1234321 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 My girlfriend still talks to and hangs out with her ex. It is not frequent but any connection annoys me (I guess you can say im insecure). The last time they talked was about 2 monthes ago and she is now going to be staying at his house for the weekend.... She tells me that she will not cheat on me and does not want to do anything with him and said she wont if he tries. They were together for about 3-4 years and i have now got out of her that she is not over him but she says she will not cheat on me. In this situation should i get rid of her or keep treating her normal? I really want the relationship to work out and dont want to end it but i will if it gets out of hand. Any advice on how i could get her to stop having feelings for her ex?
He2Him Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 If there's a stone wall in front of you and there's a sign on it saying ''you can pass through this wall''. Do you believe it? Or how much more convincing do you need to figure out the obvious - that you can't pass through it.
lastshot20 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 -She admits she's not over him -She is still in contact with him -She is staying at his house for the week end -She has about 3-4 years history with him This is the proper formula for disaster This is not looking good at all. If I were you I would get rid of her NOW! and spare your heart
1234321 Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 I was basically thinking to get rid of her. All you did was state what ive already thought of. I just wanted to hear what i was thinking from others. Thanks for the quick response
RedDress Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Why is she staying at his house? Under what pretext? Just because she misses him? Or is there a reason of sorts behind it (ie: she's travelling and he lives at the other end of the country and she needs a place to stay, etc)? Is she really just saying "I miss him so I think I'm going to go spend a weekend at his house"??? I agree with what the others are saying but at the same time, I think there is more to this story (which may be relevant).
1234321 Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 He simply asked her to and she says "its just to hang out and talk about whats going on" No reason why shes doing it really. What do you think of me getting rid of her and in about 2 monthes time getting back together if she is not with anyone or back with her ex?
RedDress Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 He simply asked her to and she says "its just to hang out and talk about whats going on" No reason why shes doing it really. Yeah... that's crazy. I think there ARE some gray areas where exes can be friends... but she has no valid reason for wanting to stay overnight. Going back to what lastshot was saying: - She still has feelings for him - They have a history together - She wants to sleep over and "talk about things" I think you should just dump her. Her actions are not respectful to your current relationship.
metrogirl Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Why would you get rid of her for 2 months and then go back? That makes absolutely no sense to me. She is still going to be a cheater, right now or two months from now. If you want to stay with a girl that clearly thinks it's acceptable to stay at her ex's house for no other reason than to hang out then you go right ahead, but be prepared to feel like poo each and every time.
1234321 Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 I agree. Thinking about it, it would be pointless to go back to her in 2 monthes or whatever. She would do the same thing if the situation was still there.
banal Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Well, before tossing her out, I'd let her know how you feel and that you're opposed to this union and setup. That way you can say that you tried, and she knew the consequences of her actions (I'm not saying issue an ultimatum, but if you make it clear that this behavior really hurts you, then her refusal to listen to you means that she doesn't care all that much about your feelings). Tell her that you want her to be considerate of the way you feel, and that you're making what seems to be a very reasonable request. The fact that she says "if he tries anything" means that she's sort of expecting him to. The only chance she should have of being in this situation is if the ex has no chance of trying anything, whether because he turned gay, got married, or had "it" lopped off. Certainly not the way it's been presented.
metrogirl Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I agree. Thinking about it, it would be pointless to go back to her in 2 monthes or whatever. She would do the same thing if the situation was still there. I'm going to ask you a question. Are you generally passive, because I tend to see a lot of these situations occur where the boyfriend is a passive individual and the girlfriend takes advantage of that. Tell her you don't like the arrangement and would prefer she not go but if she does, she can stay with him because you'll be done.
1234321 Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Im giving her an ultimatum, and if i dont get it im leaving. She only said if he tries anything because i was asking her that question. I said something like: "If he tries anything are you gonna stop him" Then she said "Yes"
1234321 Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 I'm going to ask you a question. Are you generally passive, because I tend to see a lot of these situations occur where the boyfriend is a passive individual and the girlfriend takes advantage of that. Tell her you don't like the arrangement and would prefer she not go but if she does, she can stay with him because you'll be done. Im not controlling but i told her that it was bulls***. She said she understands and will not do it anymore if thats what i want.
blackhawks1287 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 SAYS...you have to be careful. I told my ex she needed to stop...guess what...after the break up when she left me for someone else and figuring out her Facebook information...she was still talking to that said ex. To what degree, I don't know. She seems to have extremely bad habits, and not that you knowingly will not let this happen, I almost can guarantee it will happen behind your back in some way shape or form. I do not know how long you have been together, or what your total investment is, or when she got into a relationship with you after her ex, but this does not look good really. I would keep a very close eye out, regardless of what she says. Watch out for her behavior.
oldenoughtoknow Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 She sounds like a fruit loop. Who would do something like this to a partner they care about? She's spending the weekend with an ex she still has feelings for and for no reason. Oh, really? She has little regard for your feelings. I wouldn't bother with an ultimatum - just leave. She already has.
Snny Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Im giving her an ultimatum, and if i dont get it im leaving. Don't play the ultimatum game. Tell her "that's it" and be done with her. If a date even SUGGESTED staying over an ex's house, I would be done with them in a heartbeat. I really don't get why some people find it appropriate to sleep over an ex's house or even share living quarters when they are in a relationship. Some morals people have these days. >.>
tresqua Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I said something like: "If he tries anything are you gonna stop him" Then she said "Yes" She'll stop him alright.. after she has an orgasm. I'd say to her, "Sure have a great time staying at your ex's place for the weekend, I hope it was worth losing me over it".
1234321 Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 I basically agree with oldenoughtoknow, Snny, and tresqua. I dont know why i cant get myself to just end it like that tho. Even though yes i should as what you three stated i all agree with. I just want things to work out but i know that im wanting what wont happen
metrogirl Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I basically agree with oldenoughtoknow, Snny, and tresqua. I dont know why i cant get myself to just end it like that tho. Even though yes i should as what you three stated i all agree with. I just want things to work out but i know that im wanting what wont happen You are setting yourself up for a huge heartbreak. Let me ask you another question (yes I am pretending to be Barbara Walters here LOL)..... What would she say if you were to spend the weekend at your ex girlfriends house?
1234321 Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 I already asked that. She said it would make her really sad but it would be fair since shes doing it to me.
metrogirl Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I already asked that. She said it would make her really sad but it would be fair since shes doing it to me. There is something really wrong with her upstairs.
tresqua Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I already asked that. She said it would make her really sad but it would be fair since shes doing it to me. She's not committed to you, she's thinking of hooking up with her ex so she really wouldn't care all that much if you did the same to her. There is no other possibility here, and you're going to have to face the hard facts that this one is over, at least as you know it.
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