendly txts... simple how are you...get ignored. I asked him to let me know when his dog had her puppies as id been quite excited about this.

He didnt tell me i found out from a friend puppies had arrived and i was sooo upset.

I needed closure so i f.b him sayin ''im so disapointed yu didnt tell me about the puppies..that we got on so well i feel like you now hate me. That have no understanding of this situation but his silence speaks louder and that i will now leave him alone I told him whehn hes ready to delete me off f.b he can do so,''

 

He then deactivated, not deleted me, but deactivated.

 

Few days later he sent a me a video message of the puppies....no message.

I said thank you kept it nice....and he didnt say nothing back.

SO..i thought ok..fine decided to keep moving on.

 

Then 6 days later he send me another picture of his lil puppies.....NO MESSAGE....I just dnt understand?

Is he reaching out ?

 

I just am not sure????

Id jump at the chance to talk/see him again..we got on soooo well

 

thank you for your time xx

[penelope13]

I'm not sure if you are going to like what I have to say, but consider it as food for thought:

 

I think you have gone about this potential relationship in an extremely selfish way. I understand that you have been hurt in the past and that you are afraid of putting yourself into another situation where you might get hurt. However, life and relationships are about taking risks in order to get to where you want to be. Not unreasonable and avoidable risks, nevertheless risks are part of the equation.

 

You went into this knowing that you are emotional not very involved (yet?), but liking the idea that he was really into you. That gave you a whole lot of ego/energy boost. As long as he was investing himself 100% you thought you'll be safe from future hurt. You wanted a guarantee that he would be there for you and supporting you, regardless how much you were willing to give him in return.

 

Of course, most people who are looking for a balanced, healthy relationship will not continue to invest emotions into someone if they are not feeling they are emotionally getting something in return as well. That's why he started to pull back. - It's the right thing to do from his standpoint. He is maintaining his healthy boundaries.

 

Since he pulled back, you are playing the injured party, blaming him not to be invested enough. Fair enough, but he did that in response to your own behavior.

 

You contacting him about the puppies etc can be perceived as a try for you to shift the blame onto him. He however, again, reacted in a very healthy way: at this point he didn't owe you anything, yet he sent you the video while keeping a personal communication out of it. Your indignation about this clearly shows, it was not really about the puppies, but an effort on your part to force him into communicating with you again.

 

If you want to have another chance with this person (or someone else in the future) you have to be willing to take the risk of getting hurt and you have to be willing to invest equally into the relationship. If you want to have another chance with him, the best would be to be honest with yourself and then with him why you acted the way you did.

[loveiz]

Thank you soooo much..i really really appreciate your response and take full responsibility for my part in all this.

 

I dont not to want NOT see him ever again..i know this much is true.

I really wanted to be on the same page as him but and i was getting there..slowly..as soon as i realised omg i REALLY do feel something here....he told me he wasnt 100% and he wouldnt tell me why and that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me.

He never explained anything as to why he was feeling that way at all...if he did i woulda said ''ok look im willing to make changes and see how we go, i woulda continued with us...BUT how could i conitnue knowing he had issues with me..id be walking on eggshells the whole time, wondering what these issues were...should i have put myself through that..?

 

I was very receptive of his efforts, and even though i couldnt afford dining out i made a three course meal for him at mine..i did try see him as much as i could date at the w\e and maybe invite him to mine just for few hours (when my children wrere in bed) so i could spend lil time togther...so i did invest too. All in all we had only been seeing eachother 2 and a bit months.

 

Given another chance on this, providing he does talk to me about these issues with me...id really try make us work.

Yep i have been selfish i think its coz i been alone just me and my two kids for so long ive never had to think of anyone else...its hard sometimes to get out of somethin your so used to and learn new habits...but im willing to try.

 

It could be possible he doesnt want nothing to do with me now though right?

 

Thank you again x

[loveiz]

Sooo...

 

Messaged him that i thoguth of him daily and that i miss him.

that i would love to see him again and hoped we could talk soon....and that i would leave that up to him (like ball being in his court)

 

This was today...

 

Result: I GET THE SILENT TREATMENT

[penelope13]

This was today...

 

Result: I GET THE SILENT TREATMENT

 

Patience is a virtue!

 

You just contacted him today - that is NOT silent treatment. Give the man the chance to process his own thoughts and feelings. In the long run it's much healthier for you if he takes the time to think about things and knowing exactly what he says to you, rather than giving into the first impulse.

[loveiz]

Thankyou I know ur right.

 

Whatever the outcome I know it will be for the best either way.

I contacted him from a place of strength not weakness...and I know I tried my best.

If I hear nothing by end of the week I'll push on with my life