Madamdiva007 Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Hey guys, So this is kind of a continuation of my previous thread that I posted in this particular forum ( what to do if you think your SO is cheating on you). Tonight I was sitting by my bf and his phone went off, and I noticed it said it was a text from a particular girl I've had a few concerns about. This girl is actually saved in his phone by her name, unlike the strange numbers I saw last week. I hesitantly asked him about it, he showed me the text and it was just her saying hi. He hadn't replied yet. That was basically the end of the conversation between him and I about it, I just dropped it. A little later on, we were speaking on the phone, and I apologized to him for asking him so many questions. I told him that I know he loves me and that he wouldn't do anything behind my back. I told him that I know he has a lot of girl friends and that he can talk to whomever he wants, its really none of my business. But am I right to tell him this? And should I be worried about this girl? I really don't understand why she would want to be texting my bf, what she would have to talk to him about... It just seems that she must be interested in him in a romantic way. That's all I can figure. Is it ok for them to be texting each other? I know it's ok for him to talk to girls, but it still bothers me. Link to comment
AKFIRE25 Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Go with your gut on this one. My Ex met a guy last summer that I had some worries about. She told me there was nothing to be worried over. I knew she was texting and talking to him when i was not around. She started keeping her phone on her 100% of the time. She never used to do that. Anyways long story short she moved away and I was supposed to be going with her. Half way through the move she broke it off with me. She started dating this guy right after. Make sure you are not making things up but be honest with him. If he really loves and cares for you he will do the right thing. If not you deserve better. Good Luck! Link to comment
superfox Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Argh! You've made it clear now you're ok with him having female friends texting him, that's permission and hard to come down from. I'm a big believer in gut instincts, there's a girl who posts a million pics of herself, was constantly on my bf's fb wall and when at his gigs wouldn't take her eyes off him. I trust him but not her! He sat me down and told me she's single and has been forever and why do you think that is? And if he had any feelings for her he'd have dated her when he was single. We have a rule on no exes on fb or phones! That made me feel so mich better. If you can talk to your bf about your worries over this one girl then go for it. If this makes him cross or defensive then I would worry. Link to comment
Luigi68 Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 My gf and I have always been really open with everything , texts etc etc. She began beign a bit more secretive, not in a big way but just turning the phone slightly away if we sat together. I was concerned about my mate as felt he was making a move over time. She never responded and I relaxed, long story short it appears now that he had been texting her and over a period of time she began replying, culminating in our relationship going the wrong way (although we still friends) and him moving in! He ground her down eventually so trust your instincts Link to comment
Madamdiva007 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Thank you guys for your responses, I really appreciate it. My bf does seem to be on the phone more, but I don't know how much of it is actually reality versus me just being super paranoid and making things up in my mind. He doesn't seem to hide his phone, he leaves it out in plain sight, sometimes while he goes in the bathroom or walks his dog. He also gets on his FB in front of me sometimes. Obviously they talk, since I saw it. It's just not knowing what they are talking about and who he's texting (if its her) that's driving me insane. We don't have rules as to who we can talk to... he trusts me 100% so he doesn't care who I talk to. I don't feel like it's right to manage who he talks to. I'm not bothered by his ex at all. It's just other friends of his. He's not acting any different towards me. He's actually being very sweet and loving with me. And I know he isn't actually seeing her behind my back. It's just the fact that I saw her texting him that really bothered me. Link to comment
f1r3f1y3 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 But am I right to tell him this? And should I be worried about this girl? I really don't understand why she would want to be texting my bf, what she would have to talk to him about... It just seems that she must be interested in him in a romantic way. That's all I can figure. Is it ok for them to be texting each other? I know it's ok for him to talk to girls, but it still bothers me. You should not tell him it's ok to talk to anyone he wants if it isn't. Maybe you are overcompensating for your insecurities you had mentioned? I have never been in a relationship with a girl who was comfortable with me talking/texting girls I had met. Friends from before we met is fine, colleagues are ok, but not new girls. Personally I've always been fine with that if we're fair about it. The issue here isn't about boundaries though, it's about whether he is emotionally or physically cheating, or is about to. In your shoes I'd continue saying nothing about it but just being aware for now. Link to comment
Madamdiva007 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Ok, thank you. He says he has known this girl for a few years, they both hang out at the same bar. So whether or not they were talking before I even met him I can't say. But I never heard about her until a few weeks ago. They've been friends on FB for several months now. Link to comment
f1r3f1y3 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Just to clarify on the boundaries; I was saying where the boundaries were in my previous relationships, not what is right or wrong in yours. There is no right or wrong here, it's whatever works. Link to comment
possibilty Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Trust your gut. Had this one and eventually asked him to remove her from his life to make me more comforatble on the day he was to tell her he broke down crying. Several months later he admitted to an affair. Something is making you jumpy be careful. Link to comment
Madamdiva007 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Yeah, just confused if it's intuition making me jumpy or insecurity. Link to comment
Madamdiva007 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 I man, isn't it ok for him to talk to other girls? Link to comment
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